Brother Wedding and childcare

Poor baby, I'm so sorry she's sick.
Your brother has asked for a child-free wedding. That doesn't mean he loves you or his niece any less. It's none of your business to figure out why they made this decision. It's only your decision to go or not. If you really want to go, would you rather leave out of state without your daughter, or take her with you and let an experienced caretaker watch her for a few hours? It's your choice to go or not, but do not fault him for setting his own boundary. It's his wedding, not yours.

And I’m sure he has read all the blog posts responses like yours to dig his heels in even more and make not just me but the rest of my family even more uncomfortable. Me not going at all is not an option unless I want to cause more damage. And there is no way I can fully embrace someone my kid has never met and I do not know I was told no flexibility if it doesn’t work. I told him I would try but needed there to be flexibility and he said no, that I’m only allowed to visit. So I’ll just cry and realize that he sucks while watching the babies that are still breastfeeding who are at the reception and aren’t even relatives because that’s what the blogs say you should make an exception for, then wait till 3 years heals the sting of it all.

Your brother is certainly within his right to choose to have a child-free wedding. But he needs to remember that it is your right to respond to the invitation in the manner that works best for your family. He doesn’t get to dictate whether you attend or what you choose for childcare. Declining to leave your child with a complete stranger isn’t selfish, it’s responsible parenting! I can’t imagine how traumatic that would be for both you and her! Your brother is being selfish and unreasonable demanding you choose only his option for childcare. Child-free weddings are common; but when you decide to have one, you do so knowing that may mean people with children will decline to attend. Your brother has made the decision that he feels is best for him. Now you get to make the decision that is best for you and your daughter. Your brother obviously doesn’t feel bad for his decision, so stop feeling guilty for yours.
And for what it’s worth… we have also chosen to have a child-free wedding. We understand that means parents may decline to attend. By no means would we EVER try to force our family or friends to use a stranger for a sitter in order to attend!

It doesn’t matter what’s ideal for them or other extended family. It matters what’s ideal for you. Since your child isn’t invited to the wedding (which is their right), it sounds like the ideal would be just you flying to the wedding or none of you going. I know you said that not going would cause more drama, but that’s not on you. You aren’t responsible for how others behave when you make decisions with your/your spouse/your child’s best interest in mind.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. ❤️

You’re not being selfish. With it being out of state and plane ride away I’d politely decline and tell them exactly why when they ask. There’s no way I’d fly in just for a 20 min ceremony and I wouldn’t want a stranger they chose to watch my child either. Sorry you are dealing with this.

Solution found. I’m going solo. Don’t have to take off work, travel with a toddler or worry about who is taking care of my kid. Feeling much less bitter because I’m meeting my and family’s needs first and still showing up for my parents and brother. Going to meet up with other family separately at some point in the future. Thank you for the support. More need to be explained about this topic because just saying, their wedding their way does not address all the emotions bad stressors that go into these family events.

I'm sorry that your baby is sick and I hope she feels better. I understand both sides to this situation. Your brother and his FW are asking for a child free reception. It is their right and their wish so that needs to be respected. You are married and understand that planning a wedding is stressful and is full of what you want for your big day.

Now, the tables are flipped. You are being asked to be a guest at your brothers wedding out of town and the invite state's no children at the reception. That is the request. The groom has offered childcare but you're not comfortable. Absolutely understand this! We must be comfortable with leaving our children in the care of people. Totally get that! I'm a mom.

This is were the rubber meets the road. Your brother gave an option and you refused. His wedding is kid-free, so you'll have to respect it even if you do not like it. I'm sure you would love to be in attendance but they have a request. I understand you're in your feelings about his request however you too need to be understanding that it is what he wants. He should not have to be flexible because you arehis sister. I believe that is where your hurt stems from.
As a bride to be I too am having a kid-free wedding. My reasoning is because I am having a black-tie affair. Also, I do not want children running around at my wedding. That is the choice we decided. We are well aware that those who have children may not attend, but it is what we want for our wedding. There is no flexibility in that.
This post is not to bash you but to help you look at at it differently. I don't believe you are being selfish for asking because you really want to be there. It ruffled some feathers as it was already mentioned before. Maybe that is why your mom asked you to apologize.
Are you willing to go alone? Is there a friend that can watch her while you both are gone? Maybe his parents? Can someone facetime you during the ceremony?
If you have exhausted all the possibilities, then you may have to decline. I feel if you have to decline talk with your brother and let him know you would've loved to be there but you will respect his wishes for his wedding. Maybe make plans to visit in the future to hang out. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Awesome! I wrote a long post for no reason! ❤❤

View Quoted Comment Oh I didn't know how to erase it! 😂

View Quoted Comment Good job! Now remember to stay firm in your decision. Your brother made the decision that is best for him, and you made the decision that is best for you. Don’t engage in any conversations that your brother or parents may try to force you into regarding the subject. If they bring it up, simply state your ticket has already been purchased, you will be showing up to support your brother and his marriage, and you will not be discussing it any further. Staying firm and shutting down that conversation should kill the topic for future discussions. I hope you have a wonderful time at your brothers wedding! 😊

In your situation, I think that going solo and leaving your child at home with your spouse seems like an excellent idea

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Regardless of relationship, you do have the right to decline if circumstances do not allow you to attend. If someone else gets angry you can’t go, that’s their issue, not yours.


Unfortunately people who are planning child free weddings don’t always take the “other side” into consideration. They can be upset if someone special is unable to attend, but they cannot be angry at the other person or use guilt tactics when potential guests decline.

Your brother doesn't get to dictate how you handle his choice for a no kids wedding. He has no right to have any opinion about it.