Bridesmaids family trouble

Dear Christine,

If you were asking before you decided on your bridesmaids, I would have told you to not listen to what they say, because compromising ends up not being very fun for anyone involved. I think it's selfish of people to not want to include her son. Especially if he's of ring-bearing-age. Who would say no to a cute little kid joining the wedding party for the day-of? Not me!

Thank you for your post and I hope that you can let their insecurities wash over you!

Aubrianna Abbema

I personally don’t think that anyone should have a say in who you pick to be in your bridal party. In the end it should be your closest friends that you couldn’t imagine getting married without them being by your side. I especially don’t think they should control who the ring bearer is. Just because they don’t necessarily have a great relationship with the child’s mom doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t be involved or included at all (like it’s obviously not his fault or his doing)

It isn't their place to decide who your bridesmaids are. I'm not a huge fan of my husband's one friend, but she was still a groomswoman in our wedding. I wasn't going to tell him he couldn't include someone important to him just because her and I don't always see eye to eye. It is also very selfish of them to prevent a young innocent child, who you are obviously close to, from being in your wedding just because they don't like his mom. If it were me, I would stand up to your family and fiance and explain how important it is to you to include your friend and her son in your wedding. They should be able to put their personal feelings aside for one day to let you celebrate with those closest to you.

The bridesmaids are the bride's choice only for the same reason you don't pick your fiance's attendants, and should only be your nearest, dearest best supportive friends. Not people out of obligation to fill a spot. You can have a ringbearer without mom as a bridesmaid.

It’s hard to give advice without knowing the reason for everyone disliking her, but you mentioned she’s caused problems in the past. I definitely agree your parents shouldn’t necessarily have a say, but your fiancé’s opinion does matter as it’s his wedding day too. Again, really hard to say without knowing the whole story but if my husband had concerns that were valid and had happened before, I would probably not have that friend stand by us on that day.

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I agree with this, it's hard to give advice on this without the full story and your fiancé's opinion should matter to you, but your parents not so much.

We had the exact opposite, where there were people my parents and FH parents though we SHOULD have someone in our parties that we didn't want. We had legitimate reasons for it, one of the guys my FH didn't ask was his best friend for a time, and FH parents LOVE this friend and thought it was ridiculous that FH wasn't asking him to be a groomsman, and pitched a fit about it. That's when FH had to tell them that they're lucky we're even inviting this friend after some very rude and horrible things he said about me and treated my FH a couple of years ago after a blow up in the friend group.

Ultimately, you choose who you want to stand by you, and you're an adult and able to make your own decisions on this. Just because your parents are helping pay for the wedding does not allow them to dictate every choice you make, it's your wedding at the end of the day!

I'm sorry that they feel the way that they do towards her. Maybe there are some unresolved things that need to be brought up to bring peace? At the end of the day it is your choice because it is in the name BRIDEsmaid. And for them to reject her son to be a ring bearer??! That's a no no. Because he is just a kid, and just because they have something against her doesn't mean that they should reject her son.
And I agree with Erin, just because they are contributing does not mean that they have a say on EVERYTHING.. Like they can have a say, but it ultimately comes to you as the BRIDE in which they have to respect. Make sure there are no strings attached for when it comes to them helping to pay for the wedding. For example, I wouldn't want them to threaten to pull out of paying for the wedding if you are choosing to make her a bridesmaid.