Bridesmaid/sister In Law Drama

I think what this exercise has taught you is you have to choose your bridesmaids carefully and most importantly, choose people you want to have involved. I understand you made your FSIL a bridesmaid feeling obliged to, and the feeling seems to be mutual for her in that she hasn't been involved in the wedding or planning.

I think you should have invited her to the bridal shower. Even though it’s a very long drive for her, as a courtesy you should’ve invited her even if you were 100% sure she was not going to come. It is not very nice when people make decisions on your behalf that you won’t attend something and don’t give you the opportunity to decide for yourself.

I think you need to sit down with her and apologise AND tell her how you feel about her involvement in the wedding. She might even ask for out?

I think you feelings are valid, but from reading your post I gathered you only invited her to be a BM because she's your FSIL. Maybe she felt that way and maybe she only accepted for the same reason or felt that you really wouldn't have chosen her otherwise.

As the previous post mentions, I would definitely sit her down and have a chat with her and tell her how you feel and ask her if she wants out and if she does, no hard feelings.

I think the only thing you can do is talk to her, express your feelings and yes what she did was not right. Maybe she's just that type of person who doesn't get a frilly / girly over weddings and such. Not making excuses for her, just giving another perspective. Remember, the bridal party will only provide support if you ask for it, otherwise, not really their part to do so. And then there is the whole "Covid" thing... So many things going on and people have so many personal issues and while they may not talk about it or share it, we're all going through something related to it. (Again, no excuses, just another perspective).

You sound like a friendly and caring person, don't assume everyone is like you and will do what you would do (in regards to your comment, "if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have done the same"). When you think that way you set expectations on people and more than likely those expectations always fall short and we get hurt in the end (hence what you're feeling now). That's why I stress again, go out and talk to her, maybe there is something else going on with her or maybe she's just not that person you thought she was.

Good luck, thinking of you and hope it all works out.

I'm sorry you're stuck with the burden, that sucks. I think all you can do for your own health is just sit back a minute, take a deep breath and try not to let the stress take over. Remember at the end of the day it's really about the two of you, I'd probably coerce (force) my FH to start helping and tell him your backing off. Watch how fast they change their tune and help.

Good luck to you, I promise it will all work out and we're all here to offer an ear for venting.

I absolutely understand your frustration, but I also see where she's coming from. It may have seemed like a kindness not to invite her to the bridal shower, but she may not see it that way. (It's the same idea as not asking someone to be a bridesmaid or attend the wedding because you think they can't afford it or take the time off of work. Most people would like to make those decisions for themselves.) I could understand her being hurt and being further hurt by the request for money for a party she wasn't invited to (regardless of who that request came from). It doesn't seem crazy to me that, given the circumstances, she would decide against coming to the bachelorette party. Just from being on WeddingWire it seems like it's really common that there's at least one bridesmaid who's nonresponsive. I had that happen with one of my bridesmaids for a bit (I was just coordinating the dresses, not asking for anything else), but she had a lot going on in her own life and felt too overwhelmed to respond to me, even when I was just checking in to make sure she was doing okay. It's frustrating, but I absolutely understand that not everyone has the time or energy to respond. I talked to her and let her know that it was absolutely okay if she didn't think she'd be able to continue as a bridesmaid, but that I needed to know. She was apologetic for not responding and explained what's been going on with her and now she has her dress. I think a heart to heart would be appropriate. I'd apologize on behalf of your mother and explain why you didn't invite her to the bridal shower and see what's going on in her life. I think it's also okay to tell her that you're hurt she hasn't responded to your emails and that you wish she would be able to make the bachelorette party, but you understand if she can't. If she wants out of the bridal party, I'd assure her that it is 100% okay (but that you'd love her to continue to be a part of the bridal party), but if not you'd really appreciate it if she'd respond to your emails.

It sounds like maybe you'd have more fun at your bachelorette party without her. Maybe if you focus on that, it won't seem so annoying. Good luck; I hope it works out@

Wow, that does sound like a burden to be planning a wedding you didn't even want. I can see why you are stressed, but I think you are taking out your stress on the wrong people. Your future spouse is the issue here (wanting the giant wedding but not participating in the planning). Time to have some serious conversations with them about stepping up. It's not too late for them to contribute! Communication and teamwork are essential marriage skills that need to be worked on ASAP.

I understand that you're upset, but if I were asked to contribute $250 to a shower I wasn't invited to, I would be incredibly hurt and upset. Even though this can be blamed on your mom and not you, I think you should apologize profusely. As for the bachelorette, I'd just go on without her and not sweat it. People have jobs and other commitments, and not everyone can attend every bachelorette party they're invited to. I know that I've had to miss plenty of bachelorettes for brides I was very close to (and was in their wedding), because these things can be a time commitment and require travel, as well as add up cost wise.