Hi, I am in need of some help. One of my bridesmaids is making me compromise more than she is willing to. I changed the style of the shoe we will all wear because she said she would absolutely not wear the shoes I wanted because she doesn't like them. Also, said it does not matter what shoe we wear we will be in a long dress. So now I compromised and am giving 6 options of shoes, all different price range and included the shoe style she prefers.
Now we are having dress issues... I am letting everyone pick their own dress from David Bridal, a long, juniper Chiffon dress. This BM went on her own to try on a dress and showed it to me. She wanted a dress that has lace on it. I said directly to her that I would like to see it on her so I can decide because I am not sure the lace look fits what I am wanting. I go shopping with her to try dresses on. She only tries 4 on, is very rude to the stylist, will not let her size her and decides she is done. Also did not put the lace dress on. When we are leaving she finally tells me one dress was nice. I asked if she was still thinking about the lace dress and she said no. She then goes shopping next weekend with my sister (BM)...acts the same way. The following week we have made plans to go to two davids bridals with my other BMs. She cancels on us very last minute for both appointments. After the appointment I texted her saying, "I understand you couldn't make it today, we still have time to go shopping. We can go this week together.... Also, I am going to tell all the BM this but I don't want anyone to get the type of dress with lace on it. I think it will stick out too much with all the other dresses for the look I am wanting. More flow, no lace."
She write back "welp, wish you would have said that sooner." Turns out she went behind my back and bought the lace top dress two weeks ago without telling me and still went dress shopping even after buying the dress. Then I tell her I would like to sit down with her in person the next day.
This is where things get bad. I explain to her how I am not feeling supported and how I already had to compromise on the shoes and I really do not want to compromise on the dress and it upsets me that she lied to me. I ask if she will exchange the dress, (you can do this at davids bridal at no extra cost). My BM response.. "this is the only dress I will wear, this is my money I am spending and I LOVE this dress. I will not change it." She also says... "it's just a dress everyone is still going to be looking at you, you shouldn't care what dress I am wearing when I am spending my own money." After this I was very upset and said I needed time to think.
Before I asked her to be my BM I explained how much a dress, shoes and alterations would cost. My MOH also had a conversation with her too and my BM agreed to being in the wedding. I even offered to help pay for the dress if she needed it. She also just last month told me how excited she was and that she has saved so much money already.
As a bride, I am not feeling supported and I am feeling like nothing will make her happy. She has not had fun with any of the things we have done together so far as a bridal group. She is not going to the bachelorette trip (which I understand because of money). When I asked if she would like to plan something for us to do in town for a little bachelorette celebration night she said no I don't want to do that. I said ok...
I have been friend's with her for over 10 years, we knew each other since HS and were roommates in college. She is also my and my fiancé's roommate for the last 3 years. She needed a place to stay and we had just moved into our house together so we offered her a room. She knows after the wedding she will need to move out. We have been upfront about that.
I am at the point where I can either let her wear the dress (which I am very upset about) or ask if she will just come as a guest. I am worried if I let her wear the dress there will just be another issue that comes up. I am trying to be accommodating and understanding but she is not willing to compromise at all. I also wish she never lied to me.
At this point I feel like she is wanting me to kick her out of the wedding party.
