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Expert February 2015

Bridesmaids don't seem to care

John Smith, on February 10, 2020 at 9:24 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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My FH has two younger sisters (16 and 11) who are two of my bridesmaids. I'm not close with them but I've honestly been trying to get some one-on-one time with them to try to get to know them better. The problem is that they are both overly busy with school and sports and are young, so they don't know their own schedules well. For a while I was doing everything through their mother (my FMIL), but she's become very mean and rude towards me, so I'd rather communicate directly with the girls.

My other bridesmaid got her dress over the weekend, and it's not due to come in until June (the wedding is July 4), so I'm eager to get the two sisters in as soon as possible. I gave the girls the brochure from David's bridal about 3 weeks ago to look through and pick styles, and they know what colour to get, but they haven't even looked through it yet. I texted the 16 year old to let me know when this month they are free to go get their dresses, and she said they're busy every weekend with sports but she would check with her mum and let me know. I told her even a weeknight would be fine. She hasn't gotten back to me since.

Furthermore, a few weeks ago I asked if they were free the day after valentine's day so I could take them out for a galentine's day brunch. She said they were so I went ahead and scheduled it, and then two days ago she texted me to say that she actually had a swim meet that day.

They are only in the wedding because my Fiance wanted them to be and it's caused a lot of drama between me and their mother because she feels like I'm not fully including them in everything (long story, the two girls aren't upset about anything regarding that), and now it seems like they don't even care about the importance of their role. They're also going on a family holiday less than 2 weeks before the wedding, so they likely won't be a part of the pre-wedding week activities.

If they don't have time to hang out with me, that's fine. But if they don't get in to get their dresses soon then the dresses won't come in on time and I know that their mother will blame me for it.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by MOB So Cal, on February 10, 2020 at 7:15 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 10, 2020 at 9:27 AM
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Can I be honest? They are teenagers. Weddings are not a big deal to them. I say this because I am a high school teachers and their concerns are there friends and school related events. They are too young to understand the importance of a wedding and really should probably have not been included. I think your fiance should step in and get them to buy their dresses since he wanted them in the wedding. If I were you I would sit down and talk to your MIL and ask her what has caused the tension so you two can be on good terms.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on February 10, 2020 at 9:32 AM
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I would have your fiance talk to his mother since he is the one that wants them to be included. I will when we went dress shopping at David's Bridal that they told the dresses wouldn't come in until February and my girls had their dresses by Christmas. I think they tend to tell you the last possible date that you could get the dress.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on February 10, 2020 at 9:37 AM
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Davids Bridal dresses come in quickly from my experience. One of my bridesmaids ordered her dress for my October wedding in January and it came within the month. They only have so much control over what they can and can't do. If they're involved in a ton of extracurriculars, they probably really are just busy. If you and your FMIL aren't on the greatest of terms, that's probably playing a big role in it all.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 10, 2020 at 10:29 AM
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This is literally exactly what my advice was going to be haha
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 10, 2020 at 10:42 AM
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Twinning lol.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 10, 2020 at 11:11 AM
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They are teenagers, this is normal behavior. I'd have your fiance tell his mom about the dress deadline, then have them all figure it out together. I'm sure the sisters are more than excited to be involved, but they are 16 and busy. Ignore his mom's negative opinions towards you.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 10, 2020 at 1:10 PM
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I agree with everyone else and would just let the kids be kids. You can't impose adult-level expectations on them. This sounds way more like issues with your FMIL. I would let your future spouse handle their mother as much as possible and try not to let her be involved in anything that doesn't actually require her attention.
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on February 10, 2020 at 1:57 PM
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I know they’re your sisters, but they’re children. The communication should be between you and the parent.
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Dedicated September 2021
Holly · on February 10, 2020 at 3:07 PM
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This was the first thought I had.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on February 10, 2020 at 7:15 PM
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Having raised a teenage daughter, unless they are very unusual, 16 and 11 year-olds aren't going to shop for/buy their own dresses, and not being sure about their overbooked schedules is completely typical. They are kids and, at best, will likely attend the RD and the wedding. I agree with others, FH needs to talk with his mom to get the relationship stuff between you all under control, and then one of you can work through his mom for the girls' dresses. If nothing else, give her the color/style info and leave it in her hands. If the girls don't have dresses, they can attend as guests. It sounds like you've given his mom the prewedding schedule, so if his family planned a trip, that was his parents' choice. Don't buy into the drama. Good luck!
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