Budget/Divorced Parents Rant

I would start planning for what YOU and FH can afford!

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I agree with the other posters and plan a wedding that you can pay for.

Start planning now! I started law school in the fall and it was such a blessing to have a big chunk of planning done. Plan for what you can afford, and if extra financial help comes, accept it gratefully!

Pay for your own wedding. Problem solved.

Then, if they do end up contributing, it'll be a happy surprise.

I agree with the above pay for it yourself and whatever they offer will just be extra and a little less burden for you. My mom said she would give us $50 every week for the wedding but hasn't actually done that and that's okay FH and I are doing it ourselves and if she does start contributing great if not that's fine too. My parents are divorced too so I feel your pain there

Agreed. Plan to pay for the wedding yourselves and budget for what you and FH can afford. Don't plan to spend any money that has been promised to you until it's actually been given. If either of your parents decide to contribute later on, it will be a pleasant surprise, and you'll either end up under budget with some of your own money leftover to put into savings, or you can use the extra money to upgrade things for your wedding or add a few extras.

Plan out for what you can afford then whatever anyone offers that makes it that much more affordable for you! Good luck!

Yeah, I'm gonna have to second what the PP said. I have the same from our parents... so I basically have left them in the dark as far as planning goes for the most part. They know the dates of stuff... but we just started doing our own thing. If they do in the end give us money, great! But we're not counting on it...

Thanks for all the support ladies, I was prepared for planning stress, but not this kind of anxiety! My mom talked my stepdad into going ahead and releasing the money to us, and my FH and I crunched the rest of the numbers and can afford to pay the rest of it. And if my dad decides to contribute closer to the wedding then that will be a bonus. It was just very frustrating to run into a problem like this so early in the planning!

Pay for your own wedding, which cuts out all anxiety about discussing your plans with your family. And do not count on any money you do not have in hand.

Pay for your own wedding, which cuts out all anxiety about discussing your plans with your family. And do not count on any money you do not have in hand.

Sorry you're dealing with this! My parents are also divorced, but it's been easier - they actually had an amount specified in the divorce agreement that they'd each contribute. I ended up not taking the money from my mom as she's paying for hotels for her family and my siblings. Shortly after we got engaged, my dad transferred his portion into my account.

My FH was similar in terms of not wanting to pay so much money for things or paying for deposits or even booking things early enough. It definitely makes it complicated!

Damn, your step-mother figured out my evil scheme. I routinely scam my clients by asking for money when the contract is signed. The math works beautifully.

What a ridiculous thing to say. Money is taken by a vendor upon executing the contract because we need to know that you are serious about our business relationship. A few hundred dollars is just enough to keep a client from walking away after wasting hours of my time and after receiving a free speed course in floral design (i.e., availability, pricing, budget friendly substitutes for pricier stems, and what designs work best for her vision). Without money hanging in the balance, it's too easy for her to scam me -- not the other way around -- and take all of the information, including photos, and passing them onto "whomever" to try to replicate my ideas (usually an epic fail, but still really frustrating). Secondly, I'm taking myself off the market once we sign a contract and collect a deposit. I may receive more inquiries for a contracted client's date, and those inquiries might break my heart to pass on because the bride has four times the budget of my contracted client, but a deal is a deal. If I'm going to turn away business on a particular day, I need assurance -- i.e., money -- that I'm actually going to be working on that day. Hence, the need for an early deposit (if you find someone who lets you slide on that, you're dealing with an amateur who isn't worried about turning away other work).

Honestly, I'd pay for my own wedding. Even though your mother talked your stepfather into releasing the money, you still have to deal with the woman holding the purse strings, and frankly, she has a bad and incorrect attitude towards vendors. Your father is still playing "How much am I giving you?", and that's no way to plan a wedding.

When weddings are funded by outside sources, there are always early signs that strings will be attached to the money, and this is a definite "strings will be attached" situation.

In regards to step mom's comment, I've only heard of that in Shanghai, China because that is how they do things over there. Flowers, photographer, video, cake, officiant and DJ were all booked a few months and in some cases weeks before the wedding. Here in the states that wouldn't fly.

I agree with PP, plan the wedding you and your FH can afford. Don't count any money that you do not have in your hand. Anything you get closer to the wedding, your right consider it a bonus, just don't add to your budget if you do not have the cash in hand.

Please just pay for your own wedding.

I doubt he will contribute a nickel. I don't think he will attach strings, he wont give anything and will make excuse after excuse.

Do not make any decisions based on his giving anything.

Stop talking about the wedding with him and SM.

Run wording on invites by your mom

GL

It is never too early to book vendors so long as they are reputable. Deposits are required ahead of time as well.

Your Step-mom is wrong in that sense.

As for the financial situation, looks like you have it figured out. But like everyone has said, it's easier if you pay for it yourselves because once money is involved, OPINIONS come with it. It's super rare to have "no-strings-attached-money-gifts -for-weddings".

Can you imagine wedding vendors holding dates without a financial commitment from the client?

When working with business strangers, prior to any relationship being established, what's the first action taken to ensure a commitment? Money and a contract.

I highly suggest you and FH have the wedding you two and ONLY you two can plan and pay for. The parents/step parents are behaving badly and giving bad advice (about money/vendors). I would stay as far away from involving them as possible during your wedding planning, keep your planning to yourselves, and when questioned be very vague and change the topic.

You and FH have enough on your plates right now with school. One milestone at time. This is your wedding, you and FH should plan and pay for it yourselves. Problems solved.

You guys are all awesome! I am definitely heeding the advice I have been given here!