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Destiny
Beginner October 2020

Bridesmaid troubles

Destiny, on June 29, 2020 at 8:28 PM Posted in Planning 0 23
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Has anyone else had difficult bridesmaids? My grooms sister was the first person I asked to be a bridesmaid and I made a cute proposal box including a $40 robe. She was so excited and happily accepted only to back out a month or so later claiming she didn’t feel like she fit in well enough with the other bridesmaids. I was very sad and started thinking about what if the others did the same thing to me. I ended up asking a coworker who I’m very close with to take her place and I’m so glad I did! She has been wonderful so far. Then I got more bad news... my matron of honor and flower girl will not be coming home for me bridal shower/bachelorette weekend and also her husband (a groomsmen as well) will not be here at all for the wedding due to the Covid virus. She says she will be here for the wedding but I worry she will not make it as they have missed many important events they promised to be here for. I decided to promote a bridesmaid to maid of honor and pick a new flower girl as well. This seemed to upset my matron of honor as she says they will be here for the wedding. I told her if she makes it home she can still be the matron of honor but she will share the title and there will be two flower girls. I am hoping nothing else goes wrong before the wedding! Has anyone else had similar experiences?

23 Comments

  • Alisa
    Dedicated August 2020
    Alisa ·
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    I haven't, but i think you are right to have a back up plan especially not knowing how things may change as your wedding date approaches

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Yeah I had some problems
    One of my bridesmaid felt she wasn’t getting along with the other three girls. She felt excluded and looked over.

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I made it a point for all my bridesmaids and MOH to do the least amount possible for my wedding. My maid of honor insists we go out for a bachelorette party to the casinoBut I told her that if she wants it can just be me and her because things like showers and bachelorette parties get very expensive and I just would never want to put that on the people that I’m fortunate enough to have in my bridal party. Plus a lot of them have much different personalities from each other and I don’t see them getting along at all to be quite honest so that’s why I think I’m just going to keep my bridal party strictly for the day of the wedding and not have them do any extras. I personally am skipping out on a shower as well because I’ve been with my FH for almost years and We already have everything we need. I understand that’s not the case for everyone and I am not against others having showers at all, but people do flake out and I think sometimes a lot of it is because they don’t realize the full responsibilities that they may have to have when they initially say yes.
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Almost 10 years*
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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I had a bridesmaid happily accept and then throw a tantrum because she wasn’t maid of honor. She ended up not coming. My brother in law who was a groomsman decided to play PlayStation all weekend and skip our wedding (he had made up an excuse but the play history said it all). Another groomsman ghosted my husband. As for the shower and bachelorette, only my moh was there. The others weren’t able to travel extra and I completely understood.
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  • Ashley
    Savvy September 2020
    Ashley ·
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    For me it's been very hard to get everyone in the same boat for my bachelorette party (I have 5 bridesmaids) but it's more because Covid restrictions got in the way than because anyone was being difficult. I finally just decided on a date and where to go and said whoever can make it can make it. I also have a bridesmaid that can't make it to the Bachelorette or the shower, which completely sucks but I also very much understand. 🤷‍♀️ these things can get pricey.
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  • Tabitha
    Dedicated October 2020
    Tabitha ·
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    Saturday I was at the point in removing bridesmaids and starting over. I created a group chat as a way for everyone to communicate and they never respond to any messages.
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  • Destiny
    Beginner October 2020
    Destiny ·
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    I have heard this happening to several brides! Luckily 3 out of 4 usually respond. I had a major anxiety attack when my grooms sister dropped out because I felt like everyone would end up doing that. I’m very glad I chose a new MOH because she has been a huge help and I hope my old matron of honor does show for the wedding. Good luck with yours!
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  • Destiny
    Beginner October 2020
    Destiny ·
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    Thank you. I just don’t want to be left standing with no one by my side.
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  • Destiny
    Beginner October 2020
    Destiny ·
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    I tried to keep things easier by having both the same weekend because that’s what my old matron of honor wanted. My new maid of honor has taken my bridal shower and bachelorette party over and is trying to help in every way she can. I certainly don’t expect her or any of my bridesmaids to spend a bunch of money. I just want them to be present and celebrate this big life event with me. Good luck with everything!
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  • Destiny
    Beginner October 2020
    Destiny ·
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    Wow! I just wish if someone had no intentions of coming to the wedding that they wouldn’t accept when they were picked for the job. That’s what upset me with my old matron of honor because she wanted to do it so bad and swore she’d be there for everything and now I’ll be lucky if she comes to the wedding. I know the covid messed a lot of stuff up and I try to be understanding but it’s such stressful times especially with our wedding approaching quickly.
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  • Anna
    Super October 2020
    Anna ·
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    My MOH won’t make my wedding shower, but she’s and 8hr drive away and has already made the plans to be at the wedding. I honestly feel like it’s a lot to ask someone to travel further than a few hours drive multiple times in a year. So I get you being worried, but I also get why your MOH felt hurt as well.


