Budget

I think your thinking makes sense. If he was able and wanted to help pay for the wedding your dad we bring it up with you. The expectations of contributing are different from family to family and your fiances mom shouldn’t be making assumptions about how your dad will spend his money. I would make sure you’re on the same page with your fiance regarding your budget and expectations for paying for the wedding and then he can let his mom know that your plans are under way. To be blunt, it’s not her business who is paying unless she’s offering.

We initially were going to pay for most/all of our wedding ourselves. Then my parents (divorced) each sent us money for the wedding. It was enough to cover everything with some wiggle room.
We paid for our honeymoon ourselves.
The thing is, don’t let her pressure you into doing something you are uncomfortable with. You’re right. If your dad wants to contribute financially, he will. Don’t let your FMIL’s opinion dictate how you guys handle the funding of the wedding.

I would simply say that We are planning to pay for the wedding ourselves and If we are supported from either one of you guys we will appreciate it. But you feel uncomfortable asking him or anyone else for $$.

I totally feel you. FH’s family couldn’t understand why my parents couldn’t pay for our wedding. “You are their only daughter! What have they been doing all this time?” I politely respond something along the lines of “life throws us curveballs” but yeah, it kinda hurt. Anyway, maybe instead of bringing up dollar amounts like I think your FMIL suggested, just have a convo with your dad on “what are you looking forward to most for the wedding?” or “did you want to help plan anything?” This is a low key way of initiating the conversation without pressure. Maybe he does want to help in some way but doesn’t know how or what you need help with?

I think it's ok for you to just ignore that and pay for it yourself because as you said, if your parents want to contribute - they will say so.

Lots of people pay for their own weddings or most of it now. It’s nice that your in-laws could afford to pay for their daughter’s wedding, but I don’t think your finances or your parents’ finances are any of their business. I would tell her I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. And then not discuss it anymore. If your dad wants to give you money, he will.

Yep I Wouldn't Ask Anyone For Money Because It Makes Me Uncomfortable As Well. My Parents Are Not Financially Capable Of Helping Anyway But I Still Wouldn't Ask. Traditions Are Changing And im Perfectly Fine Paying For Everything Ourselves

We do. We use our savings. No budget in mind, as long as we can afford it, but I always wanted a DW, so we don’t worry about guests.

We are paying the wedding ourselves. We started saving about 18 months out. We wrote down our budget and kinda did the math on how much we had to set aside monthly to meet our goal. It’s been going well thankfully. My dad offered to pay for my dress and my brothers offered to pay for the band. The rest is on us!

I think you're right. I wouldn't ask anyone for money. If your FMiL keeps bringing it up, it may be an instance of having to find a tactful way of thanking her for her concern, but acknowledging that not all families operate the same way. As PPs have said, it's really not her or anyone else's business the personal finances of you or your parents.

We each put money into a joint checking account every month for 15 months before our wedding date (that plus a cash gift from my mom was our original budget).


You can each put in an equal dollar amount, or an equal percentage if there’s a big difference in your salaries. For example, you could each put in 10% of your paycheck into a wedding fund.

We are paying for our wedding. We are older (40 & 44) and never expected anyone to kick money our way. We never really picked an all in budget, just picked vendors along the way and checked the prices out, went with them if we were comfortable. If I really want something, I have just checked with FH about it and the price and he's never batted an eye. We have been using savings along the way. As our wedding was just postponed from July, we have a little more time to pay off those final deposits next year. We do keep a spreadsheet and have been updating it with expenses.

We originally planned on paying for our entire wedding. (My parents very generously gifted us a portion of the wedding.) We looked at what we had in savings and what we could save and cut down costs wherever we could. We've done a good job of paying things off as we go along so that we're not hit with a bunch of bills at once. We have one final payment for the venue and need to buy my wedding band and a of decor odds and ends, but other than that we're paid off!

We're paying for most of ours. My mom offered to pay for the cakes though. We started planning far out and just talked about how we wanted to handle each deposit as we signed contracts, then again talked about the installment payments as they were nearing being due. Most other stuff, like decor/dress/suit/etc, we've been buying as we found stuff. Since we are postponing our July wedding out to next year now, we're planning to pay off everything by the end of the year now. So, come next year, all we'll have to worry about on the day of is tips and anything over the venue's 5K food/drink minimum, plus their 21% gratuity (I'm estimating around 2-2.5K for all that).

We saved our own money monthly. We didnt ask anyone for anything. Whoever wanted to give by all means however we had the mindset to pay for it ourselves

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This is very true I have relatives asking if I need "godparents" for certain things. In Mexico the godparents would sponsor certain things like the shoes, the dress, even the bed sheets for the first night. Point is, if someone wanted to help even with something small they will come up to you and ask you.

We are paying for our own wedding.

Thank you so much for all of your advice!

When we started talking about marriage, we always knew we'd pay for it ourselves. When it came to budgeting, we decided early on what kind of wedding we wanted (small / intimate) and had an amount in our minds of how much not to go over. We've held onto that budget and created a separate account to eventually make our joint account and put money in that account weekly, monthly, etc. Putting money in there has kept us on track and we have enough money to pay for everything in cash including our honeymoon.

We are looking at saving up for 2 years and our tax returns together we should have 25,000