Bridesmaids just engaged! Conflicts with our wedding date

Despite the wedding dates, I think it's inconsiderate of her (with her guests) to plan a destination wedding with less than a year's notice. Maybe she wants less people to go? Is she definitely having a bridal party?

She's been in so many weddings that she's opted out of a bridal party; but the group of the 4 of us are extremely close friends and I feel that not going to her wedding would never be an option I (or the other 2) would think of. My fiancé and I are completely on board with going and spending the money; but it's already a jam-packed year as is for many involved. I want to and have shared in the excitement of their engagement but I can't help but feel frustrated that everyone will be dishing out 2K for her wedding so quickly and only a month later I'll be asking those involved to attend a bachelorette party and/or bridal shower, and then weeks later our wedding, along with all the expenses I have already asked in the BM dress. I know they are hoping for a small guest list but she's already expressed that she wants us to be there and has asked about PTO availability and scheduling. Is it something I should bring up? Of course I don't want to sound or be selfish and understand they should do what they want, just asking for advice on how to go about it?

I'm in almost the same situation, minus a pregnancy, and all weddings are oot for most people, myself included. 2 of my BMs are in a friend's wedding 2 weeks before mine, and one 3 mo after in another state. Life schedules are so complicated already, and picking a date was so stressful for me, I would never expect a friend to block off several months of their planning because of my wedding, it's just not realistic. Financially though, it's tough, but you can't change the timing. Skip something, save like crazy, or start earning extra $$$. This is an exciting time!! Good luck

These situations are so tough; trying to please everyone is a difficult task. I appreciate the input

That's so tough. No advice, but I think you're certainly justified in how you feel. Just keep it to yourself because of you say something, it may be taken the wrong way

So that's definitely a unique situation. There's not much you can do about it at this point other than to embrace the craziness and enjoy it. People will come to what they can come to.

The common phrase is "you get one day"

But I see where you're coming from. I agree the DW such short notice is very inconsiderate, and the rest is a lot too. Try to enjoy everyone's special time?

I don't think she's being inconsiderate. She's trying to have the wedding she wants, just like you and everyone else is.

She's probably didn't do a DW just to piss people off.

If you can't or don't want to spend the money/be in the wedding, just tell her. Hopefully she'll be understanding since she is the one who decided to do the DW.

This is definitely a difficult situation to be in financially. I can understand why you are concerned. I don't think she's being inconsiderate though. If it is going to prove to be too much for you financially then I would be honest with her. If you can make it work though, then I wouldn't say anything.

I do wonder if she will actually end up having her DW in March if she just got engaged yesterday. A lot of people have ideas when they first get engaged and they get completely changed once they start truly looking into the idea and booking things. Not saying she will change her plans, but I do know my original plan was a DW and that's not what we ended up having for various reasons.

I understand where you are coming from. It will be a financial strain for you and FH getting married shortly thereafter. But like E-Tex said, I don't find her to be inconsiderate. Just a woman excited to get married. Your weddings are two months apart. I wouldn't worry about people coming to the bridal shower and bachelorette party.

I feel like everybody gets to the point in their life where everybody seems to be getting married/having babies within a very short amount of time. This year, is that year for me. Now, I'm not in the same situation as you, but you just have to remember, this stuff only happens once (or should only happen once). It's going to be an expensive and super busy year. Save up the best that you can, and talk to the other girls about doing the same. If you're as close to them as you say you are, I don't think a conversation would be out of line.

Plan a get together at your house. Literally sit down with each other and financially map out the year of 2017 for you together as a group (weddings/babies), as well as any other commitments you all have individually. See if everything that is planned will work out for everyone. If there is a problem, let's say with the DW...talk as a group to that friend. Find out why she needs it in March. See if you can ALL compromise on something so that it isn't just, "Oh, Stephanie, you need to move your DW because its too much, too close to MY wedding." I think that is how I would handle the situation.

I agree with you financially 100% as being in a wedding is time consuming and alot of money. However, the timing I am not sure I agree with you. My best friend and I are planning a wedding two months apart and it has been awesome to have her to bounce ideas off of. It's also great to have someone who understands your stress and time commitment it takes. We are both in each others weddings and haven't had any conflicts.

Now - I do understand everyone and every situation is different. I would suggest just talking to her about your concerns!

I haven't read PP, but honestly if you can't commit to the financial aspect of being in her wedding you'll need to take a step back. I know when I planned my wedding I didn't consider anyone elses schedules outside of my immediate family and my groom and his immediate family. Beyond that, the date is what it is and you can hop on board or graciously bow out.

The good news is that you have plenty of time to plan and budget for her wedding with it being well over a year away so if you want to be a part of it I'm sure you can make it happen.

PP, it's actually only 9 months away.

You will have to be okay with not attending the DW if you can't afford it and if she is a good friend, then she will understand.

I opted to go without a bridal party and my best friend can't come to my destination wedding. It is what it is. You have a choice of whether you can afford to go. I'm not upset that my best friend isn't going because I didn't plan my wedding around her. She should understand.

That's super tough but not much you can do. She is allowed to have her wedding when and where she wants. I agree less than a year is pretty short notice for a destination wedding. Is her wedding in Mexico over a weekend? If so I would just try and go for two or three nights to use as little money and pto as possible.

Thanks for all the feedback! I talked with the other girls also included and apparently I'm not the only one feeling stressed about it and we've decided to talk to her about it over dinner

I assume anyone having a DW is not expecting many people to attend. And you are well within your right to say no if asked to be a BM in that wedding or any wedding. If she gets insulted like you should be in her's bc she's in yours than just tell her with your own budget to manage you dont want to make any commitments you can't keep.