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Savvy October 2021

Bridesmaid woes

Jadine, on August 26, 2019 at 7:10 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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One of my close friends just called me to tell me that she's still "really hurt" that she's not a bridesmaid in my wedding. We discussed this months ago when I was first engaged. My fiance doesn't have many friends so we decided to only do 4 people each and I picked 2 cousins, my godsons mom (12 years of friendship), and my best friend of about 18 years who is basically family. I explained that it wasn't personal months ago and that if I were putting more people in the wedding she would have obviously been one if them. She went on to tell me that "people are telling me it's messed up that I'm not in your wedding, especially since you were in mine. Why would you agree to be in mine if I'm not important enough to be in yours??" (Her wedding was 3 years ago, mine is next year). Mind you MY SISTER is not in my wedding nor is my cousin who's wedding I was in a couple years ago. I feel like she's entitled to be disappointed but I think it's unfair to continue to bring this up to me. Thoughts?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Maria, on August 28, 2019 at 9:58 AM

Master October 2019
Laura · on August 26, 2019 at 7:16 PM
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I think she is being a bit immature. You don't have to have someone in your wedding just because you were in theirs. You explained to her your reasons why, and they were valid reasons. She was aware but because "people" are saying things she's being a bit selfish. I can understand why she may be a bit sad sure, but it's not like you didn't explain to her why. You did what you could. I don't think you did anything wrong, and you have nothing to apologize for. It is unfair to continue to bring it up.
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Super July 2020
D · on August 26, 2019 at 7:52 PM
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I think her feelings are still raw. She may not FEEL heard. Or it could be she needed to get it off het chest again so she can move on from it. You didn't do anything wrong but she's hurt. Maybe ask her what you can do to help make her feel better (other than being a bridesmaid). Even though you said it wasn't personal, it is to her.
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Lady · on August 26, 2019 at 8:31 PM
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She is overreacting. HOWEVER, you should pick your bridal party based on who your nearest and dearest friends and family are - regardless of how many people your FI wanted. Uneven numbers are not a big deal.
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on August 27, 2019 at 1:44 PM
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There is no tit for tat when it comes to wedding parties. I have never understood that concept. If she can't understand that you are having a small wedding party but you are looking forward to celebrating with her at the reception, then she is the one in the wrong here. Of course she wants to feel important, we all do, but you can still keep her involved with any pre-wedding events if you have them. Hopefully she will stop listening to other people and listen to your very valid reasons.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on August 27, 2019 at 2:06 PM
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I think its inappropriate for her to bring it up twice. I think it was a mature/healthy of her to discuss it months ago when she found out. That way you knew how she was feeling and could be sensitive towards that.

But to bring it up again is immature. She needs to get over it. Your wedding/marriage is not about her.
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Beginner February 2020
Marcella · on August 27, 2019 at 3:51 PM
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The way I see it-
IT! IS! YOUR! DAY! NOT! HERS!
I'm going through something similar with one of my friends,and she is being just as immature. If you want even numbers with your FH, then do it. If you're okay with odd numbers, then do it. Bottom line is that this day is about YOU and HIM, nobody else.
People will be petty, but don't let it ruin your day! I've wasted too much time stressing out about worrying what everyone will think/how everyone will feel about my wedding. Please don't do the same
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 27, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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It's kind of inappropriate to say that just because you were in hers means she has to be in yours automatically. I can see her hurt from it because she probably thought you were so close it would be given but that's just not always the case.
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Savvy October 2021
Jadine · on August 28, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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Thanks for the feedback everyone, we "resolved" things so I'm hoping we can move past this. And as I said previously I can understand her disappointment, but at the end of the day it's the decision that I made. I told her from the beginning that I still wanted her to be involved in a different capacity but now I worry that she will feel like any other thing I ask her to do will be out of pity/guilt.
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Savvy October 2021
Jadine · on August 28, 2019 at 9:28 AM
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Having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is important to my fiance and I. Our wedding is about us and if he's uncomfortable about me having more people than he has I want to respect that. He didnt have many people to choose from for his side to begin with and I never wanted a large bridal party anyway. My family is MUCH bigger and we are getting married in my home state (where we both live) and his family will have to travel for the wedding and I will likely have many more guests than he will.
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Dedicated September 2019
Maria · on August 28, 2019 at 9:58 AM
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I am in the same situation! I met a "friend" in college but she became very toxic and I no longer wanted to be close to her. I slowly distanced myself from her and she noticed and when she found out she wanted invited to my bridal shower last Saturday she made me feel like the lowest person ever and said I should have been your maid of honor not your sister etc., just dumb stuff... I really do not even want her at my wedding now but I have to be nice I feel. I would tell her that you did not want to hurt anyone, but this is YOUR wedding and YOUR big day, and you did what you felt was right.
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