Bridesmaids

As with alot of things wedding, I firmly believe that you should do what feels right for you. Especially when it comes to who to involve. I think that you're not doing anything wrong AT ALL, and you should choose the people that you really really want to be there for you.

I recommend just putting the women in your bridal party that YOU want, and not worry about what others think or say. I know that there are a couple of people I may offend because they aren’t in my BP but if I tried to please everyone then I wouldn’t be able to afford a wedding!

I agree with PPs. I don't have sisters. I have two brothers. FH has a sister. None of them are in our BP. FSIL asked us both to be in her BP, though. Everyone has different needs/wants and a different vision for their day!

There is no etiquette when it comes to choosing your bridal party. They should be your nearest and dearest friends, having them same DNA doesn't give them an automatic spot in your bridal party. Don't change your mind to spare someone else's feelings.

I have 3 stepsisters and a SIL (FH is an only child), but none of them are in my bridal party. I'm also not super close with any of them. I'm close-ish with my SIL, but she isn't someone I want up there with me (and I'm not meaning that in a rude way). So choosing the bridal party is completely up to you and who you want to stand next to you. I will never let anyone's judgement or opinion change my mind about who I want. I would wait a bit and think about it before actually asking anyone, I waited 3 months to ask because I really had to think about who I wanted in my party as well as who I wanted to choose as MOH. They are all friends, none are family. I also have two brothers and I didn't force FH into having in his party. I think we are very happy with our choices and freedom.

Also, before I chose said friends, anyone who asked who was in my bridal party, all I said was "I am still deciding. I haven't picked anyone yet."

So my FH wasn’t originally going to ask his brothers to be in the wedding party and his mom got very upset. He decided to ask them. It’s honestly turned out great, he’s the youngest and the first to get married and his brothers have really stepped up.

ultimately the decision is up to you and no one else. You know your relationship with your sisters, if you want them by your side ask them. If you really can’t imagine them standing up with you, don’t ask them.

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I really like that last part, thank you!

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Yea that is very true! if everyone did that their wedding cost through the roof

My sister and I aren't that close, but I did ask her to be in my wedding as a bridesmaid. She said yes, and later ended up declining due to some life circumstances. I wish she has been able to be in my wedding party because we don't have very many pictures of us together, which makes me sad.

Do who you want, and don't worry about the rest, with one exception: talk to the older sister who asked you to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. IMO, it doesn't matter for the one who you were a bridesmaid for in the past, but I would check in with your older sister and let her know what you are thinking for your bridal party. Just an open, honest conversation: "hey, I'm really close to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6, and I feel my bridal party should be the women I am closest with. I would love to get together for lunch shortly before the wedding with all of my sister and sister in laws though, its really important to me to be surrounded by family as well!" Just be prepared for her reaction. She could say thats totally fine, she didn't expect to be in yours anyhow, but she could be upset, you never know if there is a close friend she didn't put in her party so that she could put you in hers. If so, in her mind, you're both going through the same exact scenario, and she chose you, yet you are coming to her telling her you chose someone else. Which is definitely fine, and you are not doing anything wrong, just take extra precaution with this one, and don't be upset if she is upset, come to her with the same level of understanding you are asking of her. You said you want 6 but only have 3 chosen so far, if it is that you have a lot of close friends and can't choose, that's one thing, but if you have 3 close friends and are now looking for 3 other people left and right, I would consider putting in the sister who is putting you in her wedding.

There are 3 of us in my circle of friends getting married next year. When I asked one of them to be my bridesmaid, I was very upfront that I do not expect to be in her party and she shouldn't feel obligated to ask me, I know she has a lot of sisters and cousins close in age to her and many close friends. I wouldn't want her to be in the situation you're in, it's a tough spot to be. All the best!

I was taught that etiquette is that all siblings are always included in the bridal party, so my brother was a groomsmen, my husband's brother was the best man, and his sisters and half-sisters were all bridesmaids. I actually wasn't going to include his half sisters because they are young but I found out they cried when they found out their older sister was asked so I felt pretty terrible and asked them to be junior bridesmaids. Our bridal party was pretty large because of it, but I feel like it was the right thing to do and I'm glad we got closer with each other's siblings through this.

It's your wedding and you can absolutely do what you want. I'll just say from personal experience it makes you sad when you hear that you've hurt a family member's feelings over this. Plus family will keep asking you if the siblings have been asked.

Honestly, I feel like the consideration for sisters should be put before friends. Ever since my younger sister and I were little, my mother would always remind us that "your sister is your best friend." I understand that sometimes sisters aren't that close, but if you have a good relationship with your sisters, then you should ask them before you ask your friends. Your sister who is getting married before you can be your Matron of Honor. That way, you can still have your two Maids of Honor and your Bridesmaids. Your other sister can be your fourth bridesmaid.

