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Beginner August 2021

Bridesmaid Trouble

Everly, on October 5, 2020 at 3:08 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 20
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One of my bridesmaids is plus size and she has always been super self-conscious so when it came time to picking bridesmaids dresses I decided to let them all pick their own styles. She is currently working at home because of Covid and she received her three sample dresses in the mail today. She specifically pick ones from Azazie that were advertised for plus & curvy. She tried all three on, sent me pictures, and I happen to think she looks amazing in all three. I have linked the three samples she picked below, but she called me crying because she thinks she looks like a giant plum. The color of the dresses does happen to be plum, but that's just the color I liked the best. She really wants me to pick a different color dress, but some of my girls have already gotten their dresses so I don't think it would be fair to expect them to return their dresses. She said she would rather wear like black or gray so that she doesn't stand out. Any advice?

Dress 1: https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-daphne-modest-bridesmaid-dresses?color=plum&is_plus_size=1

Dress 2: https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-molly-bridesmaid-dress?color=plum&is_plus_size=1

Dress 3: https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-lindsey-bridesmaid-dress?color=plum&is_plus_size=1

20 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on October 6, 2020 at 1:30 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    Wouldn't wearing a different color make her stand out more? I would tell her that you're sorry she's uncomfortable, but you can't ask everyone else to exchange their dresses and you understand if that means she can't participate as a bridesmaid.

    • Reply
  • E
    Beginner August 2021
    Everly ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    She wants everyone to switch colors to either black or gray since they are very muted colors rather than purple which she feels is a more in your face color that won't allow you just to blend in with everyone else.

    • Reply
  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
    • Flag

    If it were me I would just let her know that some of the other bridesmaids already have their dresses so you are not able to change the color. If she is not comfortable in the color/dresses then maybe use that to give her an out to not be in the wedding party? If the entire bridal party is wearing the same color then she wouldn't stand out.

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    That is a tough one! I agree with the prior posters - if others have already bought their dresses, it's not fair to ask them to return them (and even if they hadn't purchased them yet, I'm not sure it's 100% fair to ask you to change your colors). Could you work with her to scour the internet for a style of dress (in the same plum color) that she feels more comfortable with? I think that would be a very kind gesture. At the end of the day, she may not feel comfortable standing up during the ceremony in any dress...BUT looking for a better style of dress is definitely a good first step.

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  • Suzanne
    Dedicated July 2021
    Suzanne ·
    • Flag

    At the end of the day, it's not about how she looks in the dress, but it's being there for you and supportive. I've been a bridesmaid 7 times, and only 1 of the dresses I have ever worn again. One time, a bride went to my rival university, so she dressed me in the rival colors just to spite me! I just appreciated being there for my friends, even if the dress was too low, it made my hips wide, was ill-fitted in the waist, whatever. I don't think there is any solution to her concerns. Any other color will just generate a likeness with another undesirable object. Perhaps the solution is a different color shawl, not necessarily for pictures (unless you want to gift all of the bridemaids a shawl or light sweater or jacket) that the bridesmaid can wear at the reception or on the dancefloor if that makes her feel better.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    The dresses are beautiful and so is the color! Unfortunately, someone can look absolutely stunning in something, but if they feel uncomfortable with themselves they will never see it. Most likely she has heard old adage that black is slimming and it has now become her “go to” comfort. At this point I think all you can do is assure your friend that she looks gorgeous in the dresses and you would be proud to have her stand up with you and your bridal party. But, unfortunately, you are not able to change the color of the other girls’ dresses. Make sure she knows that you would love for her to be in your wedding, but you also don’t want to put her in a position that makes her feel uncomfortable, and leave it up to her whether she would like to wear the plum dress as a bridesmaid or wear a black dress as a guest. Or, if you have another role she could fill instead and wear the black dress, that’s always an option too.
    • Reply
  • Blair
    Super June 2021
    Blair ·
    • Flag

    I'm also plus size. I'm come to learn if you don't have confidence then you won't feel like you look good whether you're skinny or fat. My best suggestion is that she get some good shape-wear and rock it!

