Budget Advice/anyone else went through this?

You just have to be blunt in "this is what a wedding costs today". If it is too much, you all need to sit down and see if something smaller is more in everyone's budgets. The more honest about prices you are, the more they may realize that the wedding they had in the 80s/90s is going to be a lot more expensive today!

You could flip it and make them do all the research and then you just ok what they pick? Have your mom give you a few options within their budget and then you make the final decision? If they are paying you might need to include them more than you would if they were not helping.

We were on the same path as you. Then family brought up stuff about wanting a wedding (because why not, right?). We had everything planned out for what we originally wanted and now we're like freaking out thanks to catering. So now we're just going to go over our list and possibly make a lot of people mad but it's just us two paying for it so I really don't care.

It will also come down to guest count. You can still have a wedding for an extremely decent price if you look up elopement packages. I've seen elopement packages (some also considered micro weddings) for up to 20 people and you can pay for additional guests if you'd like. It doesn't include a reception but you can always do a dinner or something in a nearby restaurant or a cook out somewhere which was our original plan.

For the wedding THEY want you to have, it's going to be costly depending on what they're actually expecting you to have. Just let them know and if it's possible for you guys, you guys can start saving too and make it a group effort so they won't complain as much. I really hope you find something that works. Good luck!

In helping plan and pay for daughter's wedding, honestly, we found the online "average cost of a wedding in your area" calculators extremely accurate -- even if we didn't want to believe it at first. We live in a relatively high-cost of living area and the "average cost of a wedding" calculators predicted a wedding would cost ~ $30,000 where we live. At first, we did not believe it and assumed we could do what daughter wanted for about $20,000. However, even with a LOT of comparison shopping, when everything was done, the total was right around $30,000 for a 100 guest fairly traditional wedding (not including rings, honeymoon, bridal party gifts, etc., that the B&G paid for separate from the what the parents paid). I'd look up calculators for your location, and then have an honest conversation with anyone who has offered to help with finances. There's potentially a big difference between "paying for the wedding" and "contributing a specific amount toward the total cost of a wedding." Either is awesome, but it's important to be on the same page before you start signing contracts. Good luck!

I was in the same boat. I was fine with eloping and FH insisted on a wedding. When we made this decision, we decided it was OUR wedding so we were going to pay for it. My parents wanted to contribute so they wrote me a check for what they could give us. It ended up covering around 25% of the total and we are paying for the rest. His parents are covering the very casual rehearsal dinner. I would honestly just say "You are not in any way obligated to pay for anything but I know that y'all have expressed you really want to help us out. What are you comfortable with contributing?" My parents kept beating around the bush with "How much do you think we should give you?" I literally can't answer that as I do not know your financial situation. You finally have to have the uncomfortable conversation if you want to move forward with planning.

I would talk with them about how you're trying to find cheaper options but it is difficult since everything is so expensive now. Maybe also let them do some research and then they will be able to see how difficult it is to find stuff cheap for a wedding. We are doing our whole wedding (150 people) for $10,000. The only reason I think this is possible is because our venue fee for the ceremony is being waived (I used to work there) and the reception venue is my parent's church ($100 donation for a 2 day reservation). Our caterer is a friend who is a fantastic cook. We are doing a taco bar and she is only charging us for the food, not her time. (I'm paying her an extra $200 for her time). We are saving thousands of dollars by not hiring a caterer. We are also cutting in a bunch of other areas too while still getting nice things. I can go into greater detail on this if you want. I think if you can find a cheaper venue and caterer that's going to help a lot! I'm not skimping on the photography though! I'm paying $2000, $2,900 with the videographer, for that because I will be looking at those photographs for the rest of my life.

They want the wedding, but they don't like what it's going to cost? I'd say get out of the middle of your mother's argument with herself.

She can have the wedding (that you don't want) and pay, without your doing tons of research for her (you don't want this wedding, remember?); she can not pay and not have the wedding (and you will be happier). But your running around trying to make the world suit your mother's ideas of what the wedding (she wants) ought to cost is not a useful way to spend your time. And will lead to frustration and anger.

Your fiance needs to be up to speed with you ASAP. Forget about relatives right now, first you need to be on the same page with your soon-to-be. Discuss your concerns and frustrations with them, and come to an understanding. You cannot proceed forward until you're a united front.

When you've done that, tackle the peanut gallery. They're being very immature and THEIR dream of YOUR wedding is clashing with reality. Be frank with them. If they don't like it, then they don't have to pay for it. I had multiple "versions" of my wedding planned over the last few months because our financial situation was very nebulous. It doesn't hurt to have options.