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Just Said Yes March 2021

Brother's role in wedding

Carolyn, on February 19, 2021 at 10:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hello! New here! So I am close with my brother, but my FH is not as close with his step-brothers (one of which is not even attending the wedding due to COVID travel restrictions from up north). In my dream world, my brother would be a groomsman, but my FH did not want to ask his brothers, and asked only friends.

I really want my brother to feel important and included, so I figured he could escort my mom down the aisle, be an usher and do a reading, along with my FH's teenaged half-sister doing a reading as well.

The groomsmen are in all charcoal suits with navy ties. I was going to have all the dads and brothers in the same outfit as the groomsmen, but now its questionable whether his dad and one brother will be attending, so I felt weird just having my brother and dad in the same outfits as the groomsmen if my FH's family doesn't show up. I was trying to find a darker grey suit to make it similar but slightly different but apparently that's harder than I thought.. I also plan to give groomsmen and dad/rothers boutonnieres..

Any thoughts or suggestions to make sure my brother feels included and looks included as well

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 20, 2021 at 12:24 PM

Super October 2023
Alyssa · on February 19, 2021 at 10:59 PM
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1) have you thought about putting your brother on your side? He could be a bridesman.
2) if you want the bridal party to stick out from everyone else, I would put your family in something that's similar but not identical. If you can't find a different suit. How about different ties and boutonnieres?
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Just Said Yes March 2021
Carolyn · on February 19, 2021 at 11:07 PM
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Great ideas!! So I’ve thought about making him a bridesman but it’s kind of a weird to have him in the wedding but it my FHs step brother or younger half-sister right? I would love to include everyone if it was all up to me!

I do like the idea of a similar but different suit. I thought I could find a darker grey to go with the medium charcoal but haven’t been able to find that many options at Jos A Banks.. but maybe I can look elsewhere..
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Dedicated August 2021
Miya · on February 19, 2021 at 11:08 PM
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I’m having my brother as a bridesman. He will be escorting our mom and dressed similar to groomsmen. But he will have a boutonnière to match bridesmaids.
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Super October 2023
Alyssa · on February 19, 2021 at 11:13 PM
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Is FHs siblings as close to him or you as your brother is to you? I'd put my brothers in my wedding party and my FH wouldn't put his siblings in and it wouldn't bother anyone. They know they're not as close and bicker all the time. I'm super close to my brothers and love them. A bride should have the people she's closest to and those who will stand up with her to be by her side. As should a groom. Don't ever feel obligated to include someone you guys wouldn't want 100%
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on February 20, 2021 at 12:04 AM
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Why not make him a “bridesman”? Mixed gender wedding parties are incredibly common these days, and you should have those closest to you by your side regardless of gender or who your fiancé choses as his closet friends/family. You should feel liberated to make that decision independent of who your fiancé choses to stand on his side, especially if your relationship with your brother is stronger. Just food for thought. 🙂
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on February 20, 2021 at 7:40 AM
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I agree with the others that if you are that close to him you should have him as a bridesman. . Another idea would be do give him a special dance at the wedding with you.
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Just Said Yes March 2021
Carolyn · on February 20, 2021 at 8:21 AM
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Thank you everyone for the advice! I would have made my brother a bridesman but felt weird putting him in the wedding and not my fiancé’s siblings.. do you think that’s a problem or no?
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on February 20, 2021 at 8:52 AM
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I don't see that as a problem. You choose the people you want up there, and he does the same. If one of those people for you is your brother, then your brother is in the wedding. If he isn't close enough with his brothers, he isn't obligated to have them. That doesn't mean you can't have who you want.
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Super January 2021
Sharonda · on February 20, 2021 at 9:13 AM
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Exactly!! I agree! Don’t overthink this!
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on February 20, 2021 at 10:41 AM
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I'd make him a bridesman. This is your brother.

If your FH isn't close to or didn't grow up with his step or half siblings, that's a bright line distinction as to why they're not in the bridal party. If they get upset over it, that's on them.
Also, I feel that being an usher is more of a chore than an honor. Are they even necessary?
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 20, 2021 at 12:24 PM
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Ushers not groomsmen may dress like GM, but need not. If he is just escorting family, it is usually not worth the expense of a suit he would not buy for himself. I would have him buy or help him buy a really nice suit for a job interview, prom, or meal in a nice restaurant with a date, in a color which flatters him, likely lighter grey, navy, or a slate blue grey. You could also have him stand with you, just as ushers who are friends of the groom often stand with GM. Family parents and gramdparents are seated last in the prelude. Then there is a minute or two pause when groom and GM come in to side front, and ushers go to places, doors close before the processional. In which case he would coordinate but not match your ladies.
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