Bridesmaid won't wear dress

Bonus for using taciturn.

But I would make a day of it and just go shopping with her so she's comfortable.

First off, you're a great friend. I'm sure her lack of motivation to either shop for another dress or go to the dress maker is because she's frustrated and doesn't feel beautiful. Keep being supportive, and let her know that you'll help her do whatever she needs to feel comfortable and beautiful because as you said, it wouldn't be the same without her.

It's wonderful you are showing so much concern for her feelings.

I find it interesting how bridesmaids are feeling more open to expressing their thoughts on the dresses. I've always just worn whatever was chosen even if the color, silhouette or anything else looked bad on me. Guess I've always thought that the bride was under enough stress without me adding to it.

FutureMrsCollins that's my BMs dress, too! I was just hopping on to say that I have all shapes in my party, and miraculously found one they all look stunning in! You have great taste

OP you are a wonderful friend for being patient with her and willing to work with her on this. Going dress shopping together will show her that you do care and want her to feel beautiful and comfortable, rather than being yet another crazed bride who would rather jeopardize their friendships over one day's attire!

My BMs are all different sizes - 0, 6, and 22. They're getting their dresses from eshakti.com. Each girl can have the dress made custom for her measurements, and it's pretty affordable. I don't care that the dresses aren't the same, just that each lady feels comfortable and fabulous.

Thanks to all commentors for your very helpful advice! I know my friend well enough to know that if she backs out of being a bridesmaid she will feel much worse on the actual day. She's worrying that if she wears a different dress to the others people will think it's because she's 'the fat bridesmaid' to use her own words. The thing is, out of the four of us girls who will be walking in together, she's easily the prettiest and I'm sure people will just think she looks beautiful. In hindsight I should have let the bridesmaids all choose dresses individually rather than as a group, but because my fiance picked a rather strange colour scheme there just don't seem to be many dresses around...But I feel much better about it after reading your advice and will let you know how it goes with the seamstress! Also thanks for recommending David's. I could perhaps offer to go halves on a similar dress

Check out Azazie.com it's amazing I promise and they'll have her size and a color you like

Yep, Azazie is great. I was going to go with them but my BMs were concerned about buying without trying on. My girls range from a size 2 through 26. They all got to choose their own style, but same color and fabric...and length

@Becky - it is really refreshing to see a bride that sincerely cares that all members of her BP are comfortable (both physically and emotionally) with what they are wearing.

Continue to reassure your BM that you want her to be a part of the BP no matter what she ends up wearing, and that it is important to you that she feels comfortable and confident. It sounds as if she is very self conscious, and in need of some extra emotional support (which you seem to be giving to her).

Is there something specific about the dress that she feels "doesn't do her any favors?" For example, her arms are exposed or too much cleavage?

I hope your visit to the dress maker eases her mind a little. Having something properly fitted can make all the difference in how it feels and looks.

My BM's are all wearing the same dress from DB. Amazingly it is a very forgiving fabric, and looks great on all of them. BM's are US sizes 30, 22, 16, and 14. One BM (size 22) was very self conscious of her upper back and arms so we ordered her a shawl to drape over her shoulders. This helped her feel more comfortable because she could choose to cover up (rather than expose) the parts of her body she was most self conscious about.

We should all remember that the people participating in the wedding will also be captured forever in the photos that preserve the memories of the day. Like the bride and groom they want to look and feel their best, and this will show in their smiles (or lack of smiles) through out the day and in the photos.

You should have her wear a scouser shell suit

You were all very right about it being mostly a self consciousness issue. When I saw her in the dress she had clearly been correct about it not doing her justice as it was not fitted enough to show off her waist. The seamstress nipped it in and took in the bust a bit so there was less cleavage. My bridesmaid was also conscious of her arms so I followed some of your suggestions and bought her a lovely burgundy shawl. I won't go as far as to say she was happy with how she looked, but was certainly much more comfortable and it was actually a lot of fun going to have the dress tailored together. There's also a lot to be said for feeling more confident when having your hair and make up done properly, which she will have on the day. I think we're both feeling much more relaxed now we know that she will be (fingers crossed!) walking up the aisle with me next month

I wish I had a pic of me in the dress I wore to my cousins wedding I'm a size 18 and have body issues. You my friend are an amazing friend for caring and trying to help your bridesmaid feel comfortable. I was the MOH at my cousins wedding and she let me pick my dress it was different from all the other girls and we thought the color would differ since we didn't see it in person. When the dress came in I loved it and the color was slightly off but not noticeably but I appreciate that my cousin tried to please me knowing I was the bigger girl from the group (I was at my heaviest for her wedding 220lbs) I'm now 195 ish I think but she never made me feel bad let me pick my dress and all and she honestly did not have to as I would have worn anything she chose for me as it was her day but it was truly appreciated. @Becky b your an amazing friend keep being supportive and I'm sure you will find something you both will be happy about. ETA: just read previous post and great for having a good day!! Hope it all works for the best

Oh I found a pic of the dress my cousin let me pick out. Sorry the girls just did not want to stay they like to say hi lol

You look fantastic! That's a beautiful colour. The style we have gone for actually is not dissimilar to this, except it is not strapless x

I also recommend Azazie and DB. When I was a 16/18, A Line and anything that drew attention to the smallest part of my waist fit me the best. Maybe check out those styles too?

It's very refreshing to see how much you care about her! Maybe you going shopping together or looking online together (Azazie let's you order the dress the try on, not sure if anyone mentioned that already) you can give her the moral support she may need to feel comfortable? I know when I shop for clothes, I always prefer to have a supportive friend with me, usually either FH or my Mom, because even if something looks great on me I always see myself as fat and ugly and unworthy to the clothes. Having them there to boost me up is probably the only way I get cute clothes lol.

Kudos to you for being such an awesome friend!

I'd say if she isn't willing to wear the dress you picked, or also isn't willing to find an alternative, she doesn't need to be in the wedding. I hate to sound harsh but you've got enough stress on your plate.

Wow @Charolette, I'd hate to see how you treat your enemies.

Thank you @Becky B I chose strapless only because I preferred it over straps.I could of easily added straps to the dress it did come with the option which was nice. From what you said though if your both feeling relaxed that's a great sign. Glad to see that you treated your BM as an actual person and not a prop just have heard so many crazy stories.

I was just going to suggest a shawl! At my largest, I was so unhappy with my arms. Maybe let the other ladies know they are welcome to wear shawls if they like, so her motivation isn't obvious.

You sound like a wonderful friend. She's lucky to know you.