    • Reply
  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Her request that you change the dress color for everyone is unreasonable


    I'd kindly give her the option of stepping down.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I love the first dress!

    but you definitely can't let her wear a different color unless she was MOH or unless you're just ok with that look for your wedding. it's a difficult situation because sure you want her to be comfortable but at the same time, that's compromising your vision and also the other girls already got their dress. i think it's ok if she deals with it -- honestly the color is SO dark already that i feel like even if she got a dark gray, it's not a huge difference.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this here. I hate to sound bad but at the end of the day I get you now wanting her to feel good but I am sorry she needs to be there for you and the color you want. I would talk to her and just say you understand her and you of course want her to feel good but you love this color and would love for the bridesmaids to all be matching and you really love this color.

    Just like this poster said as bridesmaids sometimes we need to suck it up. For my MOH I had to wear coral and grey shoes and I hate the color grey on me ha ha but I never questioned it because I was doing what I needed to for her. Even another one I wore a color I did not care for but it is what she wanted. No disrespect to her but she needs to suck it up for you.

    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    You’ve done the tight thing by letting them choose the dress they are most comfortable with in the color you choose. The color is beautiful and it appears to be a dark color so her request of a black or grey is unreasonable. I would possibly understand if you had chosen a light colored, unflattering color but you haven’t. Just let her know that you think she looks beautiful in the dresses and especially in X dress (whichever she looks best in) and you want her to stand up with you for your wedding. However you can not change your colors so you understand if she can’t be in the wedding.
    • Reply
  • T
    Expert April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    She wants your entire bridal party to switch colors because she doesn't like the color?? Oh hell no.

    Is this in addition to the crazy FSIL?

    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Savvy March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    Im plus sized and I find the 2nd and 3rd ones very flattering and pretty. Plum is nice a color as well. This is more about her own insecurities than a dress or color. No matter what dress or color you pick she's going to feel insecure until she's comfortable with her body.
    • Reply
  • doris
    Savvy September 2021
    doris ·
    • Flag
    Those are nice
    • Reply
  • Ali
    Devoted March 2021
    Ali ·
    • Flag
    I kinda feel the same way about my wedding dress. Like it looks great on me but it is fitting tighter than I would like so I'm stressing about losing weight. To me since I am on the heavier side, dresses 2 and 3 would be the most flattering. I would talk to her more and figure out why she wants a different color and why she feels the way she does. I don't think you should change your colors especially if other maids have their dresses.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    Do not change your colors. You are doing the right thing by letting them pick their own dress but you have to draw the line somewhere.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    You are being a very accommodating bride.

    This is your wedding, and plum is your color. It's a subdued, darker purple and is not going to be much more in your face than gray or black would be. If you had picked out a bright pink color then I'd be inclined to agree that it's probably not going to be super flattering on a lady concerned about her size, but dark purple is really a non-issue. She's not comfortable with how she looks and going from dark purple to dark gray or black is not going to change that.

    Let her know that this is the color and other girls have gotten their dresses already and that she looks great in the dresses and you don't think she looks like a giant plum. Be firm with your color choice, but kind and supportive with how she feels.

    I personally really like the 2nd and 3rd dresses (3rd is my favorite I think).

    • Reply
  • Kia
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kia ·
    • Flag
    Maybe you could encourage her to workout. Do a group “shedding for the wedding” workout competition with all your ladies so it sounds less rude.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this 100%. Changing your colors is unreasonable. Hopefully she can take your compliments to heart. Asking her to step down is a ticket to sabotaging the friendship so be prepared for that. Maybe she could try shapewear underneath to boost her confidence..such as HoneyLove which is supposed to have good results. Best of luck!
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Savvy November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    It’s not her day it is yours. You kind enough to have everyone pick what they want. She can deal with the color
    • Reply

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