Bridesmaids/moh pay for bridal shower if mob can't?

Anyone can host a shower. It can be a MOB, a MOH, the MOH and bridesmaids, or just another friend or family member. You can express to your sister that you’d like a shower, but you can’t force people to participate in paying for it, so if one of your bridesmaids declines helping host that’s okay. I’d also keep in mind that if budget is a concern, a small mid-afternoon shower might be best so they can skip having to offer a meal.

Sure! Whoever your think would be excited about planning a shower for you should lead it, whether it's a MOH, bridesmaid, friend, anyone. It doesn't have to cost alot. If you think they would need help paying for it, there's nothing wrong with chipping in yourself. No one has to know.

Your sister can definitely ask them if they want to help, but I wouldn't be upset if any of your bridesmaids can't or don't want to. You helping to pay is going to look better overall than if you were to be upset that your bridal party doesn't plan one at all (not saying you would be, just giving an example). I think the biggest thing is that if you're paying, just don't be the hostess. Have your MOH take care of things and you can fund them if it comes down to that.

Any family friend, regular friend, future inlaws, and/or bridal party members can host a shower. You can mention you would like one, but you cannot require anyone to host and pay for a party for you. They have to have the want, time, and means to do so and them not being able to does not define friendship or worthiness of being a bridesmaid.

While we wish all brides can have the "experience," bridal showers are optional pre-wedding parties that are not a pre-requisite to get married. A lot of brides do not get showers and that's ok. They also do not have to be an all day grand event at a specific venue with top notch catering. A lot of showers are hosted as someone's home or a small rec center with light refreshments and simple décor. So if only your sister is the host, there are plenty of less expensive options for hosting a shower

No one should be obligated to pitch in, and anyone can host a shower (doesn’t have to me a mom, Moh, or bridesmaid).


Also, a bridal shower doesn’t have to be a big budget affair. Mine was lovely , and hosted in someone’s home, so the only things that cost money were good and drinks. A couple people volunteered to contribute— an aunt brought desserts, a grandma brought a cheese plate for apps . They weren’t asked but offered to the host “I’d like to bring something, what can do you need?” Some people may do that , some may not— and that’s okay. It’s not any one person or group’s responsibility. My bridesmaids didn’t help financially but their offer to help was to plan games— so “help” can also come in different shapes and sizes.

For your situation, if you were willing to pay for it, maybe give your MOH a budget and ask her to plan it. Or even give your mom the budget and still let her plan it? Whoever plans it can still be the "host" even if you are contributing funding. I would not ask your wedding party to pitch in. If they want to they will offer to do that on their own

You can host your own shower. If you can't then let it go if they aren't willing to as they may not be able to afford it and are already dishing on money to be in your wedding (dress, shoes, nails,etc.)

View Quoted Comment According to etiquette this is seen as gift grabbing and rude. Modern generations may not see it that way, people will and do talk when etiquette is breached. If friends and family are unable to host one, then your coworkers, fellow church members and club members will host one. As they are optional, situations arise where some brides don’t get a shower and you have to accept it.

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No one will know that she paid for it unless she discloses that information. If she really wants a shower then she can have one. no matter if she pays or not

View Quoted Comment I agree, it sounds like her mom would host if she could, but she can’t at this time. I see no problem in saying the mom is hosting it and letting bride pay for things. No one would know she paid for anything. It’s not like people are like “Oh mother of the bride, where did you come up with money to host a party?!”

View Quoted Comment Exactly. Just don’t announce that you paid for it and no one will know. It’s just assumed that whoever extends invites and handles RSVPs is the host/hostess. It’s not like people go around asking who funded the event LOL And if they did, THAT would be poor etiquette; so they’d have no leg to stand on when it came to judging others.

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That's actually not appropriate, according to etiquette.

If your MOH wants to host a shower, she could contact with bridesmaids and see if anyone would like to contribute, within their budget. It doesn't have to be expensive. Tea/coffee and light appetizers in someone's home is perfectly fine.

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Yes! So many people are saying it's bad etiquette to pay for your own shower, but how would you know you've been invited to a shower that the bride paid for if someone else hosts and no one told you where the money came from? I feel like the actual etiquette isn't that the bride can't contribute funds, it's that the bride should not be hosting.

Definitely have someone help you plan, and send invites from them, but then you can still contribute as much as you comfortably can (even if majority of financial support is you!). Life is complicated and financial situations differ a lot and I think the best thing you can do to help enjoy your day is to have everyone contribute as best they can without feeling overwhelmed or burdened. It takes a village!