Hannah
Just Said Yes June 2021

Brother’s Girlfriend Zilla?

Hannah , on November 18, 2019 at 9:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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Hello!
I guess a back ground would be, I’m currently 18 but I’ll be married right before I turn 20. Our date is June 26, 2021 so we have quite a bit till the day comes.
My oldest brother has a girlfriend, let’s say her name is Shay. They have dates for 4 years now and I’ve gotten pretty close with her being the only girl out of 3 kids. Me and my fiancé decided we weren’t going to have a wedding party, we are both college students so it won’t fit our very small budget and we don’t want to deal with the drama of who’s gets to be who because we both don’t have many friends. Finding this out. Shay yelled at me saying how it’s unfair she’s helping me plan but doesn’t get to be the maid of honor. Her planning has been what she wants for her wedding, not mine.I told her our colors and she tried to change them, and regarding the flowers, baby’s breath are my favorites and hydrangeas are my fiancé’s. She told me “you should have pink roses. Baby’s breath are so boring”. Then she complained we are having fake flowers, and yada yada yada. Everything we’ve chose she doesn’t like. She even tried to change our first dance song! Her main issue is how low the budget is and how it isn’t going to be “the perfect wedding.”The perfect wedding is marrying my fiancé, he’s my best friend and I’m not worried about spending lots of money on our wedding as long as he’s the my groom at the alter.My mom has tried to talk to her but she’s still so hateful towards what I choose..Any thoughts or advice?

16 Comments

  • Destiny
    Rockstar May 2020
    Destiny ·
    • Flag
    Your brother needs to be the one to talk to her
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I disagree with PP about your brother having a conversation with her. This disagreement is between you and her as friends and has nothing to do with your brother. Stop discussing wedding details with her. The less she knows, the less she has to complain about. Just tell her you've decided to keep everything between you and your FH so your guests will all be surprised.

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  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    This. She doesn’t need to know anything if she isn’t going to be involved in the wedding outside of being a guest so just don’t include her in your plans. I definitely wouldn’t involve your brother because that will likely backfire on you.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
    • Flag
    Stop telling her. She can’t argue with things she doesn’t know about.
    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
    • Flag

    Stop telling her the details. I'm sure you don't need her help so badly that you have to put up with her b.s.

    That's so rude, trying to change all of your ideas for your wedding. Sounds like a snob. I would just start keeping the details to yourself, and if she presses, tell her you have everything under control, but you appreciate her concern. You'll let her know if you need any of her help.

    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Expert June 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    If you don't want her to be in the wedding party, kick her out. Toxic personalities are only going to invite drama and aren't worth the hassle.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar October 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    She has zero right to demand being your MOH. I can understand she may be a bit hurt since she is helping you, but helping a bride doesn't immediately mean she has to be an attendant. If you've decided not to have them that is totally your right. It is YOUR wedding, not hers. I do think your brother should be the first to talk to her though since she is his sister. You are supposed to have what you want for your wedding, it's not about her.

    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Expert November 2020
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    It really just sounds like she’s salty you’re younger and planning your wedding and she’s not. Stop telling her details and she won’t be able to change them.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert November 2019
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    Okay, this isn’t her wedding, it’s your wedding. You love baby’s breath? Use baby’s breath. He loves hydrangeas? Use hydrangeas. You want artificial flowers? Girl, go for it! It sounds like a maturity issue to me. So, the best way to keep her from trying to make your wedding what she wants? Don’t share the details. Let her know you want to make your wedding your own and not someone else’s. So, you and FH will work it out together. As far as expectations go, nobody should demand to be someone’s MOH. If you want her to be MOH, great. If you want her to be a bridesmaid, great. If you just want her to be a guest, great. That’s your decision, not hers.
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    Stop discussing anything wedding related with her. Don't ask her for help. Think of it like this: you and FH want things to be your way and the best way to do that is to plan it all together. Makes it much more personal and special!

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I agree with PPs that I'd quit talking about your wedding plans to her. She clearly has nothing positive to say, so I'd keep details to myself and FH!

    • Reply
  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    Stop discussing things with her, and she won't be badgering you with her opinions, it is your day, not hers Smiley smile

    Honestly it is probably coming from a place of jealousy! Enjoy your day, your way!


    • Reply
  • MrsCase2020
    Dedicated September 2020
    MrsCase2020 ·
    • Flag

    Either your brother needs to talk to her or you can just stop talking about the wedding planning with her because it's coming from a place of jealousy.

    • Reply
  • Aimee
    Devoted July 2020
    Aimee ·
    • Flag

    Nope! This is your wedding between you and your FH. Cut her out of details. I brainstorm with my BMs but at the end of the day it is between you and your FH.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    Thank you all so much. I will definitely stop sharing details with her 😊
    • Reply
  • BRIYELL
    Savvy September 2020
    BRIYELL ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I love this Idea, I will use this when asked about my plans for our wedding. I love being surprised when I go to weddings. It's so nice to see all the details for the first time and see how creative people are.


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