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Kelly
Devoted March 2021

Bridesmaids trouble!!

Kelly, on July 7, 2020 at 6:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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Okay, so I worked with a girl that has always been my work acquaintance however we became closer after I got engaged. I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She got a boyfriend and became a manager and we still talked at work but we never hung outside of work, quit talking on the phone etc.. She quit working with me about 3 months ago. We have barely talked I tried texting her just to chat with her but she's always busy.. And we literally haven't spoken in about 2 months.. She hasn't contacted me to ask me any questions about the wedding.. My mother and maid of honor don't think it's a good idea to keep her in the wedding because she's going to be in all the pictures and we're really not close friends at all anymore.. I just don't know how to uninvite her from being in the wedding.. she's more than welcome to be a guest, I just don't know if I can even ask her to not be in the wedding, It sounds totally rude but, I really don't even think she wants to be in the wedding anymore.. I don't know what to do and I need advice!! Please help!!

15 Comments

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
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    From now til when your wedding is there's still a lot of time to reconnect and grow close again if that's an option you want to explore. but it sounds like she's also been bad at keeping up with you.

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  • M
    Devoted December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    As Melle put it, friendship is a two way street, and we don’t know your friend’s side of the story. For all we know, she could be dealing with some personal issues at the moment with have caused her to focus on herself and distance herself from others as a result but I wouldn’t know for sure.

    There was a reason you chose her to be your bridesmaid and I don’t think it’s fair that you’re going to call it quits because you’ve fallen out of touch, at least not just yet. Give it a few more goes to reconnect. I would personally try a little harder to re-establish the great friendship you had, and if that fails, then look to politely reaching out and asking her if she’d still like to be part of the bridal party given she hasn’t been actively involved (give her that option and put her on notice rather than just kicking her out).

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    It sounds like you really don’t want her to be in your wedding as a bridesmaid. I’m sure you understand that uninviting her is a friendship ending move. Just sent her a text telling her that you’re cutting down on your bridal party because of Covid and your guest list is going to be smaller because of Covid. Don’t send her an invitation. She’ll get the hint and I’m sure she won’t mind. That might sound harsh but this is your wedding day and you’re going to have those pictures for the rest of your life. I think she will be relieved once you sent her the text message to be honest. Usually in situations like this the other person feels the same disconnect in friendship. People generally have a good ability to sense the status of a friendship and I guarantee you she’s feeling the same way.
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  • Caitlin
    Expert January 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    It's totally okay for you to feel like that. Honestly, as long as she hasn't purchased a dress, I wouldn't bring it up unless she does. If she does, I'd just say "you seemed much less engaged than normal so I chose to replace you". It's your wedding and you truly don't owe anybody an explanation. If she hasn't reached out, she doesn't want to be a part of it. If she doesn't know where dresses are being bought and what not, she has no business being a part of anything to do with the wedding.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    Okay great!! Thank you so much for your response I really appreciate your advice!!
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    She has, I've reached out plenty of times with little to no response.. She also just got engaged like two weeks ago so I think she's going to be really involved in getting her own stuff together.. And really not having time for me.. thank you so very much for your response!! I really appreciate the advice!!
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    Yes, I totally understand where you're coming from.. However, we never really had this great, amazing friendship to begin with.. I mean we were very close work friends, and she was going to a really hard time.. And I invited her to be a bridesmaid out of niceness, Then we went back to being just work friends after she became manager... Then she was let go, and I've tried really hard to maintain touch with her and it just hasn't worked out.. She just became engaged 3 weeks ago so I'm assuming she has a whole another scoop on her plate.. That's why I was asking for advice about what to do.. But I really do appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your input on the situation!! Thank you so much for your advice!!
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    No problem! Glad I could help♥️
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  • Michelle
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    I also had a situation similar to yours were she and I drew distant. I sent her a texting asking if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid. She had responded with idk, maybe. At that point I was very disappointed in her response and simply told her to not even worry about being part of the wedding then. She and I haven't spoken since. I would just reach out to her to get her response and discuss your concern with her if you really want her to be part of the wedding.

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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    But honestly, I don't want her in the wedding.. We're not close anymore, and we're not going to be after the wedding even if she's in it. So that means for the rest of my life I'm going to have her and all my wedding pictures and we were friends for a very short amount of time.. haven't spoken in 3 months and we probably won't speak once the wedding is over even if she is in the wedding.. So what's your advice now that you know I don't want her to be in the wedding..
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  • Holly
    Beginner May 2021
    Holly ·
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    So I know I’m a bit late to this, but I thought I’d throw in my two cents anyway. I asked my (ex) best friend not to be in my wedding party. At first, she was going to be my maid of honor. And then she stepped down, basically because she said she felt like we weren’t close enough. And then, when I asked her if she wanted to be in the wedding party at all, she said “I don’t know”....well, after about six weeks of reflection (and her not talking to me). I decided I deserved to have people in my wedding party that actually want to be there.


    It totally nuked the relationship. I could tell she was really hurt, she yelled a lot, there were hurt feelings... you know. She doesn’t talk to me any more.
    But I’m glad I did it. Honestly, it was like a weight around me. During wedding planning, I was just so aware that there was one person in the party who wasn’t...present, wasn’t happy, was like a black cloud you know? I think you may feel the same. It’s not pretty, it’s not easy, it’s probably going to blow up in your face. But I’m glad I did it. I don’t want someone that doesn’t care about me standing next to me on my big day.
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  • Brittany
    Savvy March 2021
    Brittany ·
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    I would reach out to her and say, “I know things have been really busy, but I was wondering if you’re still planning to be a part of my wedding party. If not, no hard feelings, I just need to know and I’d love to extend an invitation for you to celebrate with us as a guest. If so, we need to discuss how we’re going to proceed because I haven’t heard from you about it in a while and I feel like we’ve grown apart.”


    If she says she forgot about it, then you can give her a way out, but whether or not she wants to be a part of it, this gives her a way out without you having to straight up kick her out of the wedding party.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    Thank you so much girl I really appreciate your advice!! I actually talked to her yesterday. I just texted her and was like, " Hey, how do you feel about being a guest of the wedding instead of being in it"..
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    I hit reply too soon, lol!! anyway I said that to her and she was like Yeah that sounds great We're still friends I so love you blah blah blah So everything worked out perfect!! It definitely seemed like she wanted a way out too!! Thanks again for all your advice!!
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  • Kelly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kelly ·
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    Thank you so much for including your story I appreciate it!! I don't understand why your friend was so upset though, I mean, she was the one that first said she didn't want to be your maid of honor, so I don't understand why she was so hurt and upset from the outcome because that's what she chose.. But thank you so very much I appreciate it!! Fortunately, so far, everything has worked out great between my friend and I!!
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