    I hadn’t talked to them in a while, so I’m not sure how bachelorette weekend plans are going. One idea was to meet halfway between my hometown (where 2 of my girls are) and the town where my MOH and her sister live, but my MOH isn’t sure of their ability to travel, so my other girls and I may just do something a little closer to home.
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  • Monique
    Master December 2019
    Monique ·
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    I had a few problems with a few of my girls. We had all planned to go to Disney land for the bachelorette party and a month before two backed out. I also had one girl who was super flaky outside of when I originally asked her to join.
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  • Melissa
    Savvy April 2021
    Melissa ·
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    I’m not sure it was necessary to pick a new flower girl and maid of honor just because they missed a few dates that aren’t crucial to a wedding. It seems like you’re a bit scared and not considering that they are only missing it due to a worldwide pandemic. They’re probably staying away from unnecessary events to stay safe and healthy. Seems wrong to replace them for that. But if you just have a back up maybe that’s okay. Only you know how reliable someone is but I hope you can be sensitive to the fact that the current times we live in is just unreliable. Keep in mind that gatherings aren’t the safest things to do right now and showing up to all your events might be asking people to put their health at risk.
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  • Nefetera
    Rockstar March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Yes i had have trouble ....months of doing a bachalorette party one girl spitfully wanted to drop out because of her honeslty being jealous. She told her other friend she was going to not tell me she wasnt going to particapate in my wedidng. Like this is an important day in my life besdies havibg my kids why would you intentionally do this???? Ppl can be very misleading and jealous bc you are happy.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A lot of women who end up being great in all other ways, do not like or respond to group chats. Consider that they may like you fine, and the problem is they hate chats. A lot of brides see their bridesmaids as a group. But most bridesmaids I know ( except right out of high school) see themselves as being individuals from different times in the bride's life, and may drag their feet when they feel they have been demoted from special people to a group . What I am saying is they may be great, but not like feeling like work, with a boss over them and group memos.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A bachelorette should be something your friends or some bridal party plan for you if they want to. You should not be organizing one for yourself, and they may think you are being impolite and pushy. Planning a party in your own honor is a big etiquette No-No for this reason.
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  • Ashley
    Savvy September 2020
    Ashley ·
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    My moh tried and had it all set up but then at the last minute people had restrictions because of Covid. We then started working together and I just picked a date and what I wanted. We found an air b&b together and we have a group chat with the other girls. If I wasnt part of the planning, nothing would have gotten done. 🤷‍♀️ Also, we all have to travel so I kind of need to be part of the planning. I don't see anything wrong with it, and I'm not sorry because it wasn't going to happen at this point unless I gave very specific details about what I wanted. My fiance told his best man exactly what he wanted from the very beginning and that's what they're doing. Lol it's not a big deal.
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  • Christel
    Dedicated October 2020
    Christel ·
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    I picked three bridesmaids. My matron of honor who is my closest sister, my bridesmaid who is my best friend of 16 years and my other sister for my third bridesmaid. I have been planning my wedding for 18 months I am now 3 months away. My third bridesmaid (sister) found out she was pregnant her due date is in 8 weeks one week before my we
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  • Chelsea G
    Dedicated March 2021
    Chelsea G ·
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    This is why I've chosen only 1 maid of honor, 1 bridesmaid, and 1 bridesman. I feel the more people in the wedding party the more stressful it is. My sister is my MOH and I know she would always be there to help if I asked and would never do anything intentional to ruin my day. I kind of think you need to go in thinking that they will do the minimum regardless. Essentially I've only expected them to get their dress/tux and even then I feel bad asking them to pay for that. Especially now with COVID I feel like a wrench has ruined a lot of things when it comes to weddings. I don't think most people realize what goes into being a MOH or bridesmaid.

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