Jessica
Just Said Yes May 2020

Bridesmaid won't buy her dress and the window of opportunity is closing. Sos!

Jessica, on December 1, 2019 at 10:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 51
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I've had a long engagement-- we've been engaged for over 2 years. My bridesmaids accepted their roles a month after I was engaged. So they've been "bridesmaids" for almost 2 years. It took me awhile to plan our May 2020 wedding with a lot of bumps on the road.
In May of this year, I set a date for all of my bridesmaids to go to David's Bridal to choose their dresses. They're all to choose their own dress in the color Dusty Sage. Unfortunately, a lot of the bridesmaids had things pop up last minute, so we rescheduled for August. I told the bridesmaids to have their dresses ordered absolutely no later than September 1st. Which most of them did.

One of my bridesmaids, who happens to be my best and closest friend, is being a little (a lot) problematic. When we went to David's Bridal in August, she was the only bridesmaid that wasn't there. And to make matters worse, she had slept over my house the night before. She was literally with me THAT morning. And she didn't go because she was too hungover. Whatever, I begrudgingly let it slide. I just reminded her that the dress needs to be purchased by September as it takes months and months for dresses to come in.
She never purchased her dress. I have followed up with her time and time again. She gets emotional and claims she is just having trouble getting the money and promising she'll go to David's Bridal that weekend, and never does. Here's where I'm getting agitated... I have seen her spend her money on concerts, conventions, and liquor. I hear her talk about how she pours money into a game app on her phone. I've seen her just generally spending money on all these different things. And it's really frustrating for me to see her piss her money away when her bridesmaid dress still hasn't been purchased. She just resorts to tears when she's asked about it or offered solutions or budgeting assistance. She lives with her parents still, so she's not paying rent or utilities. She does pay her parents' phone bill as well as her own, and has car payments and student loans. But half of her monthly income I can't even allocate where the hell it's going. I don't understand how she has no money?! I have even given her some reward money I've won from a contest but she can't buy a stupid dress???We're pretty much at the end of the line and she's about to miss her window of opportunity to buy the dress. Because David's Bridal is currently estimating bridesmaid dresses to be shipped in around late March and my wedding is in May. I don't know what to do. I've texted her so many times. And just this morning, I've texted her and told her QuadPay could be a great option for her so she can make the purchase now and pay over the next 2 months without interest. But of course she isn't texting me back. And if she does, she'll just tell me how stressed she is about money, but how she PROMISES she'll go this weekend. But she won't, I'd stake my life on that.I'm not a confronational person and I hate putting my foot down with things. Especially with her as she doesn't take any criticism on any level very well. I can't imagine my best friend not standing up there with me as a bridesmaid. But we're almost at that point and this would definitely be damaging to our relationship. She's been completely irresponsible and I've seen repeatedly where her priorities are and it sure as hell isn't this wedding. I don't even want this wedding to be the center of anyone's universe, but she isn't even trying at all whatsoever and it's honestly a slap to the face. As a bride, I have other things I should be worried about and a half-ass bridesmaid shouldn't be one of them. Okay sorry, rant over. I just expected so much more from my best friend. She's not even meeting the bare minimum expectations and honestly it's starting to ruin this experience for me. I cant afford to front the money for a dress for her and wouldn't trust her to pay me back if I did. I also don't want her to not be in my wedding so I'm really torn on what to do here. Any advice you guys have would be so appreciated!

51 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    My advice would be to let it go. You can’t force adults to do things they don’t want to do. She knows what she’s supposed to do. She’ll either get the dress on time or she won’t and if she doesn’t, she can be a guest. That’ll be on her.
    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately what she chooses to spend her money on isn't up to you. I get that it's frustrating to see her doing all these things when she could cut one simple thing and maybe afford the dress, but ultimately it's her choice.
    I'd let her know frankly that if she doesnt have the dress by X date, then she won't have a dress and can attend the wedding as a guest. Like PP said, you cant force adults to do anything they dont want to do and it sounds like she has a million excuses.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    You don’t get to choose what she spends her money on. You need to stop worrying about it. She has the information and the deadline, she will either have the dress on the wedding day and stand as your bridesmaid or she won’t have the dress and can sit as a guest. You’ve done all you can do.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the previous posters..and.have nothing left to add except that I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Super October 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I agree with what others have said. On a side note I get she's your best friend but I feel if she drops the ball on this (and based on how you have described how she can be) maybe you do re-evaluate the friendship if she does not do her part and ultimately has to be a guest. Like the others have said there is nothing you can do and you cannot tell her how to spend her money and if she chooses to not make you, her best friend, and your wedding a priority then that to me shows how much she really values your friendship. She is not the MOH who IMO has a bigger role which is good; it sounds like so if she does not have her stuff then she will need to be a guest. I would not say anything else because you have already asked her and now it is on her. If she does not have it on time then just say that you understand that she had money issues but since she did not get it in time that you would like her to still attend as a guest. If she gets mad about it then as much as it will hurt then you know where your friendship stands. You should focus on other matters because wedding planning is stressful. Good luck and I hope it all works out.

