This group helped me so much when I was planning my wedding, I'm back for some advice. Sorry that this is going to be long!
About 2 years ago my brother got married. My parents and I did a lot on the day - decorating, clean up, picking up rented decor from an hour away, overall just helping to make the day beautiful and perfect. It was what I would call a normal/traditional wedding with a ceremony and reception of 150 people.
Today they made a Facebook post about how they are celebrating their 3 year anniversary. I texted my brother saying I was confused. He admitted that they had eloped and gotten married with 2 witnesses a year before their wedding.
So they have been married for 3 years, not 2. The event I attended and helped with was in fact not their real wedding. Our entire extended family was in attendance and believed it to be their wedding. My 87 year old grandmother sat out in the hot sun for a ceremony that wasn't their actual wedding ceremony.
I told them that I was hurt and that what they did was wrong. Their position is that I'm ruining their anniversary and am not supportive of them. I said that the event we attended must mean nothing to them since they're celebrating today as their anniversary. And that they essentially stole time and money from those who traveled and attended. (The wedding was at a ski resort and involved travel and hotels). My parents also paid for most of the reception.
It's not that I wouldn't have helped/attended or happily celebrated a celebration of marriage event after they eloped. It's not that they eloped. It's that we were lied to all this time and led to believe we were participating in a wedding. My mom is crushed of course to learn through Facebook that her son got married and didn't tell her.
My SIL unfriended me but they made a big post about how they didn't mean to hurt anyone and how they are thankful for everyone who is supporting them. And how they are hurt by those who said they "lied" (they did!) And that they "had a fake wedding" (it was!). All the comments seem to be in support of their actions and I'm the odd one out. To me I believe if you're going to elope then own it. You don't get 2 wedding days!
So am I in the wrong here? And how do we move past this to have any relationship with them going forward, or is that even possible at this point?