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Abby
Just Said Yes May 2021

Bridesmaid Trouble 😭

Abby, on November 21, 2020 at 10:32 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4
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So long story - sorry - 3 of my people who I want to be in my bridal shower cannot stand each other (2v1) - we all work together too. I also have 2 others who one of those also works with us.
The two that are close live together and we hang out more outside of work, even though we have only been friends for about 4-5 months, they have became family. Like weekly basis. We had ups and downs - but it’s because of the other bridesmaid who supported the framing and firing of one of the 2 potential BM moms who was the secretary for our principal (big tangled web and a lot to keep up with - sorry. We work at an elementary school)
The one who support the scheme and firing of the mom I have known and been work friends with since I started working there January 2019. Me and her don’t hang out however we text and are close. She is also a huge influence and seen as my bosses daughter. So her opinion on people can and will go a long way when it’s time to move on from the school we work at (which I wanted to leave since my first month working there). She even helped me pick out my wedding dress last year (was supposed to get married this past May).
I just don’t know how to approach this. Do I be transparent and say “y’all don’t have to even talk to each other?” Or tell the two girls “her opinion and likeness of me really affects where I am at next year” or cut one out?
Sorry if this was a huge mess and full of grammatical errors, my fingers were just typing and I was spilling 🤣
TYIA 💕💕💕

4 Comments

Latest activity by Stacey, on November 21, 2020 at 12:21 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    It's about you, if you want them all in your wedding then they need to be cordial. They don't have to be friends but as long as they can co exist then I don't see a problem with it. Just let everyone know that they need to be respectful and you don't want drama to affect your wedding
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    It is not necessary to have bridesmaids at all. No way I would allow 4 dogs who bark at each other in my yard, nor hissing cats in my bridal party. 4 coworkers with this many messes? What if you happen on another job you like before the wedding? If you do not have any older friends, relatives, even a godmother or aunt, do not have a wedding party. It would be endless stress and grief.
    • Reply
  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
    • Flag
    If the current bridesmaids’ differences are impacting the cohesion of the bridal party then either you remove the ones who are the problem and replace them, convince all of them to be cordial as Yasmine stated or scrap the bridal party entirely as Judith stated. You shouldn’t be worried about who will start drama with who and who doesn’t like who when this entire event is about you and your Mr.! They’ll be planning your pre wedding events like the actual bridal shower and bachelorette, so they’ll have to be on the same accord at least.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Expert May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag
    The short answer is that if these three women can’t act like adults and be cordial to each other for eight hours on a Saturday out of respect for you, then your friendships with them might be as strong you might believe. Let each of them know who else will be in your bridal party, and allow them to make the decision as to whether they would like to be included or not. And make sure you let them know no hard feelings either way. My only other point of advice would be to make sure your bridal party is full of your strongest, lifelong relationships. You mention you’ve only been friends with a couple of them for 4-5 months; are you going to look back at your wedding photos in 10 years and those relationships are only a distant memory? Are you selecting the one friend more so for career interests? Just make sure the relationships are solid, and are people who will be there for you in the long run. Just some things to think about 😊
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