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Dedicated August 2020

Bridesmaid trouble

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Kaylee, on September 24, 2019 at 10:09 PM

Okay ladies, I need your opinion. I have nine bridesmaids, and I love them all to death. But I’ve noticed something with one of them.

Back story: this girl has been one of my closest friends throughout high school. She lived across the street from me, so we were basically inseparable. Once I graduated I moved a way for a while, but I still made time to see her whenever I came back. I’ve helped her through some pretty tough times with her two daughters father abandoning them, I have put a roof over their head, food on their plates, and gas in her tank. She refuses to get a job, so now that I am getting married , of course I would ask her to be a bridesmaid. She joyfully accepted. But since I have asked her, she doesn’t ask me to hang out with her anymore, nor does she even try to talk to me unless I message her first. I asked her about a month or two ago if she still planned on being in the wedding since she hadn’t gotten ahold of me, and she removed herself from the bridal party group chat, as well as hasn’t come to any of the important things. (I asked her to come with when I found my dress and that she could bring her daughters and she told me she would, but came up with a crappy reason THAT DAY as to why she couldn’t come, even though I had a ride planned out for her). She told me she still wanted to be in the wedding but she doesn’t have the money to purchase the dress I found. It’s off of amazon and only $80 with shipping. I want her to be in the wedding but I know she is expecting me to help her out again since I’ve helped her out for so long, but I can’t do it. I don’t want to (nor should I have to) pay for her dress, especially since I have an entire wedding to plan and pay for. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Please help!

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27 Comments

Jill · on September 25, 2019 at 2:41 PM
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It would only have cost you money if you decided to help her. No is a word. Just because someone asks for help doesn't mean you have to do it.
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Dedicated August 2020
Elena · on September 25, 2019 at 3:33 PM
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This is very tricky. Being a bridesmaid can get quite expensive but it looks like your dress is within reason. I am a bridesmaid for a wedding in June and the dress was over $250! I don't think you should feel obligated to pay for her either, she accepted this role knowing what is usually expected of a bridesmaid. Perhaps a one on one chat could help clear the air? I am sorry you are going through this stress
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Dedicated October 2019
Olivia · on September 25, 2019 at 3:33 PM
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I have a bridesmaid on disability and she paid for all of her stuff, including plane tickets, because she saved up. If she wanted to be a part of the day, she would have saved and budgeted for the dress. I think she's taking advantage of you. I also so get that if she was participating at all, it would completely change the situation. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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Dedicated August 2020
Elena · on September 25, 2019 at 3:35 PM
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P.S Just saw I think we are wedding date twins! 8/29/20!
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 25, 2019 at 4:12 PM
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I don't want to give advice on what to do either way. My advice would be to take the time and really think about this friendship. Is she going to be a lifelong friend? Then buy her dress (if other bridesmaids ask explain its due to her circumstances". If you are seeing this friendship slowly slipping away regardless of your wedding, then I would allow her to back out.
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Dedicated August 2020
Kaylee · on September 25, 2019 at 7:04 PM
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It’s going to be the best day ever! ❤️
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Dedicated October 2019
Caitlin · on September 27, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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That's so tough. I feel like it's understood when you agree to a role in a wedding that there is cost associated with that. So she should know that she's going to have some things to pay for. And $80 for a bm dress is NOT a lot. I did something similar for my girls -- picked a $60 dress from Lulu's and $20 shoes. It seems like you put thought into making sure it would be something she could handle and now she's trying to sponge off of you. I think I saw you post in a previous response about "tough love" and I do think it's time. She's a grown woman and needs to get her life together. For her kids' sake, especially. It is not your responsibility to support her anymore. It's like someone enabling a drug addict...they'll never fix their situation if they know they have someone to clean up after them.
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