Bridesmaids drinking

By “bridesmaid over drinking” I’m assuming you mean “friend over drinking.” This isn’t wedding related and should definitely be a friend first, bride second situation. How would you approach any other friend about this? Do other family members notice that there might be a problem?

Are you asking in general or specifically for your wedding? Does her behavior get problematic when she's drinking, or are you just generally concerned about this habit?

In regards to your wedding, I'd let your bar staff know your concerns so they can be sure not to over serve her. I'd also recommend a "No Shots" limitation if you are offering liquor.

View Quoted Comment This is one of the bridesmaids, future sister in law. One other person has noticed the issue. Other family members note it has her personality. At wedding related meetings the drinking is not controlled. So bridal shower, bachelorette weekend, and the wedding are causing me anxiety now.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely noting no shots whatsoever! That’s a great idea and I can talk to the bar at the bridal shower about slowing down with providing drinks.

I think you’re approaching this wrong. You’re making this about you and your wedding. If there’s an actual issue, it should be about your future sister in law’s health and well being.

View Quoted Comment But no one (minus me and another sister in law) see it as a problem. Would you bring this issue up to your future in laws? I’m scared to approach that

View Quoted Comment How old is your FSIL? Unless she’s really young, I don’t think I’d involve her parents. Assuming this is your FH’s sister, what is his opinion?

View Quoted Comment Soon to be 26. He, seems to me, to be ignoring the lying of use or minimizing the amount of use.

I agree with PP's, this isn't an issue of a bridesmaid overdrinking. This is a future family member overdrinking. I would talk to your FH about this, as it's his family. She could just be a wild partier who over does it, but she may also have a seriously alcohol problem. That should be the concern and if she needs professional help.

View Quoted Comment I don’t know how long you’ve known her or if this has always been her behavior, but I’d be wary of trying to get other people involved if your FH doesn’t even see what you see and wouldn’t have your back if you tried to talk to her or others. I think you can easily let your bartenders know not to serve shots and that they’re welcome to cut people off who are too intoxicated.

I feel the same way. My family is full of alcoholics and I am debating on having alcohol at my wedding all. I don’t want to enable that behavior but it stinks for the people who can control themselves around it and want to enjoy it.

I agree with others that this isn't really a wedding issue. But I acknowledge that it is stressful to watch a loved one spiral into addiction. There's not anything you can do to change her actions or behavior, because that's not how addiction works. Sadly, you can't even force others to recognize it as addiction if they aren't ready to.

But you can set boundaries for what you will participate in and be around. If her behavior at a wedding event is inappropriate, you can ask her to leave (getting her a safe ride of course!) or leave yourself (e.g., at the end of the bachelorette party). If others around her are enabling her and resist your boundaries, you can't control that.

As far as the wedding, relying on your professional bartender for assistance is a great idea. Don't allow shots for anyone and give your bartender a head's up on who might overindulge so they can be extra vigilant about cutting people off.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with all of this!

Also it is not a bad idea to hire security for the night. They can take care of anyone who over drinks or gets too rowdy, that way it is not on you and maybe your family will realize that if your sister-in-law had to be removed from the party then maybe she has a problem. Good luck.

It's not really anything you can control. My husband's sister is a raging alcoholic and has been for 10+ years. She was one of my bridesmaids. She skipped the bachelorette (couldn't afford it), came to the shower, missed pre-wedding nail appointment (it was optional so not a big deal) and was fine at the wedding. We hired security for the reception & ceremony in case it was needed, but it wasn't. The bartender cut her off and she was fine. You can't control guest behavior so it's better to take precautions but realize it's out of your hands.

If you think this is a genuine issue, as others have said, be a friend and stop worrying about your wedding. It sounds like a problem being that she seems to drink beyond the appropriate level for even partying.

We, our family, and friends all drink and like to party hard at weddings. I don’t see that as an issue because it’s appropriate for US and our families. It’d be different if I thought anyone in particular had a problem. I know a lot of people hate that but what I did to make sure we all were good was simply let everyone know a schedule and exactly what point formal photos and speaking will be done and that was all of our signals to party. The day was important to all of them too and being that they don’t have an issue, everyone stayed in control.

As far as the wedding goes, give the bar staff a heads up about her, and instruct them to cut her off if necessary. If your venue doesn't have security included, I would hire some!

I can understand. FH's mom is an alcoholic. She almost died because of it and then resumed drinking shortly after like it never happened. I'm just going to let it go - her family has tried to confront her and it does nothing. I'm just hoping for the best! Unfortunately we cannot control other people but can plan accordingly (no shots, limit the amount of drinks per hour, etc.).

I am in the same boat with FH's brother who will be in the wedding party. We plan to have an open bar and I will DEFINITELY be letting the bar staff and our event coordinator know he is allowed 2 drinks max.

Hes going to hate it (I'm pretty sure he is a closet drinker) and will probably be an ass about it, but I am not letting him ruin our night by being belligerent.

Since she is a family member of your fiance, your fiance should be the one doing the talking. Talk to your intended about your concerns and develop a course of action together as to how to handle it in regards to your wedding.

She is a classic alcoholic.

Maybe you can get your bartender to not give her shots, maybe she has a flask in her purse, maybe the family will continue to ignore the obvious signs of alcoholism, maybe they will hire a professional and do a successful intervention--who knows?

Al-anon would be helpful for you and your fiancé to learn about how to deal with her illness.