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Just Said Yes October 2025

Bumping friend up to Matron of Honor?

Melissa, on February 6, 2020 at 10:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I have two best friends that have been in my life for 14+ years each. One a little longer than the other at 17 years, so I asked her to be my Maid of Honor.

MOH has been awesome so far! However, my concern is she's in grad school full time, going to school in TX (when she's from CT and I live in MA), has a part time job, is planning an internship before she moves to Africa for work, she's got a lot of family stress and concern going on right now, and she's still dealing with grieving her brother. He passed away a few years ago but they were close and the grief affects her still.
She said she can handle the wedding planning and it's not a bother and she really loves helping. While I'm certain she's being honest, I would really like to lighten her load so she can focus a bit more on herself.
My "second" best friend ("second" because I love them both equally, there is no real second place) is currently "just" a bridesmaid. She's married and also has a lot going on, but between her having wedding experience as well as physically living closer (lives in CT), I'm strongly considering asking her to be Matron of Honot to split duties with my Maid of Honor, and offer a little insight and advice to my MOH if needed.
Maid of Honor says that's perfectly okay with her, but is that weird? Should I not?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Gen, on February 6, 2020 at 12:22 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 6, 2020 at 10:07 AM
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Anyone can host anything they want (assuming you’re talking about a shower and bachelorette when you say “duties”). No need for it to be strictly the MOH. Personally I wouldn’t change someone’s title just so they can help more and that’s kind of what it sounds like you’d be doing.
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Just Said Yes October 2025
Melissa · on February 6, 2020 at 10:13 AM
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I guess what I didn't really do a good job of explaining at all is that since she and I are already emotionally close and also physically closer, she's kind of already been helping with some of these things and I figured if she is, she may as well get the title. But yeah it could come off that way, you're right.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 6, 2020 at 10:20 AM
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You could but honestly even if she is a bridesmaid that is still a special title not everyone gets. I guess I feel it awkward to make someone maid of honor if they were not asked originally. I mean you could let her know that she is also close to you and you feel she should share that title too.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 6, 2020 at 10:36 AM
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I would not. If I was a friend and felt like I was getting bumped up because I could do more, I’d feel really put off. These titles aren’t given bc of what they can do for you, but bc of your relationship with them. I made my bff for 20+ years who’s like a sister to me my MOH, but she lived across the country, so I was sure if she’d attend or have any involvement in a shower or bachelorette— and that was fine, she was still the person that I wanted by my side every second of my wedding day. My local girls did a TON coordinating plans for nearby bachelorette and secretly meeting with my husband to put together awesome shower games. (Anyone can step up and help out with planning!) But that didn’t make my MOH any less important to me, so I wouldn’t want to do anything to imply that. I know you say she’s okay with it and that may well be true, but I still don’t love the message it sends to either girl.

There are other, better ways to show appreciation than a title, if that’s the goal you’re looking to accomplish. A very thoughtful gift, a truly heartfelt note , just saying a very meaningful thank you from time to time — I think that’s all worth more than a name anyway
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 6, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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Definitely not. Why do you need to “lighten her load”? What’s the load that’s being put on her? Your MOH shouldn’t have any “duties” other than buying a dress and showing up. If she wants to plan a shower/bachelorette party that’s her decision, but other bridesmaids are able to do that too.

You need to think of MOH as being an honorary title for your best friend. Not a job with a load of work that needs to be delegated.
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