Bridesmaid troubles

Tell her "you'd love for her to be able to be in your wedding but if she has responsibilities to tend to she should. Do not let my wedding put you in distress. You have to live for the next day. I totally understand and just want you to be there in presence nothing else needed."

Next time she brings up finances, just say "I completely understand that you have a lot going on financially. I don't want my wedding to be something that puts you behind. If it is too much of a financial commitment, please don't feel obligated to participate."

I had one of my girls do a similar thing. It sounds like she is looking for an out and wants to be assured she won’t be ruining the relationship.
I would say exactly like you said in your post.

ersonally I would say something like, “I can see that my wedding is really stressing you out. I love you, and I value our relationship. I really understand if you can’t make it happen, we will still be friends. You are still welcome to come to the wedding if that is a better commitment for you.”

I would just say something along the lines of "I know you've mentioned to me a few times about your financial situation and I'm concerned that you feel obligated to put yourself in a bad situation just for my wedding. If you don't have the funds to be in the wedding, I completely understand and would be more than happy for you to attend as a guest. I would hate to put any financial strain on you just for my wedding". Then let her know that she can still participate in pre-wedding events or even get ready with the bridal party (if you're okay with that)

I know a few years back I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding. I could not afford it, it was going to cost me about $1000 when it was all said and done, my sister had the bridesmaids all get $600 dresses, like $100 pair of heels, plus we had to pay for our nails to get done, and we where required to get her a gift for the bridal shower and the wedding. Needless to say I could not really afford it. As I was getting money saved up for it, I was in a car accident and the person who hit me had the same insurance I did so the insurance company didn’t really pay out on my car. So all of the money I saved up, had to go to getting my car fixed. Then I got a new job, which I could not come in for the whole week my sister had activities planned each day for the wedding party. So I had to step down. Which then everyone in my family was mad at me. But you should have a talk with her and just let her know nicely that due to her financial circumstances, it would be better if she was a guest at the wedding more then a bridesmaid.

I personally think exactly what you said here is what you should say to her! No need to sugar coat anything. Just let her know you know she can’t do it financially and that’s it’s ok if she feels like she can’t do it any longer but not to wait until the last minute to tell you.

Next time she texts you that, I would just say "Well you don't have to decide until X. I'll do whatever I can to help with flights & hotel (search for deals, etc.) but I understand weddings are expensive and don't want you to stress or go into debt over it. If you end up deciding you can't afford to be a bridesmaid, I will obviously understand and we can figure out another way for us to celebrate together." Just something positive without telling her to step down!

Call her and talk about it. Tell her you understand that she may not be able to afford being in the wedding. But please let you ( bride) know what she has decided, so you can make plans soon. Talk with each other, not at each other as with email and texts . Resolve it in one conversation.If has gone back and forth enough.

Thank you everyone for all of the excellent advice! I appreciate it!

Up front and honest. Personally, I think that she may be looking for an out. It may be an easier conversation than you think

View Quoted Comment Wow $600 dresses?? And here I am trying to find $99 BM dresses.

It sounds like she could be hinting so that you offer to cover her. If you can help with something that would make a difference, I would try to do it (confidentially). Not because you are obligated but if the amount will allow her to be there with you and you think it is worthwhile. It could also be her way of making sure you understand. I would say to her, let's give it until xx/xx date and then make a decision. Can she afford to come as a guest? I'm sure its embarrassing and demoralizing for her to not be able to be part of something special. We are doing a destination wedding and my fiance promised to cover all expenses for his 2 guys. Ugh. I'm glad we are helping the best man (good loyal friend and single father). However, his friend from his home town was still wishy-washy on committing when we not only paid for the wedding party clothes, shoes. Etc but we were paying for the whole trip to an all-inclusive resort. What would it take to get him to committ.....$800 in lost wages. Umm no, that's where I drew the line. Dissappointing but hes also a single father and has money issues. My maid of honor paid for her trip but I paid for wedding clothes. We didnt want to put any additional burden due to the cost of the trip. It's a judgement call and where you want to prioritize your budget. I dont need an expensive cake but I'm so glad that we will have our important friends/family there. Good luck

View Quoted Comment Yep, so with my bridesmaids, I told them the color and when they find something in their size that is in their price range and they feel good wearing. All they have to do is send me a picture so I can say yes or no before they buy it.

View Quoted Comment

This is a really nice way to put it. But by NO MEANS as the bride do you feel guilty and go out on a limb and give one bridesmaid special treatment. It's not fair and it's not your place.