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Just Said Yes August 2019

Bridesmaid won't wear dress

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Sydney, on February 25, 2019 at 4:28 PM

So I've always wanted my bridesmaids to match, but the closer I got to the wedding the more I thought about it. It isn't fair to ask all my friends to spend money on something they don't like and/or is not flattering on them! So I picked a company and a color and told all my girls to pick a few and send them to me so I could make sure they were at least complimentary styles. Surprise! 3 of the 4 pick the same exact dress and variations that were incredibly similar. The 4th picked something very different which is about as modest as one could go. Which I understand from her, knowing her all these years. So I wanted to please the majority and asked if she would consider the one that all the girls picked and she said she would be uncomfortable. Again, I understood and I played around with the other choices and tried to make them all look good together but the 4th dress always stood out. We're talking strapless or spaghetti strap vs high collar, back, and shoulders covered. I just can't make it work and I don't want to ask 3 of them to change. So I told her that unfortunately I'd be picking the popular dress and she said she'd either get alterations to raise the neckline, change the straps and cover the back or she would bow out of my wedding. So basically alterations are pointless for what I'm trying to achieve here. I don't want to feel like I'm picking a dress over my friend and I don't want to pick one friends comfort over three. What do I do? Let her bow out? Can I find some other role for her in my wedding party so she still feels honored without having to stand with me and the other girls? I feel terrible about all this.

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23 Comments

Savvy March 2021
Gaby · on February 24, 2021 at 11:52 AM
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I have a totally different opinion on this... I do think that 4th girl is not being cool. It's about the bride. You can also say that that girl is risking her friendship by putting her comfort over her friendship. Because clearly the bride is also not comfortable with having 3 bridesmaids that match and 1 that doesn't. I mean, if I were spending so much money on photography, I'd want it right too.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 24, 2021 at 12:40 PM
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I agree with this. Wearing a dress and standing up for the bride doesn't mean being uncomfortable in said dress just to fit a certain look. Which is why many allow them to pick an individual style they like.
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Just Said Yes September 2022
Deedee · on April 27, 2022 at 1:15 PM
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This is your wedding and pictures you have to look at for the rest of your life. I’m dealing with the same issue with some of my bridesmaids. I think the context we are missing here is how you think she will look in the dress. But at the end of the day this is your day. Not hers. This is the one day you should be able to get what you want. And she is not respecting that or you and your wedding day. Traditionally they get no say, and you gave them more freedom. And unfortunately that makes for bridesmaidzillas. I’m dealing with the same thing. I chose all of my bridesmaid colors and picked the color that I thought looked best on them(jewel tone). Some are really upset because they wanted colors that were not an option. I also chose the satin fabric because I love how it looks on everyone. But everyone can choose their own dress so long as I approve the look. And now I had to fire a maid of hour because she insists on having her dress very very low cut which I find very inappropriate. Plus I made a point of telling them whatever dress they chose should be modest. Knowing this friend she loves attention and goes out of her way to steal attention from people. And I’m not letting it happen. You have to consider this friend and their personality as well. Are they one to be stubborn and only consider themselves on a regular basis or are they just very self conscious? Because your wedding day needs to be different. But at the end of your day it’s one day. She can be uncomfortable for a single day. The difference between you and I, I think is that I want everyone to look and feel comfortable. But people seem to be caring more about what they want to look like rather than what I want.
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