Brother suggesting i change wedding date for pregnant sil

I had a 34 week preemie. Agree with all the others, your brother’s place is with his wife and family. I would apologize to him profusely and your future SIL for even asking this of him.

You have every right to want to get married on a date that you envisioned but you have to realize that if you do that your brother will not be there. If you truly want him there then I would consider changing the date or if you're dead set on June having the wedding locally.
Your brother is absolutely right to not want to leave his very pregnant wife and kids. Imagine if you were in her position. You wouldn't want him to leave either.It basically comes down to what is more important to you - the date or your brother being there.
You haven't set the date yet so you still have options.

View Quoted Comment Right there is no way I will have money in 7 moths to go to another country. Nor would u or my fiancé be able to get off of work.

Why not just postpone the wedding until 2020 if you’re really wanting a June date? I would decline in a heart beat if asked to go to a DW out of the country with barely any time to save. It’s not feasible for a lot of people.

Thanks for all of the comments and feedback on this. I know my fiancé especially is really eager to have the wedding in June because that is when his homeland / home area is at its best. Also... for a while we were not on the same page about getting married (I wanted to and he didn't). Finally, we got on the same page and started talking engagement and wedding.... I don't really want to slow down the momentum by putting the wedding off just for SIL and potentially my brother. I went ahead and called SIL about it and told her I was sorry we were leaning towards this date and that I would try to do what I could in light of her situation. She said that she understands my need to set a date that both fiancé and i feel is suitable, and she said of course she would do everything in her power to come and plan to be there if it were earlier or later, but that she really wants me to do what makes me happy. And that sometimes unexpected things can happen with pregnancy and babies so she would only want me to switch dates if that is truly what I am comfortable with and want to do. She said she will just be happy for me regardless and doesn't want me to feel any kind of bad feelings or pressure. It made me feel better about doing what I want to do. I still want my brother to be there and am going to ask him to be one of my attendants. I know he would be sad about not having his family there (he told me he would feel like he's not all ther or fully participating, which upset me) but in my family we support each other and stick together and we have been through so much I think he will want to be there on my big day ultimately. My mom told me maybe she can pay for a nanny to stay with SIL for a couple of days if my brother does come so I really feel fine about expecting him to be there if at all possible.

About people not having time to save up, I can see that point and I suspect a lot of my friends won't be able to come. My fiancé has a number of friends who are well off and it should be no problem for a number of them, plus he has friends and family who are local to the area. In a sense it's kind of a compromise because we will live in my country and see my friends and family regularly while not seeing his family very much. So while I can see the logic about giving people more time to save, I almost just want to keep the momentum going and let the chips fall where they may.

View Quoted Comment Of course he WANTS to be there when you get married, but you still have to be prepared that he likely will choose being there for his wife and children over you. That is his family now so if you make him choose between your wedding (potentially missing the birth of his child) and his wife, you need to understand that he might choose his wife.

View Quoted Comment

What happened with this? Is your brother coming to the wedding?

I would divorce my husband if he left me in that part if a pregnancy, to fly to another continent, for a family wedding ir anything else. So I understand SIL. You need to make a choice. Have the destination wedding. Without him. Perfectly fine, your choice. Or reschedule, or relocate the wedding. Can't have it both ways. Not up to anyone but you to decide, now that you know what the dilemma is . Weddings are not the be all, end all, thing in life. Easy to forget that, here. But the fact is, people miss weddings because of work, getting strep throat the week before ( or kids getting something) and not wanting to travel whole sick, and share it. They get kidney stones, and fall and hurt their nose and cannot fly. People have complications of pregnancies at 6 months, and 3 months after birth a baby may still be in care, or need parents. . . So giving in to schedule another time or place will not guarantee their attendance. Would you be angry if you rescheduled or relocated your wedding just for them, and they could not come anyways? . . .There is no right or wrong here. Having your family travel so far, is a hardship for many, and as time goes by, many who say they will come, won't. You decide. But if you keep the same plans, graciously tell your brother and SIL, you have made peace with the fact you have set it in a time and place that won't work for them. But at this time, birth of a child is the one and only thing other than care of the children they already have, that they should even think about. You will miss them, but understand this is priority time for their small family.