Bridesmaidzilla - Help with crazy bridesmaid i can't kick out of the party

it's YOUR DAY your mother/father should express the Importance of this moment. Good luck ..

Honestly I would stick to your guns about the dress color, but not about her hair. That would make her feel like someone she isn’t.
If she would stick with the color with a different style, is that ok? If she can’t put a dress on that you’ve chosen for a day, maybe she doesn’t need to be in the wedding.

Try asking mom and her if they really want you having things you don’t want on your wedding just to please them. That’s really unfair. You may just have to do your thing. Maybe she could do a reading instead of being in the bridal party. It doesn’t sound like she wants to be in the wedding.

i hope it all sorts out for you.

I would be hesitant to ask her to change her hair, wear fake eyelashes, or anything that alters her appearance in any way. I don’t think that’s appropriate to ask of anyone.


As for the dress, that’s your color and that’s a nonnegotiable. No one should think they get a day in what is YOUR wedding color (except your fiancé) Did you pick the same dress for everyone or is there any flexibility in the dress style? Just trying to think if you gave her the option if she’d be more willing to compromise (or feel better thinking she gets some say even though it’s your choice).

I understand where you are coming from with the hair, but I'm not sure theres much you can do. However, burgandy looks good on most people so I'm not sure about the dress. I don't know why people can't just deal with things for 8 hours. Sorry you're going through this.

Why on earth did you ask her to be a bridesmaid? Anyway, you can put your foot down over the dress, but you can’t ask her to dye her hair or wear a wig, unless you’re paying for her shoes you can’t really dictate them beyond “nude heels” or “silver flats”, you can’t insist she wear fake eyelashes, and unless you’re buying the jewellery, I don’t think you can say more than “please wear gold earrings and necklace”. If she refuses to wear the dress, then you can inform her that this is the dress you’ve chosen for your bridesmaids and if she doesn’t wish to wear it, she’s more than welcome to attend as a guest, but that’s about it.

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Thanks for your response!

With her hair, she changes it often and likes to dye it various colours! I thought maybe I could get her to dye it a colour that we were both suitable on (for eg, last year she's dyed her hair blonde and that would look good with the dress) but at the moment it's black on top and yellow at the bottom. I am not sure what hair style would be good with that. Plus her hair is really short so it would be really hard :'(

And the whole thing with the dress... that's really what makes me sad. She's my own sister and I am paying for the dress as well... It's just for a day and she can sell the dress for all I care afterwards!

Unfortunately my mum is adamant that my sister be in the bridal party. It's hard because they're chipping into the wedding as well, so they feel like they have a say even if its something I really don't like

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Hi Cara,
Thanks for your response!

And that's completely fair enough with my asking her to dye her hair. I've asked her to wear a wig which I will purchase just for her to wear for the day... and she was being quite difficult on that as well.

The dress is negotiable- but the colour is not. And she is shooting down everything I am suggesting. Hard ask to compromise when the other party isn't keen to compromise. It's got to the point where I've had fights with my fiance because he's frustrated that i am not standing up for myself... It's hard because if I do stand up for myself in this-- there will be a massive fight which will include my mum and my sister... I really didn't need the added stress :'(

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Tell me about it!!

Thank you for your words of support :')

Hoping that all of this is over! hahah she's making wedding planning not fun at all

View Quoted Comment I would just tell her her she either needs to choose a dress in that color or she can choose to step down as a bridesmaid. I unfortunately had a very similar situation and it did turn into a fight. However, it worked out in the end and the bridesmaid chose a dress in the correct color/fabric!

I still wouldn’t ask her to wear a wig though, that’s still altering her appearance that she feels comfortable with even if it isn’t permanent. I’d be offended if someone asked me to wear a wig because they didn’t like my hair color.

Ugh it’s so tough with siblings. Especially ones with bumblebee hair. With that said, it’s your wedding and she needs to comply with whatever dress you are asking your maids to wear. That’s a non-negotionable when you are a part of a wedding. Her hair and lashes, i would let go. Sounds like the more you push back the more she will resist. Good luck girl!

