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Ellen
Just Said Yes August 2021

Brother’s girlfriend?

Ellen, on July 27, 2021 at 7:53 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
Hi all, wondering your advice on this decision I’ve been playing around with. My fiancé and I are getting married 8/14/21 (less than three weeks!) and our RSVPs were due back on 7/3. A week or so after, my brother (age 21) met a girl and has been on three dates with her. She has only met my dad so far. My brother is also officiating and knows a lot of my fiancé’s friends, so I’m nervous he would be babysitting a girl who doesn’t know anyone yet. Our guest list is small at 70 people (though I still wanted smaller). The seating chart actually worked out perfectly and adding her would move things around again, likely adding an extra table and we already submitted our rentals. Regardless, should she be invited? I thought a nice compromise could be inviting her for the post-dinner portion, but really feel uncomfortable about her meeting all of our family for the first time that night.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on July 27, 2021 at 5:58 PM
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Personally I wouldn’t invite her since they just started dating. Plus ones are usually reserved for those engaged or lively together or in serious relationships. Your brother is going to be busy with family and friends anyway so I wouldn’t worry about him.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If they didn’t start dating until after the rsvp date, I definitely don’t think she needs to be invited. He can introduce her to the family at another point in time. I wouldn’t invite her to the after dinner portion. To me, that’s worse than not inviting her at all because it says “you can come but we don’t want to spend money feeding you or getting you a chair.”
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Yeah, it's only been a few weeks and a few dates. This is not really a relationship yet. Since your brother is helping with the wedding, it could be a courtesy to give him a +1 anyway, but in this situation I don't feel like you have to.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would not invite her. Going on 3 dates does not constitute a relationship. Your brother will be busy with his duties. She can meet the family another time.

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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    If they weren’t dating or an official couple when invites went out, you don’t need to invite her, but she’s an adult and wouldn’t need “babysitting” that’s just kind of inappropriate to say since you haven’t even met her.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I disagree - it’s your brother and officiant, he should get a plus one. It’s not a random guest. Inviting post-dinner is rude, I’d do all or nothing. But I think if you have a seat for her it sounds like he’d appreciate it.
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  • Ellen
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Ellen ·
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    Thanks everyone, Also to clarify for previous/future comments, they aren’t technically dating yet. I should’ve left “girlfriend” out of the title!
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree I'm all for inviting significant others regardless how long they have been together, but I think you have a pass not having to invite her since they started dating after rsvps
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    No need. You’ve already put in the order for rentals and you’re three weeks out.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Did your brother ask that she be in attendance? If so, I think you should make room for her. If this relationship ends up nowhere, oh well, but if it ends up serious you'll always be the one that said no to having her at your wedding.

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  • Jocelyn
    Dedicated September 2021
    Jocelyn ·
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    Hi. Your wedding.. your choice. My brother isn't doing anything in the wedding, but we only have plus 1's to those that have been in a long term committed relationship or married. He met someone and asked if he could bring her. We let him know that he could not, but she could come to the other events planned for the weekend after the wedding. He didn't like the response and I could care less because he isn't paying for our wedding. He is so attending, so problem solved. I hope this helps
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    A plus one is a random stranger for an unattached single. A significant other is an automatic invite and is *NOT* a plus one. 3 dates in she would be a plus one because they are not an established couple.
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