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Alforev
VIP August 2018

Bridesmaids After Wedding

Alforev, on June 23, 2019 at 8:22 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
I never thought after my wedding that I would need to keep coming on here for advice, but here I am! Has anyone experienced a situation where after your wedding your bridesmaids suddenly distance themselves from you? It’s been almost a year since my wedding and all three of my bridesmaids aren’t really my friends anymore. I was extremely cheap with my wedding, not wanting them to spend a lot of money because I didn’t want to make my friends struggle financially. I even helped them pay for their dresses and gave them many gifts throughout the planning process, including Swarovski earrings. My mother planned my bridal shower and gave them money to decorate so they literally had no stress financially with my wedding and I told them all I didn’t expect anything from them apart from being by my side.

My wedding came and passed. I work with two of my bridesmaids (we’re teachers) and the one immediately stopped talking to me. She told me last month that she had issues with our principal and just didn’t want to associate with me this entire year because I have my admin degree and think highly of our principal. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I tried to be understanding and say if I had known I absolutely would have supported her and been there for her. She said she knew before my wedding that this school year would be bad for her so she felt she just needed to “get through” my wedding and stop talking to me. Now she was rehired for another year so her issues have disappeared and she says all this to me and expects me to think it’s no big deal but I’m highly offended.

The other bridesmaid I work with struggles financially and often can’t afford her bills. When my husband and I were looking for a contractor to replace our roof on our home, she insisted I hire her boyfriend who is not a roofer because he would give me a good deal. I told her we needed a lot of work done and that we really need someone who is a roof specialist. She proceeded to describe how her own roof has a hole in it and her attic is growing black mold to the point where she’s afraid of her house being uninhabitable (they have a child as well) and she said that her boyfriend can’t afford to fix their roof because he needs to make more money so my husband and I should totally hire him. I told her no as nicely as I could and since then she’s majorly distanced herself and I’ve even caught her talking badly about me to other coworkers. Her and my other bridesmaid at work got very close so now they hang out all the time and give me dirty looks when we pass by each other. I feel like I’m in mean girls!

My third bridesmaid has been in an on and off relationship with a man who cheated on her continually for over two years. He told her he doesn’t want to commit to her, that he’s in love with the married woman he’s been cheating with, hoping she’ll leave her husband for him, and my friend is still very stuck on him. I found over the last few months she’s only talked to me about him and if she’s with him she won’t answer my texts. To make it worse she joined my husband and I for my husband’s friends birthday party where she gave me a hard time about not wearing sexy clothing to a bar with her and then she proceeded to take photos as if she was on a date with my husband for her instagram live feed. She also “forgot” her money and asked my husband to pay for her. I tried to confront her with all these issues and how they made me feel but she belittled it all. I had a VERY rough year and have had three surgeries related to fertility. I told her I was going through so much pain because I wanted to be pregnant and was having all these issues and just needed her to be a friend. She told me “how do you think I felt at your wedding when all I wanted was to be married?”

I can honestly say that none of these women acted this way prior to my wedding. If I had even a hint that they would act this way I never would have shared my day with them. I am literally in shock. After my third surgery, which was last week, not one of my bridesmaids asked if I was okay. I don’t feel I did anything to warrant how all three of them are acting toward me and talking to them seems to just make it worse. I am disappointed that now I have so many wedding pictures and memories with these women who are clearly not good friends. Has anyone gone through something similar?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on July 4, 2019 at 3:53 AM
  • M
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
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    I'm sorry you're going through all this, I know it must be tough. Sounds like they're all JEALOUS of you. I bet all three are miserable as H***! You don't need friends like that. Find you some new ones. You did nothing wrong.

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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    Thank you. That’s what my husband keeps saying and it’s just hard coming to terms with that because I felt so close to all of them before my wedding. It’s weird coming up to a year and feeling like so much has changed in that short time. My husband and I have an amazingly strong relationship, though. We’ve been together 12 years so far so I really don’t feel alone, just have a lack of girlfriends to talk to. I’m at the point where I’m between feeling bitter, angry, and hurt but know that as long as I have my husband and all our fur family (we have two dogs, two cats, and a bird lol) my heart will always be full.
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Hey there!
    I would say that they were fair weather friends at best.
    Sometimes we out grow friendships.

    I've been in four weddings. I was maid of honor in all of these. I am only in touch with one of the four, and not with a lack of effort on my part.

    Sometimes we are true friends to others and find out the hard way that it was a one sided friendship.

    I would just let it pass like water under a bridge. Just be pleasant and cordial when you see them and continue to live your life.
    Happiness, is the best revenge❤
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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    I love that saying, thank you. I know you’re right.
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Hugs to you! You'll see, it will work out for the best.
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  • Jennifer
    Super October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard to lose one friendship, let alone 3.

    It sounds like they can't stand seeing you be successful while they still struggle. As someome else said, I would be cordial with them and keep living your life.
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  • Lisa
    Super August 2018
    Lisa ·
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    So sorry you are going through this, but seeing that you’re trying to get pregnant, leave the negativity at the door, these ladies will just poison your life if you continue. I understand the feelings you are having. I had to get rid of my maid of honor 2 weeks before my wedding because of the toxicity. We had been friends for 20 years and as soon as I got engaged, she was okay about it. I figured that for our 20 year friendship, she was going through something and it would get back to normal...etc. etc. But it only got worse. Badmouthing me, my family and my fiancé before the wedding, lying to me, and I would catch her and she would still lie, down to her saying “I’m getting married just because I want to be married!” That was what broke the camel’s back. So after dismissing her, and therefore our friendship, I had to mourn it and get past it, which perhaps you need to do as well. Looking back on my pics and my video though, I don’t regret one thing I did. But I would definitely say allow yourself to mourn these lost friendships and move on. You don’t know what life has in store for you! Don’t let their negativity take form in you! You and your man want to have a family, they are in different places. Go be with your husband and enjoy what you have! You’ll find other friends! I am...not easy, but you will!
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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    My friend had the same type of situation where 2 of her BMs and her moh which was her sister completely stopped talking to her after her wedding. Makes you wonder why they would stand up with you if they know deep down they really aren't your friends? That's mind blowing. I don't have any friends that are friends when its convenient only. You deserve so much better on all 3 accounts. Sorry this happened. 😥
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  • Diana
    VIP December 2019
    Diana ·
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    I’m sorry to say this, but it sounds like your bridesmaids are very jealous or your newly married life. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this!!
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    I'm very sorry to hear about your friendships and fertility issues (I understand your pain.) I hope you're feeling better after surgery!

    As others have said- sometimes we outgrow friendships. This is especially true in 20s/30s when people are going through major life changes.
    My advice, as hard as I know it will be, is to mourn these relationships and move on. Making adult friendships is hard, I understand that all too well, too. Perhaps try double dates with your husband's friends? I also recommend girlfriendsocial.com !
    It's honestly platonic dating lol! I met my best friend on there, though. I've also met a lot of women and had it go nowhere but recently met a new very good friend there again so I know it CAN work.

    Fingers crossed for you on all accounts!! WW can be a great community and outlet!
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    This broke my heart! But I think you moved onto a healthier place in your life and they're jealous of that. Unfortunately some people want others to wallow in their misery with them and you can't help them with that. Just don't get tricked into wallowing!
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  • C
    Beginner October 2019
    Christine ·
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    Unfortunately, it sounds like your "friends" are in a very different place in their lives. It sucks that they were part of your intimate, once-in-a-lifetime event and now can't be bothered to be a decent friend in your daily life, but this just sounds like a simple case of people growing apart due to life's circumstances.

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