Chelsea
Savvy November 2020

Bridesmaids Not Interested

Chelsea, on January 15, 2020 at 5:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 20
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Is it just me, or did anybody else bridesmaids not really seem that excited or kinda not caring? I have a group chat with all of them on Facebook messenger and I only go in there whenever I need to tell them what they will need. Other than that, I don’t go in there and ask them to do a million 1 things or talk wedding talk all day long. I don’t know about others but I like when people respond with a atleast “ok got it”. Only 1 person said that and it was my cousin who’s my matron. And then yesterday my fsil put a thumbs down on the message and I text her individually and asked why did she put it and she said “ she was reading and scrolling and the buttons were in the way” which didn’t make a lick of sense to me because the buttons don’t pop up when you’re scrolling on messenger. You have to hold the message down then put thumbs up or down. Idk it all wasn’t making sense to me and I knew it was kinda full of BS. Idk if I’m making a big deal about them just reading and not responding. But as far as my future sil idk how I feel about that, what do you guys think about all of this.

20 Comments

  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    No one will be as interested in your wedding as you. As long as they show up on the day of in the correct attire, they have done their part. It sucks but everyone has their own life. I do agree, they should at least acknowledge your messages. Maybe ask if they could let you know in some way that they have read the message, thumbs up or a ok got it like you mentioned.

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  • Kaitlyn
    Beginner April 2021
    Kaitlyn ·
    • Flag
    Don't play mind games on yourself! Just ask them nicely if they could make an effort to respond to your messages on there and give a reason why you would like to see such. They should be people who care about you so this should be a reasonable request!
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Like a pp said, no one is as excited for your wedding as you are. The only real job a bridesmaid has is to show up to the wedding in the right attire. Most of my bridesmaids gave similar answers when I would give them information they would need. Although they are reacting the way you want, there really isn't anything wrong with their response. Normally a thumbs up on Facebook means she understands, ok, or good so that's probably what she meant. I think you are kind of overacting about the thumbs up.
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  • Chelsea
    Savvy November 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Thank you. I think you misread, she put a thumbs down.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Oh sorry. I definitely misread. It makes sense then that you reached out. While there were definitely times I wanted my bridesmaids to be more helpful, I understand that everyone has their own lives. I was however about to murder one of them and the groomswoman because while we were supposed to be getting ready and having photos done they kept going outside to smoke. The groomswoman even was vaping most of the morning which really annoyed me.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    I was in a bridesmaid chat last year. I accidentally was scrolling through and hit the frowny face. Did I mean it no. My dog hit my hand when I hit the frowny face when I meant to hit the smiley face. I explained to the bride i did it on accident. That was that.
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  • Chelsea
    Savvy November 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Thank you for sharing your experience Kelsey. The reason why I’m worrying about this is because me and fsil are really just now bonding, at first I got the feeling that she didn’t like me because I was marrying her only brother, I even got that feeling from future mil.
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  • Chelsea
    Savvy November 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Yes I understand everyone has their own lives, even I have my own life. But it’s just 1 little message and nobody said anything, only 2 girls. I just saw their picture that they read it.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I get your frustrations, but I had the same thing happen to me. Maybe they didn't think whatever you told them required a response. I know I had asked them to wear silver shoes and not everyone replied. They all worn silver shoes like I requested, but my guess is they didn't think it required a response from them.
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  • Andrea
    VIP April 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    We wish our bridal party would be jumping with joy as we are every single day. Unfortunately, more than likely they aren't. Not to say they aren't happy for us, but more so that they do carry on their own lives outside of our wedding planning. Try not to think about it so much and enjoy your wedding planning with you and your fiance. That's all that matters. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen just have to show up on the day of the wedding in full wedding garb, happy and ready to go. I hope everything works out for you.Smiley heart

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  • Chelsea
    Savvy November 2020
    Chelsea ·
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    Thank you Andrea💜
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  • Andrea
    VIP April 2020
    Andrea ·
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    You're very welcome!!Smiley heart

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  • Kathryn
    Super April 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    I feel you!! I was saying something about favors to my FH, and he was like "don't you have bridesmaids to help?". 😤 They don't talk in the group chat, and it's hard to even get a confirmation from one girl that she has her dress. They all have their own lives, and I only expect them to show up on the day. But idk - it would be nice if they showed a little more interest. I know no one is going to be as interested as me and my FH, but I think even replying to gentle nudges about their dresses would be cool.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I agree with no one cares as much as you. My fsil just ordered her dress last week. The wedding is February 22.. As long as she shows up..im happy.
    • Reply
  • C
    Savvy September 2020
    Conny ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s a mix. I’m also kinda sensitive so I understand you. Maybe Some of the girls may just have a life outside your wedding and others may be not so pleased(sorry to say). Others may simply be kinda unhappy. I had a very good friend basically do the same. Similar actions(cold,distant) I didn’t even get a bachelorette party but when I was single I threw multiple engagement parties, dinner parties etc. for several friends! However, I made peace with it and focused on planning my wedding with the small intimate friends and family. Fast forward a year later, one of the girls broke her engagement. This experience taught me that people can only be happy for you to the extent they are happy. Unless your inundating them with messages and request and being a bridezilla I don’t see why someone can’t simply say ‘got it, thanks’. Something else may be going on,. You just need to GUARD your joy and do other things outside of bridal
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  • C
    Savvy September 2020
    Conny ·
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    This is why I’m not having a bridal party lol I’m super sensitive and knew I’d feel kinda sad if such things happen. I’m so much happier planning my entire wedding solo with friends and family as guests Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Dedicated September 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Actually I have accidentally done emojis on messages tons of times just trying to scroll down in Messenger. 😩 I'm sure it was an accident! I'm sorry your bridesmaids aren't excited for you.
    • Reply
  • C
    Expert November 2020
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    I often hit reactions accidentally while scrolling, it is easier to do than you may think. Some phones are more sensitive or if she is scrolling slowly it may count that as holding down on a message and then any movement she would make would mark one of the reactions. Believe her that it was an accident and don't let it bother you. Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag

    Agree with the others that say no one cares as much as you. They owe you nothing but to show up sober and dressed for the event. Don't worry about the thumbs down, I am sure it was an accident.

    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
    • Flag

    I won't lie, I kind of felt this way (not about messaging, but just lack of interest). I had made a huge deal about my friends' weddings, but since I was the last one (and they had been there and done that), they seemed completely disinterested in comparison. I would go and help them with planning, invitations, etc, and got not even an offer in return for any of that whe nit was my day. Hell, my friends did getaways for their bach parties but when I wanted to do a one-night thing, I got flack from them about it (specifically the price, even though they spent like $50 the entire night and I spent $1K on theirs, each). However, as others have pointed out, no one will be as excited about your day as you.


    So, I totally empathize with how you feel, and you have valid feelings there, but remember that no one will be as excited as you are and cut them a little slack because they also have their own lives going on.

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