Please don’t ever think it’s ok to tell anybody to wear a wig, dye their hair, wear false eyelashes, or do anything else that is altering their appearance or their body, for the purpose of your wedding. Your bridesmaids are not photo props, so you don’t get to arrange them the way you want.
Asking them to wear certain dress color - sure! If she doesn’t want to wear that color, you can ask her to step down from her role. But even forcing a certain dress style, heel height etc. on someone for the purpose of fulfilling your vision for wedding photos, is just not ok, in my opinion.

But honestly for me, much bigger issue, than all the wedding details, with your sister is the fact that she still bullies you. That is just not acceptable & I would have a serious talk with both her & your mom. You should not be subjected to this type of destructive behavior. I also don’t see a point of having her in your bridal party, she doesn’t seem to want to be a part of it & it’s too much stress for you. No matter who is helping financially with the wedding, choosing BP should be your choice & you should choose only people you want there & are comfortable with.

View Quoted Comment All of this.

Have her wear her hair up. It will make the color difference less noticeable.

It sounds like she wants to stand out at your wedding with the multicolored hair, and a different dress color and accessories than the rest of the party. I'd tell her that I want her to be comfortable at the wedding so you are ok with her backing out of the wedding party. (Even though she hasn't asked to be removed, you can suggest that it's really her idea.) That leaves her the choice to stay in and wear your dress choice or step out of the wedding without the humiliation of being kicked out.

The dress I feel like she is being ridiculous about, I would say this is the color and dress (if they are matching) and you can wear it and stand with me or if you don’t, you sit with the rest of the family. but I do feel like it is a bit much to ask her to change herself for your day with regards to hair color. As for earrings, if the ones you picked do not fit her, then honestly what can you do? I’m guessing she has gauges or stretches or something like that bc earrings don’t really have sizes.

First of all, I am sorry you are having to deal with all of that. Second of all, why is she a bridesmaid? I'm assuming you asked her out of family obligation...which I get, but definitely sucks. Anyways, the color of the dress is actually a very popular wedding color right now, so I don't think it's ugly at all. It's unfortunate she doesn't like it, but part of being a bridesmaid is wearing whatever color the bride wants. As far as her hair, eyelashes, etc....I do think you are over stepping. I would be greatly offended if someone asked me to dye my hair or wear a wig for their wedding. Also, I would never require anyone to wear eyelashes if they don't want to. It does come off bridezilla-ish when you start to dictate their looks other than their attire. I think at this point though, it might be best to just be politely blunt with her and say "this is the color I have chosen, I am really sorry you don't like it, but it is the color I want for my wedding...either wear it or you can come to the wedding as a guest." Good Luck!

I am just going to say (no advice really) I don't think it makes you a bridezilla to not want someone to have long black roots and yellow/orange ends (I am assuming brassy turning from blonde) standing in your pics/forefront of your wedding. I am also surprised she wouldn't take you up on paying for it to be fixed. I am all for unnatural colors (give me all the pinks, the blonde on one side, black on the other, etc etc) but it sounds like she just let her hair go.. Personally I wouldn't have asked her - but that's just me. If you can't get her out of your party, I would at least stand my ground on the color and try and find some sort of updo or way to style it that makes her hair look the best it can. If she is wanting to grow out her natural color (I am presuming black) maybe she would be into getting the blonde/yellow toned so as to alleviate some of the brassiness?

I don't think it's fair to ask her to change her hair. You knew what color her hair was when you asked her. As for the dress, if she doesn't like it she doesn't need to be a bridesmaid.

I would tell her if she doesn’t want to wear the dress then she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid. I would make it that simple. Also maybe encourage her to wear her hair up so you see less of the yellow? Honestly I would ask her to do the same but at the end of the day we can’t force people to do things so I would just encourage her to wear it in maybe a bun that hides the ends best as possible. And for the dress I say stick to your guns. If she doesn’t want to wear it tell her she doesn’t have to but she’s no longer a bridesmaid