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Dedicated September 2021

Bridesmaids: To ask or not to ask?

Ali, on January 3, 2020 at 8:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 3

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I haven’t asked any of my “bridesmaids” to be my bridesmaid yet but there is 8 of them...tentatively. My maid of honor is “my person”, then I have my two cousins, my stepsister, 3 friends who I’ve been friends with forever and then a college roommate! Here’s the dilemma, I want to add a 9th. I have one friend who I’ve been friends with just as long as the 3 but her and I recently gotten closer in the last year. One of the 3 friends and I grew up like family but she hasn’t taken any interest in my wedding and was even complaining about it to an acquaintance of ours! My 9th bridesmaid calls to check in when we haven’t talked in a bit, takes and interest in the wedding and we have more of a reciprocal friendship than the previously mentioned friend. Without sounding too pompous, I think the 9th bridesmaid would be honored that I asked her whereas the one I almost feel obligated to ask is thinking of it as a burden. Do I have all 9? Do I drop the one? Do I only have the initial 8?

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Latest activity by Megan, on January 4, 2020 at 4:31 AM

Devoted January 2021
gratia01 · on January 3, 2020 at 8:50 PM
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Don't ask anyone out of obligation! You want to be surrounded on your wedding day by people you love, who you feel love you and care about you. That being said, having 9 bridesmaids is totally ok too. I'm only having 5 but that's mostly because my fiance doesn't have that many close friends and we both wanted the sides to be even.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on January 3, 2020 at 9:34 PM
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Never ask anyone just because you think you should that being said, being a bridesmaid is more of a burden than an honor. A dress houre never gonna wear again and uncomfortable shoes are a strange way of being honored.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on January 4, 2020 at 4:31 AM
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If the wedding date on your profile is correct (September 2021) this is absolutely not something you should be worried about right now. It's definitely best to wait until about 10-12 months before the wedding to ask your wedding party--relationships change constantly (as indicated by you feeling closer to one friend over the other). By September of this year, things could have changed drastically.

Wait and see what happens, then base your decision off of who you're closest with at the end of 2020 and ask them. PPs are also right in that you shouldn't ask someone out of obligation. (Though, as a side note, you also shouldn't ask people to be in your party based on their enthusiasm level for your wedding. No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you. "Who's going to be the most honored I asked them" is not a great mindset to go in with--it should always just be your nearest and dearest. Of course, complaining about your wedding behind your back isn't a great way to go either.)
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