So I’m not sure if I’m the only one having this experience and it’s kinda personal but i am curious, have any one fiancé said they wanted to call off the wedding and the whole engagement?? Ever since planning the wedding we have been arguing regarding the cost, people to attend etc but now it’s getting to the point where he rather call off the whole engagement. I am not sure if anyone else has experience this or is this a sign? 😞
Most couples disagree about things regarding the wedding, and money is the top deal breaker in relationships. However, the degree your describing is not a healthy dynamic, and I think it will likely resurface well after the wedding. There will be plenty of times down your marital road where you have to communicate over stress, and you want to learn how to work as an efficient team. I suggest seeking out pre-marital and/or couples counseling. That should help bridge the divide.
I think that you should talk about why he wants to call it off... is it the money aspect, or is there another deeper issue he is dealing with? I would suggest counseling, if he is up to it because of the money issues, take a step back from the wedding planning for a little bit... If is something deeper, then there might be more work to be done in your relationship because Nikita is right, it will come up after the wedding.
We have gone back and forth between a million different venue options, wedding ideas, etc and even had to postpone the wedding and my FH has been frustrated, but NEVER said he wanted to call of the wedding or the engagement. The opposite actually. He keeps encouraging me to keep planning and helping me make it happen so we will get married this time. He reminds me daily of how much he wants to marry me. Wedding planning is very very stressful, but your FH can't just give up when things get tough. That is not a good indication of future altercations. Did he really say he wanted to call off the whole engagement? Most men just say they just want to go to the courthouse so they can still be married, but not have to pay for or plan a wedding.
I came really close to wanting to call off ours, and I'm pretty sure my FH did as well because of the stress the wedding planning was causing me. In the end, instead of calling it off, we decided to say SCREW IT and I budgeted for an out-of-state engagement.
Our situation is very different...I'd been saving money for the possibility of our wedding for a couple years, so when we got engaged I already had a few thousand saved up. Then his parents put in a couple because they did it for their other two children as a gift, so they gave it to us, as well. My FH is an apprentice electrician, though, so he doesn't make much money right now until he graduates, however he trusts me with money, organization, and budget, because I can organize the heck out of things and I'm a perfectly and stickler.
HOWEVER...the stress of planning a wedding sucked. When we made the decision to elopement all discussion seized. We've been in bliss ever since.
Because no one could has us questions anymore or provide their opinions or demands, and everyone had no choice but to accept our decision. We lost out on some money (venue deposit) but the money we are saving is HUGE and with the money I've already budgeted we can pay for our Elopement and Honeymoon. So in the end my crazy idea of Elopement and him being really happy I had the crazy idea, saved us sanity and money. Maybe even our engagement.
I wish you the best! You and your FH will figure things out. Just remember, this is about you and your FH, not everyone else. What do you both truly want?
I have not personally experienced this, because my FH is barely involved in the planning, and I am paying for everything. Sort of a blessing in disguise I suppose. I ask his opinion when I think he may have one, but that's about it. He pays for our daily lives, so I can use my extra money to pay for the wedding. However, I have heard that it's common for couples to argue/stress during wedding planning. Sounds like a good break from wedding planning would do y'all some good. Take a couple of weeks with no wedding talk, and just enjoy being with each other. Maybe the break will let harsh feelings be put to rest, and y'all can come back to planning with a clear mind.
This is why my parents have decided to not take a role in planning the wedding, only paying. My mom is a firm believer in the B & G planning because it is SOO stressful and really kind of tests how couples respond to big decisions.
I'm sorry you're going through this though! I hope he isnt really trying to call the whole relationship off over a wedding!
Stress and arguments are soooo common when planning a wedding. I suggest make one day a week with no wedding talk. Just be together and remember why your getting married on those days. Remember why it’s all worth it. Good luck!
Y’all thank you for all your suggestions. I have talked to him and even said I’ll get a second job to cover the cost my parents aren’t will to pay but he wants to take time to think if we should even be together.
It is definitely a sign.....a sign to take a break. Just enjoy yourselves for a while. There is no reason to rush into a wedding especially if it is causing issues. Sorry to hear but I don't think you are alone. Being engaged is 1 thing but planning a wedding can get really stressful if you let it. Stop planning a wedding and maybe start planning some cute date nights or weekend getaways so you can both realize why you are together to begin with. You can plan a wedding later, maybe just do it on a smaller scale so it don't become so stressful. Good luck!!
Saddened...My heart goes out to you. I have been through a few breakups with my FH. I’ve given him space during those breakups. And each and every time, we’ve come back together. Stay still...sometimes it’s needed. I’ve done it. Just take a breather. And things will get back on track. Please...pray. It helps.
I think it's pretty normal to have more arguments while planning a wedding than you did before getting engaged, at least it was for me and my mom gave me a heads up that it happened to her, too. Going so far as to want to call of the engagement, that may be a bit extreme, but that may be what your FH thinks is at the root of the problem. I think maybe taking a break from the planning would be a good idea, at least for a couple of weeks. It looks like you have some time before you need to send out save the dates, if you send them out at all. But just know that there's still a LOT more decision to make, so you're likely going to have a few more disagreements down the road. This might be a good time to start pre-marital counseling (ours has been really great!) so you'll be able to figure things out easier in the future.
I am so sorry for what you are going theough at this time. I suggest that you stop the wedding plans at this time and dedicate some time to reconnect with one another and to really see if you are compatible with one another and if both of your life goals are headed in the same direction. I do not know how long you have been together but this happens sometimes when you have been together for a long time and now that the wedding is coming up it creates doubt and insecurities. Try to reconnect but if it doesn’t work out in the wnd, remember everything happens for a reason and it is always for the beat. It may be something that you can’t see clearly now, but once the cloud of pain begina to clear up you will see the big picture.
As of late, my FH and I got into an argument about including additional children in our wedding. I was the one who originally said no kids, except his younger brothers. The only exception I leaned on was his cousins from out of state because it wouldn't make sense to leave them (and they are our only out of state family). My bridesmaid is having her second baby and mentioned her two year old son having a part in the wedding. Me trying to be nice -and set myself up for trouble apparently- said I would try to find him a place. FH says no, because his best man isn't allowed to bring his son, so bridesmaid should be allowed to bring new baby and not the two year old. We got a little huffy about it because neither of us knows what to do because ultimately the goal was no kids.
However, we haven't come anywhere close to calling it quits on the wedding or engagement. When planning gets to us, we take a step back, breathe and come back to it later.
If you guys are fighting about costs, you should sit down and budget what you can realistically spend. We have had to go back and edit budget a few times, but as long as you take the time to do it together, it puts you into the mind set of what you can logically prepare for.
My fiancée and I have argued more over the wedding planning than we have ever in our relationship. There have been moments that I have HATED him, and moments I was like screw this damn wedding But never to end the relationship. It’s very possible that his feelings of frustration are just getting so large he is saying something he doesn’t mean. Talk to him. Seek counseling.
So sorry to hear you’re going through this my advice would be to give him some space and just press pause on more wedding planning items. Let it sit for a little bit. Then, when you’re both ready to talk, talk about your future marriage. Don’t worry about the wedding, plan for a marriage. What does that mean to you both? How will your lives be different? How will you respond to each other’s stresses and desires? Then, you can let that guide your next choices about the wedding.
Lots of churches offer premarital courses/mentor ship/seminars for free or at a low cost so ask around! Having a neutral third party can really help you break down some communication barriers.