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Just Said Yes October 2019

Bridesmaid Worries

Julie, on July 14, 2019 at 11:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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How involved were your bridesmaids in the months leading up to your wedding? I have 1 MOH and 3 other bridesmaids, and honestly the only one who has showed interest in helping has been my MOH. I know planning shouldn’t fall on the bridesmaids at all, but I’m a little sad that they haven’t reached out more and asked to be involved. I’ve hesitated on reaching out to them for help, because I don’t get to see them very much with all of our busy schedules, and I didn’t want to make all of our hangouts only about wedding stuff. We’re getting together for my bachelorette party 1 month before the wedding, so I’m excited for that, but can’t help but feel a little sad that my bridesmaids haven’t shown as much excitement in the pre-wedding stuff as I thought they would. Is this normal? How involved are/were your bridesmaids before the wedding?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on July 15, 2019 at 8:30 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I don’t talk about the wedding with my bridesmaids. We’ve discussed the absolute necessities like hair and makeup and dresses, that’s it. I’m 100000% fine with it and actually really happy to not have input or opinions from anyone else.
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  • Monique
    Master December 2019
    Monique ·
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    My bridesmaids are willing to help if needed but have really not been super involved in anything.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I have the same size bridal party as you. Two of my girls live in different states. I've vented to/ran ideas by my MOH, but haven't really discussed wedding stuff with my other bridesmaids at all outside of their attire. I know they care (they all put together a great bachelorette/bridal shower weekend where the two out of state bridesmaids came to town). If it's really bothering you, you can maybe bring it up. However, I think it's pretty normal for the bridal party to not be that heavily involved.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Mine have offered help but I totally feel ya in that they're def not as excited as I'd like but then again I think maybe I was just overly excited aha. No one is usually as excited as the bride.
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    My wedding is 11/2020 so far off and I'm planning to only have only my sister as MOH but we literally never talk about the wedding. Like Caytlyn, I'll be discussing hair, makeup, dress and nothing else. And just like Caytlyn I'm happy with that!
    "No one will be as excited for your wedding as you are." They're throwing you a bach party so they're already doing more than the minimum required (getting a dress and being there.) Not everyone is into the whole planning thing, or are just too busy, or maybe it really never occurred to them to offer.
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  • latasha
    VIP September 2019
    latasha ·
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    My bridesmaids have asked if I needed help but honestly I’d prefer to do things on my own. Most people aren’t going to be as excited for your wedding as you are (heard this on WW and it’s so true). I wouldn’t take it personally. Some people don’t like to feel like they are intruding, some people feel like they can’t help, some people may have a lot going on. As long as they show up on the day, with their dress and don’t cause drama lol
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    None. They asked questions about shoes and jewelry but that’s about it. They planned my shower with my mom.
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Not at all 😂 Haven't asked how it is going, do I need help with anything, nada.
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  • Kristen
    VIP June 2020
    Kristen ·
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    The saying is true - no one is as excited for your wedding as you. You also mentioned that your bridesmaids have very busy schedules, so they need time to themselves outside of work/school or whatever keeps them busy.

    While I have no expectation of it, my MOH and one of my bridesmaids have offered help. The other one hasn’t and truly I don’t mind because she’s very busy with a new job, new dog, and moving. Just because I am getting married doesn’t mean the focus of my friendships needs to change to be about the wedding
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  • Angerra
    VIP August 2019
    Angerra ·
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    My bridesmaids have definitely offered their help and check in every so often to see how everything's going. I haven't really needed their help with much because I'd prefer to take care of everything.
    I work with one of my bridesmaids so she's been the most involved only because she sits right across from me and lives closer lol. The other ladies are 2.5hrs away; where our wedding will be.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    My girls are excited and happy about the wedding but haven't offered help, but I don't expect it either. I also don't bring up my wedding unless they ask. The only exception is my MOH, but she just got married so I think she still has wedding stuff on her mind so it's easier for me to talk to her about wedding stuff and not feel like I am bugging her.

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  • Rica
    Dedicated September 2018
    Rica ·
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    I also had 4. Everyone was different. My MOH was super into it every step of the way. One was very helpful in certain parts. Another didn't necessarily offer up help, but she made herself available for every event ready to have a great time, and lended a hand as needed. The fourth was uninterested in all planning and pre-wedding events, but ended up running last-minute errands with me all night the day before the wedding.

    I myself have been a bridesmaid twice, and I found myself being somewhere in the middle. I'm not crafty, I wasn't the MOH so I didn't have an event to plan, and these particular brides just kind of had everything covered.

    My point is, everyone is different based on their own personalities and their relationship with the bride. And although your wedding seems right around the corner for you, 3 months seems like a while for anyone else.

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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    My girls are excited about the wedding, but aren’t really helping plan anything but the shower and bachelorette, which is all I want from them. I only really bounce ideas off my sisters (co-MOH) because they are both already married and can give ideas as to what worked and didn’t work for their weddings.
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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    My husband and I planned our own wedding. We didn't ask the bridal party for help on anything and we didn't expect them to offer help.

    My shower was 3 months away from the wedding so most of them helped my mom out a lot with that. My bachelorette was 2 months from the wedding, all of my bridesmaids helped plan and attended. After that was over, I just sent a few texts here and there about the rehearsal dinner, night before the wedding and morning of. Our wedding was at a hotel venue so everyone stayed with me the night before. Everyone was super supportive in the hotel room and kept the vibe light and fun. Honestly that's all I really wanted was to spend time with my best friends at the pre-wedding parties and the night before. I think that's what having bridesmaids is for, not them helping with DIY crafts for the wedding or asking the status of your wedding planning here and there.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Not super involved. I didn't want them to be, it's a lot of stress on a bridesmaid since they have their own lives going on. 6/9 of my bridesmaids went to my bachelorette, 3/9 went to my shower. My girls are all over the country. They've asked what they can help with but I always so I've got it since it's my wedding and my fiance and I should be doing the planning.

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  • L
    Devoted August 2020
    Lauren ·
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    My MOH has been so helpful and interested! Most of my other bridesmaids have been responsive to my questions and showed up to pick out their dresses (though one had an attitude but I shook it off). They all plan to meet up for a craft day when we get closer. Its whatever they have time for! As long as you aren't feeling like you've asked for support and no one is there for you ever, I would think they are being as involved as they need and want to be! Enjoy your planning!
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