Bridesmaids/choosing bridesmaids

First of all, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Although you might not be horribly upset, it can still be pretty hurtful to have had a friend so long and have them choose others over you. As a bride I choose 2 friends I’ve had for many years, my 2 sisters and one “newer” friend who is also my co-worker. Fortunately I didn’t feel limited when it came to choosing, and in fact I don’t care if I end up having more than my fiancé does. It seems like this friend is trying to include you by inviting you for an excursion. My advice is don’t let this stay bottled up because it could turn to resentment and it would be sad to lose a friendship over it. If she does not choose you to be a bridesmaid, I suggest you tell her you understand her choices but are a little disappointed.

I could never choose between my friends! So I decided to not have any bridesmaids. My FH felt he couldn't rely on his friends to be groomsmen. They all are unhappily married with children and have inconsistent fears of COVID.


I was hurt a few years ago when a close friend didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. She asked two other women who didnt bother to show up at her bridal party. They also didn't come to her baby shower out of state but I was ALWAYS showing up for her important events.

I picked those closest to be my bridesmaids/man. It is a totally personal decision. I understand being hurt that you might not be included though. My husband was hurt when his best friend who was the best man in our wedding didn't pick him to be best man in his wedding. Unfortunately, these things happen and you have to make the best of it.

I'm sorry you are in this position and are feeling this way.


I kept my party small. My bridesmaids are my 2 sisters who I am very close with. Other than that, my MOH is my best friend who I've known for 15 years. She's a drop everything to be there friend and when I was in the hospital, she was the only one besides family who came every single day. It was really easy for me. But there are a lot of different deciding factors for everyone. It can be as simple as trying to stick to a certain number or even someone who is closer distance wise in case they need help with anything. Or, like you said, maybe she just hasn't asked yet. I asked all of my girls out of order, one the day I got engaged and the other 2 weeks later. And even if she doesn't, I wouldn't worry about it too much or assume it has anything to do with your friendship, because it really might not! Regardless of the reason, it doesn't mean she doesn't value your friendship. Being in a bridal party is an honor, yes, but people tend to look too much into them. She is still your friend and it does sound like she still wants to include you in some way.

For my MOH it was easy I chose my bestfriend and sister. For my bridesmaids I chose my niece, my closest cousin and my husbands 2 sisters. It was pretty easy for me to decide

Sometimes it becomes simply a numbers game. I have 4 sisters, and at wedding time 35 of my female first cousins who lived in the neighborhood or 1-2 towns away, within 5 years of my age. And 2 best friends growing up. And 2 I knew and stayed close to in college. And 3 very close from the army. Once I make such a close friend, I keep in touch. I wrote regular letters and visited and went out periodically with all these people, still, time permitting. How to pick only 3 or absolute max 4?
In the end I could only choose 1 from childhood on. And one from college and grad school. And one from the army years. And my godmother . And hope that the others understood, that I loved and wanted my friendships to continue. But at some point, if you collect people you care about, and tend to stay close as you go through life, picking some 3 is not an insult to the others. Those who were able to and not far away came to be with us, as guests. A few friends in each of 3 locations ( not WP) offered to throw small showers for people in their areas, not my BM or MOH. I hoped for understanding. Just as I am understanding when someone with 5-6 sisters or cousins they are close to and 8 friends from different time periods chooses one sister and one friend. And it isn't me. Do not take it as a slight, when none was intended. You cannot cut a person in quarters to have
12 people represented in 3 bodies. "Fair" shares doesn't work. But one reason my friendships have been so enduring is that we are all flexible. 2 years after marrying, we moved back to my hometown area. We still burn up the phone wires, and all exchange letters if we do not see each other regularly, after 14 years marriage. And we have some new friends. What to do? Go as a guest and be happy you have good friends. Make sure you make overtures to continue your friendship, through letters ( snail or email) and not just quickie texts or Facebook.

This part was the part I did not have fun planning for the wedding. Immediately after all the excitement of my DH proposing anxiety filled in. I ended up having 7 bridesmaids (3 friends rest family) while my DH had only 5. I was already over the number and my husband didn’t want anymore. I hurt a few close friends of mine and it really stunk. I had to pick the three that were the closest to me and had more interactions with at the time. In addition those three friends my DH was also close to compared to my other friends.

I chose mine based on who was closest to me. I knew that they might not be amazing at their roles haha and it’s true one of them is naturally unorganized but still the end of the day they’re my best friends and I could not imagine anyone else.
My maid of honor got married recently and she told me she chose hers based on who she could rely on cause after seeing my wedding, she felt like that one bridesmaid I mentioned was so bad it literally made me contemplate hard about her own wedding

I couldn’t decide. I didn’t want a large bridal party, and neither did my fiancé. My list of close friends, sisters, and cousins kept growing. We ultimately decided on just a MOH and BM. We want the intimacy of keeping it small at the alter also.