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Beginner January 2021

Bridesmaid trouble

Elizabeth, on November 16, 2020 at 1:42 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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I had a bachelorette party where one of my bridesmaids was mentally not there. She complained the entire weekend about the alcohol, games we played, temperate ect ect. Everyone else made an effort to have fun and get to know the small group there. After the weekend ended I asked her if something was going on she just didn’t seem present or like she was enjoying herself. And I felt upset by how the weekend went. She essentially told me she was sorry I felt that way and it was awkward cause she didn’t know anyone. She knew half the girls there. We all felt like she was being stand-offish and rude. If she wasn’t winning the drinking game she was mad, if someone wasn’t talking with her she was unhappy but made to effort to talk with others. I’m so hurt by her lack of caring. I almost want to ask her to be a guest. She came off as very selfish and I thought she was getting better with that but I feel like we’ve taken so many steps back. I’m very overwhelmed trying to plan a wedding in a pandemic and thought a girls weeeknd would provide some relief but she just stressed me out even more because nothing seemed good enough for her there.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on November 17, 2020 at 9:11 AM

Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on November 16, 2020 at 5:32 AM
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Oh no. I'm so sorry. You should probably sit her down in a neutral environment and give her spe ific examples of the behavior you did not enjoy and tell her that you really need her to have a positive attitude in order to be your bridesmaid
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on November 16, 2020 at 7:46 AM
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Sorry this happened. Maybe she is going through something in her life?
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 16, 2020 at 8:45 AM
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It seems a bit dramatic to ruin a friendship over a bachelorette party, but if you’re willing to let this relationship go, then ask her to be a guest.
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Beginner January 2021
Elizabeth · on November 16, 2020 at 8:46 AM
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That’s why I made sure to ask her if something was going on. She didn’t say there was anything she was having trouble working through in her life at that time
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on November 16, 2020 at 9:41 AM
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Hopefully it won't happen again or if she was going through something she will eventually tell you. Goodluck with everything
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Expert February 2021
RaylaSan · on November 16, 2020 at 9:59 AM
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I definitely would talk it out with her, and ask if she wants to go as a guest if she's dealing with some stuff.
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Master 0000
Judith · on November 16, 2020 at 11:15 AM
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Many people are rather disagreeable with alcohol, and many on meds do not realize they have mixed and brought on physical discomfort and irritability. Maybe drinking ideas are not a good idea.
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Master 0000
Judith · on November 16, 2020 at 11:16 AM
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Drinking games are not a good idea.
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Beginner January 2021
Elizabeth · on November 16, 2020 at 11:19 AM
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We were all on the same page with having drinks at the bachelorette party
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Beginner January 2021
Elizabeth · on November 16, 2020 at 11:20 AM
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It was one game my cousin was there and was pregnant and she played the game and picked someone to take a drink when she lost it wasn’t a pressure filled college chug off it was just a fun game we had played before
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on November 16, 2020 at 11:42 AM
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"She came off as very selfish and I thought she was getting better with that but I feel like we’ve taken so many steps back."
So, you already knew she was like this when you asked to be a BM? I think you should cut her some slack. Covid is making everyone's lives more stressful. She could be having a lot of issues outside the wedding/bachelorette party that are making her upset. When we get stressed and upset, it tends to allow our less redeeming qualities to shine through. I understand why you're upset with her, but maybe give her another chance before cutting her loose.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on November 16, 2020 at 11:45 AM
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I don’t think I would let one event ruin the relationship that you have. But I can understand that her attitude definitely dampened things for you. It seems like maybe she was overall in a rotten mood. Because sometimes people are just in bad moods and it might not even really be because of a particular thing that happened. Basically think of it as an isolated event
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on November 16, 2020 at 9:32 PM
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It kinda sounds like she’s in a mood. Whatever she’s going through might be effecting her attitude and she doesn’t realize it. Give her some space, if you still see the same behavior. Have a heart to heart with to see what’s going on
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on November 17, 2020 at 9:11 AM
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Demote her to guest and you can kiss that friendship goodbye. She will RSVP no to the wedding and not talk you again. If that is your end goal, go for it. It seems a little over the top to be do critical of her behavior at a party. Not everyone is a party person, and no one is as excited as you for your wedding or all the festivities that go along with it.
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