Brothers as Groomsmen?

I would pick who you and your fiancé want standing with you. Who your more comfortable with and closer with. I also have 3 brothers and 2 of them will be groomsmen, but they have a close relationship with my fiancé. My fiancé has 6 brothers and only 1 of them will be in the wedding. He is happy with his decision and didn't feel like he needed to ask all his brothers to be in the wedding since everyone will be invited and part of our big day regardless.

You don’t have to have siblings as wedding party members. My brother wasn’t a groomsman and his wife wasn’t my bridesmaid. However I did have them walk in the processional the way the parents did

I dont think you need to have siblings or SILs in the wedding unless you want them there. Most people understand wedding parties are for your closest friends. you can find other jobs for them like doing a reading, or ushering people down the aisle instead of the groomsmen, or handing out programs. or just let them enjoy the day as a regular guest!

I don't think you're obligated to have family in your wedding party just because they're family. I have 5 sisters and only 2 are bridesmaids. None of my brother-in-laws are groomsmen either. We picked the people we were closest with as our wedding party. His 3 brothers are groomsmen but that's cause he wanted them to be, not out of obligation. I find it really rude when family members try to dictate who you should have in your wedding. It should be about who you want standing next to you and who you're closest to.

You absolutely don't need to have family/siblings in the wedding party, and I'd also advise against coming up with a "number" that you and your fiancé must stick to in order to make things even (prioritizing aesthetics over your actual relationships with people is never a good idea). If you choose, your brothers can be involved in small other ways (readings, walking other people down the aisle, etc.) or they can be guests, as well as your SIL. You and your fiancé should both just choose all the people to which you're closest as your wedding party.

Thank you all for your advice!!! I appreciate knowing that I'm not crazy for not wanting my brothers and SILs in our bridal party

Mom gets ZERO say in the bridal party, especially who is on your FH’s side. What’s right for her is absolutely not what’s necessarily right for you. Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest, and FH’s should be his. Don’t choose anyone out of obligation — that always ends badly. It’s not necessary to include someone just because you’re family. My brother wasn’t in our wedding— it didn’t diminish our relationship or my love for him, we just don’t have *that* kind of relationship. Do what’s best for you, choose who you couldn’t imagine not having by your side. Sounds like you guys had it all well sorted. Don’t change based on mom commentary.

The age gap shouldn't matter in my opinion, but if you aren't close with them they shouldn't be in your wedding party. My brother was a groomsmen, and he is 6 years younger than my husband. My husband's 4 sisters were bridesmaids and they were 5-13 years older than me. But we are all close and our whole family is close. If you don't include them in the wedding party, I'd still include them in the processional.

Pick who YOU want, not who your mom wants. If you're not close with them, don't pick them! It is your day, not hers!

Be very polite, and very direct. Tell her that you are choosing all friends, not family for your bridal party, and your FI is making his own choices. And to please not try to push brothers or SIL into the wedding party. It won't change things, but will make you extremely angry. This is an aspect of your wedding she has no say in. Period. That said, some people have GM do double duty and assist with seating, at least grandmother's, mothers, maybe godmothers. Some have ushers they that like wedding party, but not at altar, just seating people. But in many families, son's, brothers, or nephews of the MOB or MOB are ushers, special escorts for honored women of the family, who are seat the very last thing, before the actual processional starts. They usually dress as guests in nice suits, since they are representative of famies, not in the general bridal party of B or G. Just as readers and soloists from family or friends, are not bridal party. It is often the choice of the mother or grandmother who escorts her to her seat, her husband walking behind if not walking down the aisle. And perhaps that person or persons, brothers, could escort other VIP front rows families, their own, then end with mothers. Just that one duty,