Mo
Savvy July 2018

Bridesmaids never respond

Mo, on March 20, 2018 at 5:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 16
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Hi all, I've been feeling quite down about my bridesmaids lately. I send them messages every couple months when I need to inform them of something that needs to be done within a couple months. I messaged them last month about needing to buy their dresses by April, no response and no orders as of yet. I messaged them asking who was getting their hair and/or makeup done because I need to know by mid april. Again, no responses. Not one of them has asked if they could help out with anything even though I know it's not their job, but I guess I just feel like like they don't care. No ones asked me of any interests in a bridal shower or bachelorette. Again I know they don't HAVE to do anything but I guess I just feel sad because I spent quite a bit on their bridesmaids proposals and wrote sentimental cards to show my appreciation of them. I pictured having fun with my girls before my wedding and doing all the wedding traditions. Am I over reacting? What would you do? Although, there's probably not much that can be done.

16 Comments

Latest activity by Jenny, on March 27, 2018 at 12:50 PM
  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    Is it a group message? I don't think many like group messages. Probably best to call them individually.
    • Reply
  • T
    Beginner August 2018
    Tressa ·
    • Flag
    I had this same issue for my first marriage. One of my girls never actually went in to be fitted and just figured that because she was a certain size in another bridesmaid dress it would be the same for mine. She was wrong and the day before the wedding when she FINALLY tried her dress on it was too small. I wish I had some advice for you because no one wants to be "bridezilla" but no one wants to be disrespected either.
    • Reply
  • S
    Savvy February 2018
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I'm so sorry you're going through that. I went through a similar situation. Unfortunately in order to get things done you will have to run behind them like 3yr olds. Constantly calling every week and basically begging them to get the stuff done. That was the worst part of my wedding preparation. They all have their own lives and your wedding is just not as important to them as it is to you. Not trying to make you feel any worse it's just the reality of the situation. Until about 2 weeks before the wedding they all come around eventually.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP September 2018
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Awe man I’m bummed for you. That’s tough. I am so sorry!
    • Reply
  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    I’m really sorry! I’ve found that I do a blend of personal messages and group chat stuff. Things that have to do with General fun wedding stuff I put on the group chat, or things that apply to them. I send individual messages when I need to ask them budget related things. Some people also mute group messages because they can be overwhelming.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated September 2018
    Allicia ·
    • Flag
    Welp this is awful. My situation is somewhat similar. One bridesmaid is so much more involved then another and it actually astounds me. Stop texting and call them. Get them on the phone and Express that deadlines are a big deal and things need to be done. Joke about not wanting to be bridezilla and mention that you know they have a life but....things need to get done. I told one that we are going shopping on this date. Your dress needs to be ordered by this date. I'll text/call to remind her. If she doesn't get it done then she's not gonna be in my wedding!

    So far wedding party and budget are my biggest struggles. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • L
    Savvy July 2018
    Linda ·
    • Flag
    I was in the same boat. One bridesmaid always answers me. One answers me about 60% of the time. But my maid of honor didn't do jack and never answered me and hadn't even ordered her dress yet (4 months to the wedding) so I asked her if it was too much for her and if I needed to find someone else (except much nicer) she basically said yeah. So maybe call them individually and if they still don't answer ask if it's too much of a commitment or too much for them to handle or something like that.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Expert June 2019
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    Also make sure you are talkinging more than once every few months so you can stay up to date on their lives. My friends and I talk much more often, but I am sure to be as involved as possible in their lives so that they don't feel like I'm wedding obsessed. If you feel like you need to be on them, stop right there. That isn't a good way to operate. Let them know what you need and trust they will take car of it (maybe on reminder). If they don't, they made a choice.

    I'm sorry your friends aren't more involved. It really adds something special to have involved bridesmaids.
    • Reply
  • Mo
    Savvy July 2018
    Mo ·
    • Flag

    Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm so sorry to those that are going through it too. It just kind of makes you feel like you're not special. One of my bridesmaids had agreed to doing my makeup for my engagement pictures after I told her I would pay her for her services and then she never showed up so I had to do my own. I'm also a photographer and have photographed them and their families for free but never get anything in return. Just feeling a bit down and underappreciated.

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy May 2018
    MayBride2018 ·
    • Flag

    MINES ARE THE SAME WAY!!! Well 50% no one ever responds to me minus to of couple them. It is so annoying. It is absolutely crappy. I made a facebook group to make it easy for me to reach all of them at the same time. I barely post anything and when I do it's like I am talking to a wall. It pisses me off. Like a simple yes or no would be great. No you are not over reacting. I dont ask them for help, I dont ask them for anything. before anyone jumps and says they do not have to do anything, I am talking about important stuff pertaining them for the day of such as size for gifts, or if they want their hair done or anything. My maid of honor is the maid of honor from hell. She hasn't done a single thing she has turned into a horrible friend and well maid of honor. She hasn't done anything for me like talk to me or anything and this was my bestfriend. I really wish I could go back and reconsider who I picked to be in my bridal party.

    • Reply
  • catobx
    Expert September 2018
    catobx ·
    • Flag

    I feel you. Sometimes I will send messages and only one or two reply in a normal time period. It's frustrating, but you can't do much. I have had to text some of them. Everyone has a life, but at the same time people are constantly on their phones, it takes 3 minutes to respond, tops. If people are really not replying, even after you following up, ask them if they are still comfortable being in the wedding. It's not rocket science. Common decency says, just reply.

    • Reply
  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
    • Flag

    I often don't hear back from my girls either, they're both crazy busy. I just sent the message and let them handle things the way they want to.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Savvy September 2018
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    I just had a similar conversation with one of my friends who getting married as well! I’m sorry this is happening. I just wish some would sound more excited and happy for their friend! I try and keep up with their lives and not just talk wedding talk too because I know that would get old. I hope I remember this feeling when it is their turn so they don’t feel the same way!
    • Reply
  • Springprincess
    Savvy June 2018
    Springprincess ·
    • Flag
    My bridesmaids are not responsive either. My wedding is in June & non of them has their dresses yet. I stopped talking to them regarding anything, i nolonger care if they really make it to my wedding. I’m sure two of my sisters will be able to make it but the remaining two may or may not make it. But I’m no longer bothered by their attitude. My MOH is so supportive and she has all her things in place
    • Reply
  • Mo
    Savvy July 2018
    Mo ·
    • Flag

    Such a crappy feeling. Idk I just have always considered others feelings. It also really bugs me when they can't reply but they can be on social media. I'm just going to send out one more reminder in a week or so about their dresses and if they don't purchase them then I'll take it as a hint they don't care to be in it. It honestly makes me question my friendship with them because I know I'd be there for them 100% if the roles were flipped. Oh well I guess.

    • Reply
  • Jenny
    Savvy June 2018
    Jenny ·
    • Flag

    UGH! I've been going through the same thing! About a month ago I had a complete meltdown and sent a crazy person email to my MOH saying things like "I understand if you don't want me in your life anymore, just please tell me so I'll stop pestering you", and on and on. She apologized and told me about stuff she'd been going through (knowing how stressed I've been, she didn't want to burden me with it), assured me she loves me and is super excited about my wedding, and all that. Since then, things have been a little better; I did have to ask her if she's thinking about a shower because people are starting to ask me (she is), and I just found out my Aunt is possibly throwing one? But it was supposed to be a surprise? Anyway, my advice is to be honest with them, and realistic with yourself. As another person pointed out, they all have their own lives and our weddings just aren't as important to them as they are to us. But tell them it's hurting you, and ask them to please try to be more responsive.

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