Bridesmaid trying to back out 5 months before my wedding. Frustrated, sad and a bit angry.

Though I completely understand your frustration, ones financial situation could change significantly within a years time. She could have been embarrased to say she can't afford it, too. Just a thought.

Don't be mad. Don't take it personally… sometimes the excitement of being a bridesmaid in your friends wedding can cloud the reality of the responsibility. Being a bridesmaid is expensive! She's still your friend. Instead of holding onto the gut reaction of anger, maybe try empathizing with her situation. If she can't afford it, she can't afford it. If it's really important for you to have her in the wedding party can you help her out financially? Donate to her dress, or find some airline miles to help fund the flight? Be friends.

Oh no :-/ I agree with Kimberly, I'm sure she was very excited and thought she would "afford it no matter what!" but then reality set in :-/

BTW, hello fellow Minn-eh-sotan!

Is she married? She might not have realized how expensive it can be to be in someone's wedding. Its not just travel costs, but hotel, dress, gift, hair, makeup, etc. Its a LOT and maybe she didn't see that coming?

My advice is don't let this ruin your friendship! If this makes your bridal party uneven, that's TOTALLY ok! Just have one girl walk out with a guy on each arm and your problem is gone.

I'm trying to not be annoyed but it's so hard. Because she has not tried to contact me at all for like 7 months, and she did not come to my bridal shower and i gave her plenty of notice, and the few times we talked she kept telling me she wants to talk about how much its going to cost for her to plan on it, but then she never contacts me and then she ignores all my messages and then just decides to say oh I don't think I can. I would've much preferred a straight forward I am not able to do it anymore I'm really sorry. I think the think that bothered me the most is the beating around the bush thing that she has been doing.

I agree with both of the ladies above. One's financial situation can change from month to month. Maybe she hoped that she would be able to save the money somehow before the wedding, but has had to accept that she just can't do it. It can be really difficult to tell a friend who you really love that you can't stand up with them at her wedding. Try not to be angry with her or to hold a grudge against her. She may already be angry/disappointed in herself as it is.

I also agree with Kimberly. It sounds like you asked about a year and half before the wedding. A lot can change during that time and now that it's probably getting to the time where she has to start paying for stuff reality is setting in. it's one of the reasons many people suggest waiting until it's a bit closer to the date before selecting a bridal party.

Christina, I'm sure she was scared, maybe even embarrassed and thought up until now she could make it work. At least she finally worked up the courage to tell you. It's NOT the end of the world and this is NOT going to destroy your wedding......and you you most certainly should not let it destroy your friendship. Just thank her for letting you know, tell her she is welcome as a guest, and drop it.

That's what i'm afraid of to. I don't want it to ruin our friendship, and I don't want her to think it will either. I've been trying to contact her since the text she sent me but she hasn't answered.. I totally understand that financial circumstances can change, I was just momentarily frustrated because of the lack of communication. Thank you all for putting logic into my emotionally filled brain atm. I really do appreciate it.

Wonderful things happen when you slow down, gather your thoughts and realize, "this is not the end of the world". I'm glad we could help :-)

Yeh, i'm just hoping that she decides to answer so we can talk this out

I hope so too. Just keep trying, she'll come around.

Happened to me couple months ago and things do change but I agree in the sense that you shouldnt be ignored.. To be honest, I'm not super close to the BM that backed out of mine-her boyfriend was also in it and FH and him arent that close anymore either. Not because of us.. guess it just happened. As far as I'm concerned, if I commit to something, I try my damndest to do it and if something changes where I cannot fulfill my promise then I do anything to make it up to that person.. I wouldnt be mad at her or ruin a friendship but if it's like my situation at all it kinda automatically does.. good luck!

I realize this thread happened years ago but I am in the situation of the bridesmaid- I originally agreed to be in a wedding. At the time my husband and I did have enough for me to go, but situations changed and I simply can’t afford it. I feel terrible!! I’m planning on doing what I can to help in other ways. I know that doesn’t make up for backing out of a commitment, but I want to try to make up as much as I can.