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  • V
    Dedicated August 2020
    Valerie ·
    • Flag
    Let her go as a bridesmaid. Tell her she has to step down because you don’t have time to be babysitting her. She’s a grown woman for crying out loud! Her poor money choices are on her but if it’s as bad as you say she’s unreliable.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Super September 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag
    I would just tell her that as much as you would love for to be a bridesmaid and be apart of your special day that she clearly is to busy for that role you've kindly given her and you will have to cut her of her duties and she can be part of your wedding as your guest.
    tenor.gif

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  • Sexypoodle
    VIP October 2020
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Nothing to really be torn about.... she didn’t get her dress. That speaks volumes enough for me. She took herself out of the wedding by her own doing and choice. You can’t force her, soooo... keep planning with her as a guest. The show will go on.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Super October 2020
    Kristen ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    LOL You and these GIFs have me rolling all the time! LOL. Side note I kind of agree with the last three ladies. She kind of made the decision for you.

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  • J
    Dedicated February 2020
    Juli Online ·
    • Flag
    Lol girl I was on the same boat but with my maid of honor. Actually basically my whole bridal party haven’t been the best of the best. Kinda ruined the experience for me, but I have learned to let it go. I realized that stressing over that takes away the fun for it. I also had to ask myself what the whole purpose of this wedding was and it’s the sole purpose of marrying my best friend. I hope things get better for you. You just have to ask yourself if it’s worth losing a friendship :/
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I would just make it clear that she needs the dress in order to be in the wedding. For my early June wedding I had a bridesmaid order a dress at the end of December and it came in with plenty of time. Don’t let this be your problem. It’s hers.
    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Devoted August 2018
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    Her gaming, drinking and partying seems to suggest your friend may be depressed or experiencing anxiety. Maybe the wedding (or facing the fact her best friend is moving on) is too much for her.
    • Reply
  • Watts
    Super March 2020
    Watts ·
    • Flag
    I'm struggling with a similar issue with all 3 of my girls. I get married in March and they need their dresses by end of February for any alterations. They've known for 6 months that they need to buy a dress but haven't saved up for it. It's a custom dress, but affordable ($120-150). Not one has ordered 😬. Several are saying they want to lose weight before ordering but just now started the weight loss process. It's looking like he'll have 3 groomsmen up there and I'll have 0 bridesmaids. 🤷‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I agree. I would check up on your friend first and foremost. There might be things happening behind the scenes you don't know about. I wouldn't kick her out the bridal party. Just kindly let her know that without the correct dress, she'll unfortunately have to attend as a guest. Please make sure she's okay!

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  • M
    Super September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    It may be time to ask her to be a guest.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allison ·
    • Flag
    I paid for my best friends dress because i knew this would happen and didnt want to deal with it. My color is also DB dusty sage for a May wedding Smiley smile.


    Your options are 1) pay for her dress 2) give her a date to buy her dress by or shes not in the wedding.
    Both depend on if you can swing her dress financially.
    • Reply
  • Smwashington
    Just Said Yes January 2021
    Smwashington ·
    • Flag
    I'm paying for my best friend's dress as well. It sounds like she doesn't want to be in our wedding. This is her way of letting you know physically versus her telling you to your face. Honestly talk with her one on ine to see where her head is. Remind her of the responsibilities of her role and let her know if she can't do her due diligence then she's out. This is your important day and support is needed. Please let us know how everything goes. Congratulations!!!
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    Honestly DB told me to have my bridesmaids order their dresses super early too, but they all came in way earlier than expected. Like with two weeks for most of the styles so don’t worry. Two girls ordered their dresses two moths before my wedding and they were perfectly fine. I know you want everyone to be prepared, but planning a wedding is stressful enough—don’t make it harder on yourself by worrying about what she’s doing with her finances. At the end of the day it sounds like she knows she needs to get the dress to stand up there with you. That’s all there is to it. Hopefully she gets the dress, but if not don’t let this come between your friendship with her.
    • Reply
  • Santhia
    Just Said Yes November 2020
    Santhia ·
    • Flag
    Don’t worry about it. If she wants to be a bridesmaid then she’ll buy the dress, if she doesn’t buy it she’ll be a guest. Let her choose. Do not, I repeat do not pay for her dress. She’s your friend, her actions will speak louder then her words. Be mad, upset, and vent when you need to, we’ll be here.
    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I had a bridesmaid do something similar and just told myself “no dress, no wedding.” If you don’t have it that week you can sit in the audience.
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