Bringing a baby to the wedding

Infants are typically the exception to the no kids rule. They quite literally cannot be away from their mothers. It’s your wedding, you’re entitled to tell her no, but you should prepare for the parents to decline your invitation.

Did you invitations imply that only those two were invited and they decided to bring their baby? Did you state adults only in the invitation?

I would give an exception to nursing moms. I would rather them bring their new baby than miss my wedding.

View Quoted Comment The invitation was addressed to those two only and didn’t say anything about the baby...I didn’t put anywhere on the RSVP adults only..only because I assumed everyone would get the point that whoever the envelope is addressed to is invited not baby or kids.

View Quoted Comment That’s how I’m feeling since they are flying out of state too...I guess it just took me by surprise that they didn’t reach out and ask but I’m sure she is nursing and am happy that they are coming. I didn’t know if she should have asked or because she is nursing and we don’t have to pay for the baby that it’s ok.

A 3 month old baby would mostly sleep at any point during the day, unless it's colic or something. That's something to ease your concerns. Though if they try and assure you the baby will be quiet...they cannot guarantee anything like it so don't believe them if they do..
I would chat w them. I know infants are usually an exception to the no kid rule but my infant wasn't at one wedding and I was very happy it was the case even as a guest. I'd say something like I saw that you will be bringing the baby but I really hope you reconsider as if even not at the wedding it could cause problems for us as you told other people they can't bring their kids no matter the age. That wedding where my 9 month old was not allowed to, was attended by all my family and friends and was on a Friday. I had to arrange a sitter and I told the bride it might be tough and might mean we won't make it. She smiled and said she really hopes to see me there but it is what it is. I didn't find it mean or smug. They paid for their party and deserve that guests respect their wishes - no matter what those wishes are.

If they’re coming from out of state you can’t really expect them to leave their 3 month old behind. If you don’t want the baby there then prepare for them to be unable to attend too. You could just speak to them and make sure they understand that if the baby starts making any noise during the ceremony that one of them will need to take the baby out of the room immediately.

View Quoted Comment I’d definitely not say anything if she’s flying. I’ll have 5 mins at our wedding with new babies (6 months or less) and just assume they’ll be there. My friends are also pretty good though about stepping out of their kids make a fuss.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah some people do not take those hints well. I feel now a days you have to spell out everything ha ha. Some babies are quiet and something are not but you could respond letting them know you received the RSVP but the ceremony and reception or adults only except for those in the bridal party. Question is would you be upset if they could not attend? I can see why they thought the baby was okay but if it was addressed only to them they should have not assumed. However seeing they are traveling you may want to let that one go but maybe ask her not to spread that word because you are trying to keep it adults only but will make an exception for her maybe?

I agree with PP, you pretty much have to spell it out for people these days. I feel the same way you do about having children at a wedding – it creates too much of a liability and potential for disruption during your ceremony. For that reason, we very specifically spelled out to people that absolutely NO children are invited to our event. We prepared ourselves for numerous declines, but so far there has only been 1. I think you need to ask yourself how important this person‘s attendance is at your wedding vs how important it is for you to ensure an undisrupted ceremony. Another thing to think about is how your other guests will respond if this one person is allowed to bring her child, but they weren’t.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I was thinking as to why she didn’t even ask to bring the baby...that she assumed since she is an infant that is an exception but still I feel like reaching out to make sure that’s ok would have been nice.

Because you know her, she likely assumed you knew she had a baby, and knew babies of that age most often need to be close by mom to nurse, or feed very frequently. Not every infant that age accepts strangers, or grandparents they do not know. We had many people with babies, and had a baby nursery we staffed in a room down the hall at the Inn where we married. Parents went back and forth. 13 babies, 2 weeks up to 15 months, plus 2 older toddlers with special needs. No crying all night. Usually young infants are not a problem. The troublesome ones are closer to a year, through toddler years, when they can move about, are not socialized, and will yell and scream. Infants who are not sick are usually very quiet, if mom just picks them up. And babies that small are not loud. Make sure the venue places a good chair for holding a baby carrier beside mom at the reception.

I had a similar situation but they asked me and I was able to discuss with them directly that we have a pretty strict no kid policy. I explained that if we allowed their baby, then we would need to allow several other babies and it creates a ripple effect or can of worms. They understood and simply asked if there was a space for her to pump the day of and I had the wedding coordinator ensure nursing moms were accommodated with something nicer than a bathroom. There was no ill will day of and they had a great parents night off along with the other couple who had infants. But as others mentioned, be prepared that they may opt to not come but my situation worked out to be no babies present and no ill will or hurt feelings from the babies parents. I did have another cousin who’s babysitter fell through so they did not attend last minute. When there’s a no kid policy, these situations could potentially happen. Best of luck.

Oh I feel you. I definitely don't want any kids at our wedding.

On our wedding website I put "Invited guests only. Please no children." in an attempt to make it as clear as day. One of our friends is pregnant and due a week before our wedding and if she had her baby early and wanted to come that would be the only exception (because her baby would be only a few weeks old at most, and its because she's the person who convinced me to go on a first date with my FH, so I feel like I'd really like her to be there if she can be).

I think it's totally fine if you don't want any kids at your wedding, but at 3 months old chances are the parents aren't going to want to or have the option to leave their kid elsewhere. Many daycares don't even accept kids younger than 12 weeks because they haven't had enough of their early shots yet. If they are traveling, they have even more limited options. If you are set on "no kids" you can definitely let your cousin know, but do not be at all surprised if she and her partner decide not to attend because they need to be with their baby.

If I were in your situation, I'd probably call your cousin and explain your concern. Say you really don't want a crying baby at your wedding. You can ask if someone else can watch the baby for an hour. If she feels like she has to stay with the baby and you really want her to be there, then come up with a plan where she or her partner exit the ceremony space with their baby immediately if it starts crying (if the baby starts crying and the parent leaves right away, its a very minor disturbance). If you each discuss your concerns and both are sensitive to the others needs, I think it's something that can easily be managed.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much...I guess my mistake was not putting it on invite or website that it’s adults only..she is flying from NJ to CA to my wedding and it took me by surprise that she would even be able to attend! I’m happy that she can but a little upset that she didn’t reach out first..my first thought was that she assumed it was fine since I wouldn’t have to pay for an extra person but reaching out to her or her mom would be best..I even thought at this point since they already RSVP’d it is what it is now..to have the officiant announce something about if children act up to leave but of course to put it as nicely as possible.

View Quoted Comment Since they already RSVP’d and flying from NJ to CA I guess it is what it is now and I will have to hope and pray that she will be respectful if the baby starts to act up.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the ease...that’s what I’m hoping at that age the baby won’t act up but I know anything can happen! Since they already RSVP’d I will have to hope for the best..I don’t want to cause any issues.

Nursing babies and infants are typically an exception. I’m assuming you knew they had a young baby when inviting them, and although you didn’t have to list the baby on the invitation, you should’ve expected to have the young baby there. People who want absolutely no kids including nursing babies and infants tend to not invite guests who fall into that category.
You can always have a polite conversation with them if it’s truly bothersome.

On our invitations we put on there "kid free event". The youngest will be my FH cousins son who is 15 and autistic. We want adults to enjoy themselves and dont want crying babies. It wont kill an infant to be away from their mother for a few hours, I see plenty of people said "infants are the only exception "; do what you want its your day! If someone wants to be there that bad they can make arrangements for their child.