Bridesmaid who doesn't feel comfortable with dress selection

Did you know the store didn't sell dresses in her size before you recommended that store? If so it sounds like a different store should have been selected. I know when I went dress shopping with my bridesmaids, my sister had a difficult time because we went to smaller places that didn't have many options for plus size women. I didn't realize that until we were in the store. I know my sister was discouraged. We ended up going to David's Bridal because they had more options for women of all shapes and sizes. If it were me, I would pick a different store that sells dresses in all sizes rather than just 12 and below.

View Quoted Comment I did not, which was an oversight on my part. They do sell sizes north of 12, but just did not have the sizes available on rack. The sister store we were referred to does though.

I wouldn't even look at a dress if it didn't come in sizes 0-30. My bridesmaids are sizes 6-22ish.



If I were you, I'd go to the other store and see what sizes they do have. There is absolutely no point in her wasting her time and being embarrassed if the store cannot accommodate her.

Asking that you tweak your vision so that she can find a dress that fits her is not selfish. She doesn't want to be naked, stick out, or look like an exploded can of biscuits. She's got some realistic expectations.

View Quoted Comment Then I would recommend going to the sister store. You don't want to make her uncomfortable or it impossible to find a dress.

I wouldn’t make any changes yet. Take her to the other store wear they have bigger sizes and I’m sure she will be happier.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate the advice, Veronica.

I think she should try on the styles in the sister store and then order from the original store. Not difficult to do. I’d give her a break and let her emotions die down a bit. Lots of brides even have to try on smaller sizes and buy on a hope! So I think a BM could accommodate you here.

Since it sounds like the realissue is the store, not actually anything to do with the dresses themselves (except of course the discouragement of trying on ill-sized ones), I’d apologize for the oversight in the store you chose and offer a re-do at a better store just the two of you and make a girls day out of it, shopping and lunch, or nails or something — just keeping th a whole day low pressure and pairing something fun with it.


There’s probably some current bias against the dress parameters if she saw them look great on other girls and ill-fitting on her— but of course her look didn’t compare if it wasn’t sized right. You could offer to explore some other options on re-do day as long as she’s willing to also try some that will fit your requests. Once she gets in them, help her see how great I’m sure she’ll look!
Do DEFINITELY make sure the other store has adequate options first though! Like...2 options in her size won’t cut it. Worth a call before anything else.

As a plus sized person I feel so bad for her. Sometimes it just sucks to be plus sized and not have appropriate options to try on, or not have clothing that is made specifically for your body type. I specifically made my wedding dress appt at a plus sized store because I didn't want to go anywhere that would stuff me into a size that was way off and being asked to imagine what it would look like. She must have felt awful to have been put into a dress that was not even going to fit her. I think you can have another go at it, but let her feel her feelings. I think you can get most of what you want, but cut her some slack if this store can't give her what she needs with this particular brand. She is going to be your SIL, a little kindness and grace will go a long way.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with a lot of this!! I actually only scheduled my bridal fitting at David's because I was too scared to go into any of the other "fancy" shops in my city. I first scheduled an appointment at one that had high ratings, but they didn't mention the sizes they carried on their website and I was frightened I'd arrive and be embarrassingly shoved into something small and end up looking like an overstuffed sausage in front of skinnier brides. I ended up canceling that appointment right away. Another store I went to I was just researching veils for a reasonable price and casually mentioned that I might need a dress and they did tell me outright they wouldn't have anything on the rack in my size. I'm really not even that big, so I was shocked, but not heartbroken. It really is discouraging to go shopping with friends and the stores they frequent don't carry my size. Or worse, if we go somewhere and we're all shopping together, but they put the plus size section in a back corner far away from all the straight sizes, and I have to shop alone while the other ladies are together "oohing and aahing" over clothes. Boy, that's a lonely feeling! If I left the house feeling great about myself that day, I would usually go home feeling deflated.

To the OP - I agree with McSkipper that you should make a day of it, just the two of you, to go to the sister store and have lunch or go get pedicures or something. She'll feel like you care, like you're listening, and like you understand her predicament. And she may not be as embarrassed with you by her side.

I would take her to David's Bridal! They have a much better selection of fabrics, styles and silhouettes than they did a few years ago! Some of my bridesmaids needed bigger sizes and we had no problem finding a dress that all of my bridesmaids loved (and they all look amazing in it!)

I would say maybe stick to fabric and color/color palette. Let her go to a store she is comfortable with then you approve of the dress. She will need to find a dress soon given your wedding is in July

So I will say as a plus size lady, we can tell if a style is going to be an issue. I don't know what your dress looks like, but it's possible that it does not fit her body type. In that case she's not wrong for asking for a different dress. Nobody wants to be embarrassed.

I think that she's of course right to be discouraged, but inevitably you're being fairly open about this (a lot of brides insist the same dress be worn by all bridesmaids, regardless). I think she can humor you and go to the sister store and try the other stuff on.

I'm a size 10/12 (which my fashion industry standards is plus-sized) and I did have this issue a little with dresses in one wedding, and we just tried on different things until it worked.

I agree with PPs saying take her to the sister store first.

I’m a plus girl (size 20) and I would die if you tried to jam me in a dress especially if it was satin shiny ill fitting UGH. I went to boutiques that carried all sorts of sizes and you should be able to find a designer that has options for all sizes. I know what I look good in versus not. I wouldn’t want to be excluded and sent to sister store. I’d probably regret saying yes.

I’d take her to the sister store so she can try on the dress in her size. If she refuses or doesn’t want to wear a dress from the selection you’ve chosen, then she doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid.