Bridesmaid trouble

I feel you so much. I had a best friend that I was extremely close to all through college, but when we got out into the real world she kept herself firmly rooted in conservative values. I went ahead and got a bit more liberal, enough that I would have to calm myself down around her. Long story short, we had a huge falling out when I started dating my FH because she thought kissing was going too fast, and I felt like she was doing nothing but picking fights and bickering. So I cut her out of my life.

My point is, doing what's best for you doesn't mean you're turning your back on what you had. You're just accepting that she isn't the same person and isn't what you need in your life. It isn't easy - I cried a lot and still do at times because I thought she would be my MOH in my wedding - but I feel so much better doing what I needed for myself. You can invite her and just say that you were keeping the party small, or you can say that you were respecting her busy schedule. Honestly, do what's best for you. Don't hang onto an old relationship if she isn't doing the same.

Thank you for your comment. It makes me feel better about not letting her be a bridesmaid. I don't want to hurt her but lately shes bringing nothing but pain to me.

Sending you a lot of virtual hugs!!! I totally get not wanting to hurt her, but if she's doing nothing but causing drama in a stressful time...then she's really not being that good of a friend anyway. Stay strong and make sure to take care of yourself!

Nope. Do what you think is best and the least stressful option. If you think her attitude will dampen the overall experience it’s best to just have her as a guest. It would probably be less stressful for her too if she is just a guest.

I had a similar situation but once I had that conversation I felt bad at first but then I felt free, like released and it made it worth it! If you’re not feeling comfortable let her know and for sure you’ll feel better once that conversation is over

I'd invite her to the wedding (sounds like she wont be able to come) but leave her out of the wedding party. It's ok to do what's best for you and to try to make your wedding as stress free as possible

I feel like we have the same friend. I was in her wedding this year, but I am having serious doubts about asking her to be in mine. I just feel like she's not going to not come to things, or not participate, or whatever. She barely included me in things in her wedding, which I WAS IN. I'm really struggling with it, so I completely understand. I guess my best advice is to evaluate if you want to continue being her friend after the wedding, because leaving her out will probably cause a big rift that may be the death blow to the friendship.

If you didn’t already ask her, maybe don’t. Sounds like she’s not in the place to be the support you need and putting her in that role might bring work work/drama to you. If she gets upset later you can tell her you didn’t want her to be overwhelmed by the role and that you love her dearly.

Thank you all for your support. This is the hardest part of my wedding so far. I feel bad about it but that day will be stressful enough without her drama.

When I first started planning, I had 6-9 ladies. Well, fast forward through life, growing, and changing, 1 died, I’m no longer close with a few, and no longer in contact with 3.

During my planning this year, I had to switch out a MoH (invited as a guest) and Bridesmaid (NOT invited at all).

There was only ONE from the original list in my Bridal party.

Since the Wedding, I’ve blocked one of the Bridesmaids.

My first requirement was for the Bridal Party to determine if they could realistically afford to participate.

My point is: It’s okay to only have someone as a guest.

Although, you could ask her to hand out programs if you’re having them or read a poem/Scripture.

Oh, I also didn’t ask my Cousin or her daughter to participate in My Wedding. My Cousin told me that “she felt some type of way” because I didn’t ask her to be a part of my Wedding. I KNEW that she couldn’t afford it. So why would I add additional financial pressure on her?!

Could your friend really afford to participate in your Bridal Party?

Asking someone to be in your bridal party because they used to be close to you rarely ends well. Friendships can ebb and flow over time and people change a lot. If you feel like she is not supportive now and is "tearing you down" as you said, that is not a good indication of a strong friendship in the present. For most people, the wedding party we would have chosen years ago will be different from now. That is why people usually recommend to not ask more than a year from the event.

View Quoted Comment No she couldn't. I would have to support her way