There is nothing in etiquette about who you choose for your bridal party. Some people choose family, some friends. Don't get pushed by someone saying you must do this or that where there is no such rule except in their minds. No one, including parents who pay $100 for the wedding, has ANY input into a few things: Your or groom's wedding party, whether or not to have a religious or civil ceremony, and any content of that ceremony. So tell her, "that is your opinion, but I would rather have friends only in my wedding party, and that is my choice to make.". . . Tradition, what your mom or other family did before, does not mean you have to do it. . . Etiquette rules only address how to do things in a polite way. Etiquette says, parents of grown children may express an opinion, but cannot tell them what to do. And, with regard to wedding planning, things like parent's clothing, or showers planned by hostesses, says that brides do not tell other adults what to do. That is all etiquette says, a reciprocal understanding: you are an adult, and she does not boss you around, just as you would never dream of doing it to any adult. 😊 Mom needs to mind her manners here.

You definitely don't need to. The people who are telling you it is etiquette to include your sisters or that you need to prioritize them above your friends are wrong. I have 2 sisters and didn't ask either of them to be in my BP. I'm not close to either and one has bullied me most of my life. I would have been miserable if she was in my BP. It should be your nearest and dearest who you want standing by your side. I think the majority of the time when I hear about BM drama it's because there is a member of the BP who the bride asked out of obligation and not because she wanted the person. Stay strong and pick who you want. I can say my sisters didn't care that I didn't ask them. People would ask me if I was having them in it, and I would just say no. The friends I chose were the ones who have supported me in my life, not my sisters. No one can tell you who to include.

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Thank you! you have a really good point!!

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You have a very good point and i appreciate your input the only thing i would worry about is im the youngest from a large family with alot of sisters so if i ask one id have to ask them all.....

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You make a very good point, ill give it some thought!

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Thanks for the input! the sister lunch before the wedding is a very good idea! i didnt even think of that!

View Quoted Comment If you have a lot of sisters, then you should talk to each one and ask them what they would like to do. Some may be okay with another role.

View Quoted Comment Individual people will say in their family or circle of friends, sisters, sisters-in-law, and cousins are always chosen. But lol in any standard etiquette book, and they will say, very close family or friends, bride's choice. . . The bigger your family is, the more crazy it is to choose primarily or only family. . . My mom has 4 sisters.My Dad had 3 sisters, Mom's SIL. And 4 brothers who were married before her, 4 more SIL. . . She and her sisters, my aunts, followed their Mom's advice: You never want to have all your sisters, many, and you the bride. What happens to family when their are opposing opinions? 3 sisters hate your ideas, 1 sides with you, and it messes up the family, stresses the bride, and brings out all your differences. And when you have 2-3 sisters, and 2-3 sisters in law who come from a family with different expectations, it may give you MIL issues if you agree with sisters not SIL, and MOB problems if you side with SIL. Why set yourself up for fights. Also, if any one of your sisters tends to dominate others, and now has to listen to you, WOW. . . Not an etiquette book, which says, your choice, but MY family advice, Grandmothers to mothers to me and my sisters, and how we will advise our daughters: It is fine to choose one family representative, your godmother, favorite auntie, sister, or cousin. Or one SIL, like when you first were friends with groom's sister, who introduced you. But it is wise not to have all sisters and SIL in a big family. . . I got so blasted sick of people saying, none if your sisters in WP? That is awful! It SHOULD be all your sisters and SIL, and first cousins your age or close, if you are close. . . Right. So, my 4 sisters, and my 5 long married brother's wives, and my then FI's 6 sisters, and the 35 female first cousins who lived within a half hour by bicycle, and were within 5 years of my age, thus in same school district, sports teams. Um hmm, the 50 of us, them, so no one would have been offended, or their mothers upset. . . When you have 1 or 2 sisters, or SIL, or cousins, and there are never any issues or rivalries, it may be fine to have all you have as bridesmaids, if you want family not friends. But family is not a requirement, you can have all friends. Your family will all come to your wedding as family. And in many families, your MOB and MIL are more likely to be happy if their daughters are not having issues with each other as bridesmaids. So as bride, do what is your choice, friends, or family, ir one of each. Do not be pushed. It is NOT standard etiquette to have to choose all family first. And I don't know about your sisters, but I would pity the poor single friend who was having to deal with my 4 outspoken sisters who are sure they all know me best, and try bossing any outsider around. My 4 sisters sang at my wedding. I was a 14 yo BM in the wedding of one, 9 years older than me, no others. I made bridal dresses for 2, did all bridesmaid dresses and bride's gown for one, Jr BM in one, and sang solos at all. Never missed being a bridesmaid. I have done it too many times for others, and seen how bad it can be when WP is all family with 3-5 sisters, SIL, cousins...and maybe a friend or 2. Drama city. . . This is by etiquette, solely bride's choice. Do what is best for the harmony of your family before and after the wedding. Which may be, going with friends.