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February 2020

Brother elopement gift or not to gift?

Amy, on February 3, 2020 at 7:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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My brother and his fiance have decided to elope to New York (we live in the UK) no family are Invited they are planning a celebration 4 months later which I may or may not be able to attend due to other in law commitments (I'm stressing about this double 50th for mil and fil party I am helping plan). I'm torn as to if I should get a gift ? My and Husband I got married abroad last year (it was a long journey) and we invited our family we didn't ask for gift as it was essentially a holiday for them - my brother got us a card and no gift.. so I'm not sure what to do as I feel like I should get something but I'm annoyed that we invited family so not to upset everyone and by them having a planned elopement avioid this and will still expect a present... I'm torn as I don't even know if I can attend there celebration now! Please help

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on February 3, 2020 at 11:42 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 3, 2020 at 7:29 AM
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If it's within your budget, I would send a gift. For anyone besides a close friend or immediate family member, sure, I probably wouldn't, but it's your brother. I don't think the fact that he didn't give you a gift has anything to do with your decision.
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 7:35 AM
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I think as well it's difficult for me to understand if I should get him a gift on the return of his elopement or at the time of the celebration party or do I get something for both.. ? They live in a different part of the country from me. So it's also legistically hard as it is if I can't make the celebration I don't know what to do I would still have to book a weekend away to send something and I feel a gift card is a little unexceptable from a sibling but at the same time I'm not going to there Wedding?
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 3, 2020 at 7:40 AM
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It would be acceptable to give a gift for either the ceremony or the reception, but I think it makes more sense to send it around the reception. Since you don't know if you can attend yet, you can wait to see if you will send it or bring it to the reception with you.
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 7:44 AM
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Thank you! I mean in your opinion would you go to your mother in law and father in law's joint 50th birthday (I've been helping to plan it cake and all!) Or your brother wedding celebration when you weren't invited to the wedding (but he's your brother!) It's a difficult predicament and I don't want to upset anyone but I'm annoyed because I've worked hard to help my in laws designing invites ECT so hard to know what to do for the best!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 3, 2020 at 7:46 AM
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If you weren't planning the party, I would attend the reception. Since you're hosting, I don't think it's acceptable to skip it. Did your brother know that you had other commitments when he set the date? Are both events on the same day?
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 7:55 AM
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No I don't think he knew about it. I did let him know as soon as he told me when he was thinking of having it which would be on the same day It's still unconfirmed. I live near my in-laws so I'm worried I would upset them if I wasn't there having planned it with them 1 year in advanced. I'm designing the invites for the birthday. I'm not involved with any planning for my brother reception but again he's my brother my husband would have to stay here and I would have to go alone which I would dread!!
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on February 3, 2020 at 9:01 AM
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For my brother, I would still get a gift. I don't think the type of wedding should have anything to do with whether or not someone receives a congratulatory gift. It is a kind gesture, simple as that. As for him not getting you a gift, no one is ever obligated. Again, gift giving is just a kind gesture.
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 9:17 AM
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Should you give after they get married or around there party? and how much should you spend on an elopement gift if you weren't invited but they are close family.. I really don't have a clue I've been to one wedding and it was my own! Haha
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on February 3, 2020 at 9:44 AM
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I would just send a card congratulating him on the wedding.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 3, 2020 at 9:45 AM
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Stop thinking about all the rest of the details, both regarding the circumstances of their wedding, and your own, as well as what he got you. None of that stuff is relevant. Gift him a gift if you want to give him a gift, full stop. There’s no requirement and it’s not bad or weird if you don’t. So give if you want to give and don’t if you don’t want to.

Me personally? I like doing nice things for people, and I love my brother. So, based on only that, I’d probably send a gift.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 3, 2020 at 9:57 AM
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Definitely send a card. Up to you if you’d like to send a little gift.
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 10:02 AM
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I'd definitely send a card it's a gift I'm not sure about I would describe our relationship as distant friends we live in different parts of the country so don't see each other that often... It's difficult - get a gift I would have to visit them..
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 3, 2020 at 10:43 AM
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You could mail a gift card, or order something online (you could ask if they’re registered anywhere) and have it shipped. Don’t pay for a trip just to drop off a gift.
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February 2020
Amy · on February 3, 2020 at 10:46 AM
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Ordering something online is a good idea I didn't think of that.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 3, 2020 at 11:42 AM
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Even if they’re not registered maybe kitchen or bath items from Bed, Bath, Beyond or Target. They can always exchange but new kitchen towels are always nice to get and not too expensive. Or a Target gift card.
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