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October 2020

Bridesmaids not happy with Maid of Honor

Amanda, on July 20, 2020 at 10:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hello, I am the Maid of Honor for my best friends wedding whom I have know for 11+ years

The Bridesmaids are the Groom's sisters (known the bride for appox 5 years)and they are in their 20's and I'm 42 and another friend of the brides, ( know the bride approx 8 years) that I do not like but, because I am an adult, I am cordial too and everything.

The Bridal Shower I planned, purchased and got everything together.

When I would see the bridesmaids I would try to show the or talk to them about what was being done and they really had no interest or care about what was being done.

The Bridesmaids came and help set up for the shower and then helped during the shower,

In planning the Bachelorette Party, the Bride said she wanted X, Y, Z so I get pricing for X Y &Z.

The Bride wanted a Limo for Wine Tastings, go back to a resort hotel locally and get changed for dinner have a nice dinner and then go to room for Adult entertainment. If we were still up to partying after that there was a club in the resort that we could go too. Mind you, this is verbatim to what the bride wanted.

I reach out to the Bridesmaids and tell them this is what is going down and how much it is. They were not happy with the cost and I said and questions, problems or ideas please let me know. One person said it was too much and one of the Grooms sisters said there is this house and I had to shoot it down for the third time. (The Bride had told her no on two previous occasions)

Come to find out they went to the bride and told her that I wasn't letting them help with any of the planning, and the bride, I guess, didn't tell them I didn't plan the Bacherlortte party that she did.

I have ended every communication with them with problems, questions or ideas to let me know.

No one ever did that and now the Bachelorette party got planned without me ( the maid of honor) and I am supposed to be okay with that because they weren't part of the planning process of the Bridal Shower.

I thought a

Am I wrong to be upset and hurt that they all went behind my back and planned the Bachelorette Party?

I thought as the Maid of Honor I was the contact person and the one to bring the activities to fruition.

Thanks

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on July 20, 2020 at 8:28 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 20, 2020 at 10:18 AM
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Just because you're the maid of honor, doesn't mean that you're in charge of planning everything. It's definitely rude that they knew you wanted to help and left you out, but what can you do at this point? Attend or don't attend the bachelorette, whichever, you want, then go to the wedding and you never have to speak to them again.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 20, 2020 at 10:26 AM
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Caytlyn is right, I understand that you’re hurt it was all planned without you, but it sounds like you just did exactly what the bride wanted and that was out of budget for some girls. They should have voiced concerns and helped you come up with an alternate plan that was in budget, but since you just have a flat out said no to the one suggesting a house (?) it’s possible they didn’t think you were really going to consider any alternatives. The bride shouldn’t really be planning or dictating her bachelorette, I gave my MOHs suggestions of what I would like, but at the end of the day they are the ones planning it. Just like a wedding, the plan starts with the budget and what everyone can afford, and no one should be made to feel bad about what they can or can’t afford. It sounds like there were some communication issues and it’s unfortunate, but if this is your best friend I’d focus on your friend and let this one go.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 20, 2020 at 10:31 AM
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That’s pretty rude of them to not include you, actually.
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October 2020
Amanda · on July 20, 2020 at 10:44 AM
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I didn't flat out say no to the house. I discussed it with the Bride. The Bride didn't want to drive 4 hours for a night stay. The Bride told no to the bridesmaid that suggested it twice before and then the bride sat at lunch with us and said she didn't want to do that and it was brought up a third time.
I am not a hard person to talk to. I was literally trying to find cheaper alternatives. The Limo was a definite stay, Bride wanted no one to drive.
I was trying to work with the girls but no one said anything to me by 24 hours after I sent the text and in that time the other 2 bridesmaid sat down with the bride (at a family function) and hashed out the details.
I understand this is my friend and I should let it go but I also feel like that I was played with.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 20, 2020 at 10:53 AM
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My MOHs rarely text me back within 24 hours, same with the best man, it’s frustrating sometimes, but it’s life. We all get busy, we all see a message and think I’ll respond when I’m done with this and forget to go back. Maybe they were just ignoring you, at this point it is what it is. If the sisters sat down with the bride to make the plans at a family function, it sounds like they put her in a really tough position. She’s marrying into their family and I’m sure she doesn’t want to start things off with drama. I get how your feeling, but try to see it from her perspective too. Maybe they were being manipulative, but that’s no reason to cause drama for your friend or ruin this experience for her.
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October 2020
Amanda · on July 20, 2020 at 11:03 AM
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Thanks, fortunately she has no idea that I am this upset.
My next question is, I know of the general plan, but no one has communicated it with me except for the bride. Do I send out a group text or wait for them to do so?
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on July 20, 2020 at 6:14 PM
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I can definitely see how this would be upsetting. It does seem rude that they would leave you out entirely. I would reach out to them and ask if they can clarify the plan and if there's anything else that needs to be done because you do want to help. Then you can have a clean slate for the bach party (if you want to go), go to the wedding, and then never speak to them again.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 20, 2020 at 8:28 PM
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I understand feeling hurt. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’ll probably have to be the one to reach out to them. I hope they’ll actually respond to you this time and let you help.
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