Bridesmaids seem uninterested

Hello, I believe you should send a message to them individually asking them if everything is okay and if they are still interested in being part of your bridal party. Also express that you understand we are in difficult times of uncertainty and you want to be able to accommodate their concerns as much as you can as you value and cherish them being there for you and now on your wedding day as well.

I would ... let it go :/ I know that’s probably NOT what you want to hear. I mean you could express to them that you would appreciate if they were more responsive, but I wouldn’t harp much on it.

I’m in a bridal party right now and one of the bridesmaids barely answers and we found out it’s cause she works like 16 hour days and she works all the time. So it just felt like she wants to be there but she can’t. And you can’t really force someone to take time out of their lives to do something like be more engaged in planning a party. She said she will be there and pay us whatever her portion needs to be. So I think it’s ok cause her heart is in the right place but her mind can’t be.

When I was engaged I definitely sensed that from my bridal party too - that they weren’t as interested in things as i hoped they’d be. A lot of brides unfortunately learn that.

View Quoted Comment But at least she ended up telling you. Mine literally don't say a word and even when I've asked them a few months ago they said yes they're good and left it at that. I simply don't want people in my bridal party that don't want to be there and if they can't squeeze me in with answers to simple questions that take 2 minutes to answer then what's the point? Just say you're too busy and you wish you can be there but just can't make time. I'm pretty understanding if I'm communicated with and that's the point, I'm not being told anything and that's a deal breaker for me. Especially when they were involved before and just fell off.

View Quoted Comment Yea I think it’s ok to say you’d like for them to be more responsive. I did go thru that with my own party and I just said I’d appreciate if you could be more responsive and things got better but I wouldn’t harp on it anymore than once. But letting them know if they could at least try to be more present is ok.

That sucks that you feel like your bridal party doesn’t want to participate. How often are these Facebook chats and what are the tasks that you’re asking them for help with?

It might help if you set deadlines for various things (and maybe a reminder text as time gets closer to the deadline). For example, "Hey, whoever is interested in getting their hair and makeup done professionally, let me know by the end of this month." At that point, you gave them the info. If you don't hear from them, it's on them. I think it is probably easier to get a response to a yes/no question vs a question asking their opinion/preference. I also agree with Melle, maybe ask them if they could be more responsive if things don't improve.

I don't know what they do for a living or what their life is like, but I'm in the medical field and just because I can quickly glance at a message it doesn't mean I actually have time to really read it or respond. And usually by the time I do have time I've forgotten about it...If you want to talk to them or get their opinions or whatever, call them or message them directly. I'm personally not one to get into group chats too much because they tend to have a LOT of messages and I can't just sit on my phone and read facebook messages so I miss most of them.

View Quoted Comment

They're not often. Maybe one or two a month, if that. This particular one I asked them for a picture for the website and how they'd like the DJ to pronounce their names (Tiff or Tiffany, Mel or Melaney, etc). As far as what my maid of honor is asking and how often, I'm not sure she won't tell me anything about my shower except where and when lol

I reached out to some of my bridesmaids, even given them an out a month ago. And they dragged on for a while, and then said no. I had a bridesmaid call me last night, 13 days before the wedding to cancel attending after she borrowed a dress from me for the rehearsal dinner the same day! I’m learning a lot to just know people. I know other people say give a chance, but honestly that only cause me more heart ache. I know who was being weird or unsure even if they didn’t admit it, if I could do it again I’d make it easy for us both and when I cut my wedding from 150 to 50 people I would have just cut them out.

A lot of people are no more fond of group chats than they are of work memos. Which they file away, and don't have to answer. at 39, it is now 25 years since I was first a bridesmaid, with many, many weddings ( big family, multiple schools, girlie profession.) I have never had a friend or family member I have routinely had ANY group email or group messaging thread. Always direct communication, by regular letter, by phone, by talking, by individual email or text. And when this thing for group chats came up with weddings, they were completely unwelcome. They depersonalized my previously close relationships with brides. Also, I become a MOH, BM, or GW, because I am a very close friend or family to the bride, or groom, or both. When they choose other Bridal party, those people have a relationship with the bride or groom, but rarely a close one with me. A MOH is an honorary position, a person who knows the bride longest, or is closest to her. But they are not my supervisor, if I am BM. And when I am MOH, I am not supervisor of BM. I will work together, volunteering to do parties, small chores, addressing invitations, alterations free, for people I talk to, who take the time to talk to me. Individually, as a person. But it the bride or MOH or MOB start sending out a businesslike memo, group chat, because they cannot be bothered to deal with me personally ( even while asking me to do things for them) then I won't respond to them. Treat a friend, as a friend. Talk to them. MOH who do not include those who volunteer to do things in planning, should not expect those people to contribute or be involved. It is not a job. It is supposed to be an act of friendship. Receiving a group chat , to me and many others I have talked to, is like hearing, Hey, you. Or a friend standing on their doorstep whistling. I am not a stranger, and not a pet. I expect a different form of communication, if you want an answer. DC the memos.

A few of my friend’s bridesmaids are like that. Group chats and social media just aren’t their thing, and that’s okay! I’m planing her shower and bachelorette, and if they don’t answer when I ask for input, I just move forward without it. (I give them a day or two to respond first, though.) Group chats can be annoying, so I get it. We have one for just us bridesmaids to talk about the planning the bride can’t know about. Lately, it has just been us joking around. The same bridesmaids still don’t respond. They read the stuff, so they know what’s going on, and they aren’t being excluded. They’re still going to be there at the events, and that’s what counts.

View Quoted Comment My point is that I've asked if group chat is ok and they've said yes. I've asked if they all wanna still be in it and they've said yes. My MOH messages then directly and they still don't respond. If none of what we're doing is ok then they need to be honest and they're not.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I understand that. My point was that being inactive digitally doesn’t mean being disinterested.