Bridesmaidzilla?

They can still get ready with you without having the exact hair and make up you want. We got hair and makeup done at the salon, and while all my bridesmaids got their hair done (in whatever style they chose), 2 decided to do their own makeup. The salon had no issues with them helping each other with their make up instead of having one of the make up artists doing it. Personally, I felt more comfortable allowing the girls to choose whether or not they wanted to pay for professional services and what kind of look they had. I've actually never been in a wedding where every girl wore the exact same hair style. It's always been her choice. As a side note, if a bride is requiring professional hair and make up services, it's typically expected that the bride pays for it for everyone.

First, can you disclose who's paying for hair and makeup? Are you covering it or having them cover it?

View Quoted Comment So the reason i wanted the same updo is because of the style of dress. i didn’t realize there was an option to have different hairstyles, my pinterest pins they all have the same 😅 a girl i know who does makeup professionally is going to do the makeup so i was definitely planning on paying for it to be done, this was kind of the topping on the cake (no pun intended) because it seems like everything i’ve brought up so far has been met with an argumentative tone from one of the girls so i’m just feeling the stress on top of the stress of planning a wedding bleh

View Quoted Comment I was going to pay for it!

I think it’s ok for her to wear her hair how she wants even if you’re getting ready together. I’m personally so uncomfortable with updos, my hair isn’t long enough anyway, and I wouldn’t want a bunch of pics of me looking like that.

View Quoted Comment Haha yeah, you can totally have them do different styles! I think that's become more the norm now. Plus, what do you do when 1 friend has a pixie cut, another has natural hair, etc.? The same style will likely not work with different hair lengths, textures, etc. My view is these are your nearest and dearest and you want them to feel beautiful, and that includes giving them a say in the way they do their hair and makeup. Also, I wouldn't set a dress right away either. You want to individually have a conversation with each girl about how much they are comfortable spending, and you do not want to exceed the lowest budget stated, unless you plan on paying for the dresses to. You can have all the girls in the same dresses (mine all ended up picking the same dress and same color even though I envisioned a mismatched look lol 😆). Sometimes brides will have the same fabric but varying shades of colors, and so on. Heck, my SIL is getting married and she told all of us bridesmaids she doesn't care what the dress looks like as long as it's knee length and sky blue. Fabric, store, etc. is all up to us. Pinterest is great for ideas, but you can also feel free to expand outside of what you see on Pinterest! Or search for things like mismatched bridesmaids.

Personally, I would never try to dictate how someone does their hair or makeup. While it is your wedding, they are still people not Barbie dolls for you to play dress up with. Everyone has their own preference for how they like their hair and makeup. My sister-in-law who was a bridesmaid in our wedding barely wears makeup so she did her own makeup for the wedding. She would have been so uncomfortable if I picked her makeup and wouldn't have looked like herself. Our groomswoman was in a wedding once where the bride told her what dress, hair, shoes, nails, and makeup she had to wear and she hated it. I think if you continue to try to force any of the girls to wear their hair or makeup a certain why then you are going to get a lot of push back. Also, just because you see something on Pinterest doesn't mean that's how it needs to be. I would also check with each girl individually about their budget for a dress because if you pick a dress that's more expensive they what they can afford then you should pay for it.

Maybe you should have the one sister do a trial of how you want the hair to look (and pay for it). You may also find out that look just isn't right for your BMs and the dress you picked out.

And if he other sister wants to do her own make-up so be it. There is no reason why you still can't have the day / experience you want if one sisters wants to do her own makeup.

But also remember are they paying for hair and makeup or are you? Maybe that's an expense they can't afford on top of buying dresses

One make up artist for doing nine girls plus bride (total ten in one go)? That’s a lot to put on one makeup artist. Will she have a second artist to help with the workload? With all the excitement of the morning of your wedding, I really don’t think you will even notice two girls doing their own makeup. You’ll be so busy and preoccupied getting ready yourself and all the wonderful stomach butterflies that come with the day of. Also yeah, like pp said, it’s normal to have different hair/makeup looks in bridesmaids. Magazines and Pinterest are great to get ideas from but they don’t create set rules to follow.

I chose to only have my sister as a matron of honor and no bridesmaids. I have my five girlfriends attending as guests that way and can enjoy the day, and not worry about buying a dress they don’t love, etc.


We all still went dress shopping and they all picked out their dresses with me and it was still a fun occasion.
As far as hair and make up goes, let them do their own thing. But ask to see pictures of what they’re thinking first. With such a large group of girls, I think you will want everyone to be in the best attitude as possible that day so you don’t have to stress about it

I let my bridesmaids pick their own hairstyles and makeup so that they each felt comfortable and beautiful. The HMUA came to our cabin and did all of our hair and makeup together, but we everyone chose their own style. Everyone looked amazing.

You can still get ready with them but they can still have their own make up and hair. when i was getting ready with my girls,some opted to doing their own make up and their own hair. and some opted to get it professionally done

I think it is asking for too much to expect them to wear their hair and makeup the way you would like.

I think both those requests are reasonable and don't warrant you thinking of them as "bridesmaidzilas".

"i don’t want to sound harsh but it’s my day and i’d like to do it how i’m imaging in my mind..." This really only applies to how you dress and style yourself. As soon as you try to control other people with unreasonable demands, you are actually putting MORE stress on yourself. Consider it a gift to yourself to let these little things go. Worry about the stuff that matters and everything will go so much more smoothly!

I think the dresses will give the biggest look with the bridesmaids. Differences in hair and makeup will make them more comfortable, but really not change how everything looks in the pictures. I know it's your day and you want it perfect, but details like this might not be worth the fight in the long run.

It is your day to choose the clothing for your bridesmaids or groomsmen, for the ceremony and reception. But it is considered rude for a bride or groom to dictate personal things like hair color, cut or style ( including facial hair) and make up. You may state a preference for hair up or down. But every BM is free to choose her own hair and makeup, to decide whether to do it herself, have a friend do it, or hire someone. Same goes for tattoos and personal jewelry, and heels/ no heels. As long as they stick to the right formality ( no safety pins in ears or bicycle chains in hair with a formal gown ) it is their choice. Reality TV has created an impression that brides can treat others however they want, if you follow their example of telling other people what to do when you shouldn't, you will offend people and make them angry. It is not ever nice to tell someone, you have to do your face and hair the way I want. ( You also may suggest getting ready together if you want, but it is never required.) Getting ready in groups is a recent fad. As long as BM and GM are dressed and groomed and there by 1/2 hour before pre-ceremony formal pictures, or the ceremony, they are fine. Your sisters will likely protest to friends, and be told, the bride is wrong, she cannot dictate hair and makeup. So perhaps if you let them know that you only expressed a preference, but each may choose for herself you will save yourself a lot of embarrassment, as well as being on better terms with your family Bridesmaids.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree

View Quoted Comment Sounds like they may not need to be in your wedding party. I want my bridal party to wear the say hairstyles too. Lol they just don't know yet. But if they don't like it, ill just have the ladies who wants me to be happy on my day. Not stressing...

Honestly, I'd let this go and let people do what they feel comfortable with. Some people can't afford to get their hair and makeup professionally done, and even if they can, it's more important to me that people feel comfortable than achieving a certain aesthetic.

If you're not flexible, you might want to consider others who will be happy to do what you want. If they are not comfortable, it may show in your wedding photos.