Bridesmaids Dilemma

You can't force people to be friends, is there a reason the girls don't like the other girls?

Like JM said, nobody is going to be as excited about it as you are - I'm not having a big bridal party for this reason - to avoid drama. Honestly I know you don't want to remove anyone but you don't need to take attitude and abuse either.

Like others have said, no one will be as excited as you. The only thing a bridesmaid has to do is 1) show up sober to the wedding and 2) be dressed appropriately. That is it. I am a two time bride: first time I had four bridesmaids and headaches GALORE. Second time? My two college age sons....waaaaay easier. And please don't "remove" aka "fire someone" they are not hired help and you can ruin a friendship this way. My first time around I had a bridesmaid back out two weeks before and it was friendship ending, at least to me as I was so hurt.

You need to adjust your expectations. What you see in movies or on social media about bridal parties isn't how things happen in real life. As the other posters have said, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are. Your wedding is the most important thing in your life, not anyone else's. That doesn't mean they aren't happy or excited for you, it just means that they have their own lives and things going on that are important to them.

Expecting people who don't know each other to spend the next year bonding over being bridesmaids isn't reasonable or realistic. They don't need to be meeting for brunches, or even try on dresses together. This far out from the wedding there really isn't anything that the bridal party needs to do anyway. Forcing them to get together just for the sake of "togetherness" when they don't want or need to is just going to make everyone miserable for the next year.

Your bridesmaids don't need to be involved in your wedding planning. That's your and your future spouse's responsibility, and your wedding planner if you hire one. They aren't required to throw showers or bachelorette parties, which are completely optional. If someone chooses to plan those parties, great, but no one should feel pressured to. They only need to purchase a dress that was chosen within their budget and stand with you on your wedding day.

Basically what everyone else said. You can't force these girls to be friends and get along and they probably won't want to hang out with each other. I know my girls don't want to. Planning is on you and your future spouse, but is there a way you can ask them individually to help you get pumped for the wedding? Maybe one gets more excited about one thing, like decor and florals, while another gets excited about hair and nails. And you could individually ask them their opinions on what each of them seems most excited about. You have to remember, your wedding is a huge deal for you and taking up a lot of your time, but these girls are still living their lives as normal and are just in a wedding next year. They are still dealing with their normal lives and possibly have other things going on too.

I get that what's happening might not match with your vision/dream but forced friendship bonding events are the worst. They can love and support you and not be interested in planning stuff for your wedding or making friends with your FI's sisters/cousins/etc at girly brunches. Invite them to dress shop with you if you want to, and invite them to a brunch if you want to, but please do not be mad or upset if they can't (or choose not to) attend. It's find. You and your FI plan your wedding, you are honoring these women by asking them to be in your wedding, you dont' pick BM's so they can do things for you.

This isn't their journey. This is your journey with your FS, and no one else will be as excited, interested, or invested as the two of you. You are almost a year away from your wedding, so there is nothing for them to really even be doing this far in advance. Unfortunately, I think your expectations are unrealistic, so resetting your mindset will help a lot and make this experience a lot more enjoyable for you. If one or more express interest in your planning details, that's great! You know who is a possible soundboard. But you can't force that upon them, and certainly can't force friendships - they are your support system, not each other's.

100% this.

The good news about all of the issues you describe is that there's an easy fix: adjust your expectations. Once you understand and internalize that the details/events surrounding your wedding are most important to you and your future spouse and only varying degrees of importance to everyone else, it will be a lot easier for you to enjoy the process.