Bridesmaid

Is she dropping out of getting her hair professionally done, or refusing to wear her hair like you dictate? If the former, and you are paying the hair stylist for everyone, talk to her again and say this is your vision and you would like for her to be included. If not paying and FSIL just wants to wear her hair her own way, then let it be. Only you can decide if this is a family powerplay worth continuing.

Why do you want them all to wear their hair the same? Are you covering this expense , as you need to in this case?

I guess I have two questions. One were you making them all wear their hair the same way and if so were you paying for it? I can't imagine why you'd want your girls to have a specific hairstyle. They aren't clones so I can't see a valid reason to make them have the same hairstyle. But if for some reason that's what you are requesting then you should 100% be covering it. However even if you are covering I can understand why she might be upset about being told how to wear her hair. I wouldn't want anyone dictating how I wear my hair. I honestly think you are wrong for forcing anyone to wear their hair a specific hairstyle and I don't blame her for dropping out. I think you really need to reconsider you stance on this.

What is her issue with this specific hair style? Does she feel more comfortable in an up due or does she feel more comfortable with her hair down? Some are super picky with how they style their hair and products used. Without knowing what the specific issue is, I don't really have much advice.

View Quoted Comment Well that was the only thing I would like the girl to have the same everything else was all up to them. the only reason I wanted the girls to have there hair pulled back to she there natural beauty. That's it before making this decision I had a meeting with everybody to agree on hair style which she agreed on first but back out at the end.

View Quoted Comment Yes I am covering everything

View Quoted Comment Just my opinion but I don't think insisting on a certain look is worth your future sister-in-law dropping out of your wedding. You will have to see her presumably for holidays and other family functions. If that's truly the only reason she's dropping out then I would allow her to wear her hair however she wants.

View Quoted Comment To tell you the truth I really don't know if that's the real reason. It just why would you agree to it and then wait a month before my wedding to say you dropping out.

View Quoted Comment How did she tell you she was dropping out? Over the phone or in person?

It sounds like she might be dropping out for another/additional reasons then. You say you’re covering the cost of the hair styling, so that’s reasonable. There are definitely hair styles that don’t work on every hair texture, face shape, etc, but if it were me and the bride was trying to get me to wear an unflattering style, I would let her know and if she still insisted, I would politely remind her that this means I’ll look like a mess in all her expensive pictures, but I wouldn’t drop out. Dropping out one month before over a free hair styling is pretty extreme, so my guess is she’s unhappy about a lot of other things. Does your FH/her brother know what’s going on with her?

View Quoted Comment Nope but he pretty upset about the whole thing they don't get a long.

But I was excited about getting a sister inlaw. I have 5 sisters and adding one more to the bunch was cool to me.

View Quoted Comment By phone and a text

View Quoted Comment Since you haven't had a chance to discuss this with her in person, maybe suggest meeting up for coffee to talk. But if her and your fiance don't get along then maybe that's part of the issue. Maybe she doesn't really care to be in the wedding and that she felt obligated to participate, but now doesn't want to.

I agree with Veronica. I would meet up to discuss in person if she's willing.

Until then I would avoid reading into her behaviour, because you don't really know what the issue is fully.

From the information provided so far, it sounds like it’s more of a “her” thing than a “you” thing.


If you’re really wanting to talk to her about it and try to work it out, I agree with the others to ask her to meet in person about it. Maybe ask her to coffee/tea. During the meet up let her know that you will support whichever way she decides to go. That may help her feel more comfortable.

If she declines to meet and discuss, I would advise to let it be and don’t push. Some people are conflict-avoiders because they feel it protects them from getting hurt. Still show support and say “I’m still happy to have you at our wedding.” It’s easier said than done, but at that point, don’t take it personally because it was her own choice to drop out and her choice to not want to talk it out.

View Quoted Comment Thank you !

Sometimes ppl are just like that but yiu can speak with her or ask her brother your FH to speak with her and how were the hairstyles that she just up and quit begin in the wedding. I had some do the same way and I replaced her with someone else. I was way to far in the wedding planning process and 4 mos away from finalizing everything to deal with someone's begin difficult. I do hope that she changes her mind come around

Since she is a FSIL, it is best to ask if there is anything she would want to be done differently if she stayed as a bridesmaid. Also, let her know you accept her choice. This careful action is mainly needed since she will be part of the extended family and don't want something about the wedding event to divide you. If she remains distant after the wedding, that is just how people behave and cannot always be repaired. But if she just needed a little time to be friendly, then the goal is achieved.