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Just Said Yes June 2022

Brother in laws in wedding

123456mb, on August 10, 2020 at 6:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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I have two sisters, and my fiancé has one. His sister will be one of my bridesmaids, along with my sisters. And he chose one of my brother-in-laws to be a groomsmen because they’re close and have a great relationship. My other brother in law and my fiancé aren’t as close, and don’t hangout outside of family get togethers, and wasn’t asked to be a groomsman.

Initially I knew I would have to address this with my sister whose husband won’t be a part of the wedding. But now I’m feeling bad. I don’t want him to feel left out, but he doesn’t have a relationship with my fiancé. Also, they have little kids that will be at the wedding and I don’t want my mom and dad to be responsible for watching the kids if both their parents are in the wedding.
I’m just second guessing myself wondering if it is wrong to leave him out.
What would you do?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Willow, on August 13, 2020 at 1:30 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 10, 2020 at 6:42 PM
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I would just leave it as be. I don’t think that he should be added into the party just because either
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on August 10, 2020 at 6:54 PM
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Adults understand that relationships are different and not everyone can be included in everything, at the same level. Or at least they should understand this. I would leave it be.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on August 10, 2020 at 7:02 PM
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Did your sister say something? I mean he cannot be hurt when he is not close to your FH. Did he say something? He probably is not thinking of it. I do not think men take things like a woman might.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on August 10, 2020 at 7:30 PM
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I wouldn't worry about it unless your sister asks. At which point then you would just kindly tell her that your fiance picked your other brother-in-law because they are good friends. Really you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Hopefully, your sister and her husband don't question you.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on August 10, 2020 at 7:37 PM
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I agree, I wouldn’t even address it with your sister. I don’t feel there’s a need for your FH or you to explain why he chose who he did for his wedding party, and you addressing it would likely only bring attention to it. I’m sure the husband who wasn’t chosen to be in the wedding is perfectly aware that he does not have the same relationship as the other brother-in-law, and because of that he would probably feel weird if he was asked to be in the wedding, or feel like it was a “pity ask”. I would just let it be. If she asks about it, then you can address it.
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on August 10, 2020 at 9:09 PM
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I agree with Chrysta 100%. I don’t think men care as much as women do (for the most part - not to generalize lol). If they don’t have a relationship it shouldn’t even be a factor. He is not “owed” an invite just bc your other BIL is in the wedding.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on August 12, 2020 at 2:59 AM
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The bridal party should be those who are closest to you. Since he doesn’t have a relationship with your FH, asking him wouldn’t make sense. The BIL may also find it awkward or weird if he was asked.
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Beginner July 2021
Emily · on August 12, 2020 at 3:15 AM
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Ah girl! This is a hard one!

If this was me, I would explain all this to your sister and see how she takes the news then tell him about it. My fiancé and I have run into a problem with too big of a wedding party so we’re going to ask those people to be heavily involved in the wedding, just in different ways like ushering, help coordinating, etc. So, maybe you could have him involved in other ways that are meaningful, just not a groomsman.

But based off how concerned you are about his feelings, I assume you’re very caring and loving towards him so I don’t think he would feel otherwise. God bless you and your fiancé with your wedding 😊
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 12, 2020 at 10:06 PM
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Leave him out. Depending on the ages of his kids, between 4 and 8 the kids have to learn that just because your brother or best friend is invited to a party or outing, you who are not such close friends may not be. Adults should already be mature enough to understand. I hope BIL and sister view it like adults. My five year old twins have already figured it out. Some of the others got upset til they were 7 or 8.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on August 13, 2020 at 1:30 AM
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Since he's an in law, I'd leave it be.
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