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Brothers at war

Molly, on March 6, 2026 at 2:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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Our 2 sons became engaged within months of each other. One spoke vaguely about getting married in 2028 due to finances being tight, though his fiancé was keener on 2027.
The other brother got organised straight away and booked his wedding for Autumn 2027.
His brother had announced that things have now changed and he’s getting married 10 weeks before his brother. This announcement has caused world war 3 to break out. One brother feels hurt, that it’s been done deliberately to upstage him and his bride and is basically angry. He had disinvited his brother and future SiL to his engagement party. He wants his brother’s wedding to be moved. We are horrified and under stress to see the boys at war with one another. We feel torn. Old hurts have resurfaced and we have been accused of having a favourite. We recognised they feel hurt and that some of their moment had been taken from them, but equally feel it’s not the end of the world and that both boys should concentrate on their wedding and enjoy this time in their lives.
Can any one help advise how to navigate , jerk this situation. Our fear is this is just going to escalate, as each becomes more stubborn and digs in their heels .

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Private User, on July 8, 2026 at 5:02 PM

Amy · on March 7, 2026 at 11:54 PM
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They get one day!! One day for their wedding.
10 weeks is a lot of time between the two. The year I got married, my sister got married and my husband's sister got married. The two brothers are of marrying age & that is what happens. They often fall in the same year.
No one is stealing the other's thunder. They each have their own special day.
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Super December 2022
LM · on March 8, 2026 at 8:26 PM
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You're the parent, so lead already. Everyone gets one day, so if they didn't feel special before that's pretty much your fault. Lay down the law that they need to grow up and get along. And BTW, these dates work for their partners and their partners' families as well, so no one is harming another on purpose. Honestly, I thought they would be worried about family members (or even you) for paying and traveling to two weddings in the same year, but you mention none of that, just their self-involvement. sigh
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Just Said Yes 0000
Private User · on July 8, 2026 at 5:02 PM
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I was/am in the same situation as both of my sons decided to get married in the same year…2026. The competition was evident from the start with the youngest son’s fiancée/new wife fanning the flames. My younger son went back and forth on whether to invite his older brother. He did so after the RSVP date. Since it was a destination wedding the older son was not able to attend on such short notice. Of course this (late invite) made the older son angry and things escalated. We now move onto the older son’s wedding. He did invite his younger brother and his new wife. It remains to be seen if he attends. His new wife, as expected, has already declined. What I have learned over this past year is that getting in the middle of it only caused more whining and more stress. It is best to remember that they are grown adults and are now responsible for their choices….old hurts and all. State that you, of course, would like them to invite one another and ask each if they really want to add more stress to their wedding planning by concentrating on their brother rather than their partner and their day. It will bring so much relief to you and your spouse. It was like a weight lifted when I realized I can’t control their choices. I am now so looking forward to the next wedding, regardless if my younger son attends or not. Good Luck! PS…our weddings were 12 weeks apart, no one is trying to upstage at 10 weeks apart.
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